I am new to this forum and have searched for a situation like mine, some are similiar, for all I am so sorry we have to be here. My D-day was 12/2. I found my H's emails by accident on our home computer. He had been emailing a co-worker sexually explicit emails for two months before I found them. He swears there was never any physical contact between them other than an occassional hug or kiss on the cheek. I belive him, but I am shocked by how betrayed and hurt I am by a non-physical affair. At first he claimed they were only a joke until I made him read them again in front of me. He seems to be genuinely sorry for what he's done and we both want to work through this, I just don't know how to stop feeling so hurt and angry. The pain is so raw my skin feels likes it's burning from the inside out. I would really appreciate talking to someone that has gone through this too. Thankfully his co-worker has since been transfered to a different property so he doesn't see her. I just can't get over the shock and the pain...

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You have found a good place to be. We can help you. It is miserable when you first find out, but does get better.

You are still very new in the pain, and I know how horrible it is. But it will go away. Luckily you have found us early. I didn't find this place until I threw my WH out.

You will have a lot of questions, and I hope your husband will answer them. That will help your healing. Also you need to calmly sit down with him and find out why this happened.

There is a lot of information here that you may want to read, especially about meeting each other's emotional needs. Weekends are very slow, so you might post on the general questions thread too. There is more traffic there.

See below

<small>[ December 04, 2004, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: NatashaC ]</small>

Hi Angel,

I understand what you are going through. I recently discovered my husband was having an affair with a woman in Texas (a week after I gave birth to our daughter- our 4th child). He has left us and moved back to his parents. I took the liberty of calling his "girlfriend" and informing him of his marital status which she was not aware of. Needless to say the relationship ended. This however is not the first time. I recently picked up the book Surviving an Affair (actually yesterday) and am almost finished. I wish I had discovered this 5 years ago when the first incident had happened. I would suggest picking it up and reading it. It has helped me understand why and how this has happened to me. I know how overpowering the feeling of betrayal and rejection is. It is good that your husband is willing to work on things because recovery will take a lot of work. Affairs are built on dishonesty, and trust will need to be rebuilt. Try looking to the Lord. I found myself in tears almost every waking hour for the past couple of weeks and literally was living moment by moment by God's grace. He will sustain you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Natasha

Thank you for the replies, they help. I want everything to be like it was before, now I look at my H and I'm not sure who I'm looking at. I haven't told anyone what happened except for my closest friend, she's been great, but I'm sure she's getting tired of hearing about it and it's only been two days. I'll get the book you recommended Natasha, at this point I'm looking for anything that will help. I have another question though, is it normal to just break down and cry? It's silly, but I hear a song on the radio or make dinner, it doesn't matter what it is and I'm crying all over again. Thanks again.

Your feelings are very normal. It will take time to get over the terrible sadness. Get some of the books, Surviving an Affair, and Torn Asunder.

The most important thing right now is finding out the reason for his affair so that it doesn't happen again.

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<small>[ January 03, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Thanks believer. He printed out an EN questionnaire for each of us and we've read through the BC. I'm hoping we can use that as a starting point. He says he doesn't know why he did it. It's easy for me to say he was being an a@#hole, but I know something had to go wrong before he would do something like this. We've been married for 6 yrs, together for 8 and we have two great kids, 6 & 2. There've been ups & downs, but nothing like this.

BTW, I'm still learning the ropes, so if any of the abbreviations are off, sorry.

Hi, Just found out my husband had an e-mail affair with coworker also. My husband is 34yrs, I'm 35yrs,we have been married almost 13yrs and his coworker is 21. My husband and I have three small children 6,3, and 17 mo. I am a stay at home mom (previously a teacher until we started our family). This affair started in Oct and was found out recently by the woman's husband (he put a ghost tracer on her email account). The day I found out was when we were first scheduled for our first counseling session because he has communication and intimacy issues (we haven't had sex for 2 years and it was hit an miss for years before that) Thanks to me we have 3 children. The lack of sex isn't because I haven't asked and I almost never refused. I guess that is why I just can't understand this whole affair. I am attractive, average build (could probably lose 15 lbs, but I don't look overweight). I have read some of the emails, and I wanted to vomit. He also purchased a porn for her and changed the title to "US" as in him and her doing the acts. Both of them say there was never any physical contact even though they would see each other in the halls, walk each other to the car. She is also married with a young child. I found out by her husband calling me the same day as our first counselling appnt. What a wake up call. I am so devastated. I am thinking of asking him to move out to help teach him a lesson about how it will feel if we end up getting divorced. He wants to work this out, he says he is scared to death to lose me and his family. I just keep thinking,.....guess you should have thought of that before hand. I am still angry! I just don't know if I can trust hime again. Thank God for my church. Some people know, but I can trust not to gossip. I keep praying for inner peace. What is the consensus out there about making him move out for awhile? Perfect timing...right around Christmas...what a joke...it makes me sick!

Louise, I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are not alone and everyone here can help you. I'm sorry I didn't read your post earlier or I would have replied much earlier. I wish I could give you advice on wheather or not you should ask your H to move out, but I'm not sure what to say. My H didn't have any physical contact with the OW either and I made him read the emails he had sent to her in front of me. That seemed to be quite a break through and he finally understood how he hurt me so badly. I know that you are in pain and it can take some time, a lot of time, before you feel like you can even look at him again. Since you were going to go to counseling anyway, I would suggest you both follow through with it. I would also suggest you start Plan A. You can find a link for it in one of the earlier posts. Please keep us updated and let us know how you're doing. Good luck!