Ginger my bags are packed and have been in my car for 2 weeks my wife doesnt seem to care she says she has tried but all I see is a woman that acts like nothing has happened I know the only reason Im here still is we planed to go to chicago to my oldest sons house for christmas and i guess im looking foward to one last christmas together as a family I was the kid that always got picked last on the playground the one that got bullied I dont like fighting im beginning to believe love is an elusion and happily ever afters only in fairytales well have to go get things packed for the trip leaving soon you have a merry christmas and new year billibob

So Ali,
Do you write comedy for a living, or just here for our enjoyment?

BS club.........rolls off the tounge so somoothly.

Ginger, have a good Christmas. I hope you get the day off?

I have to work - W says I am cooking that day.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

SS

<small>[ December 23, 2004, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Billibob,
I am so sorry I can see your pain in your post.It really sucks when you give all your love to someone but you dont get it back.
I am becoming stronger each day,and realizing that there is more life out there than what I knew.
I am ready to move forward,to go on and see what life brings my way.................and NOW my H wants to try!!!!!!! Go figure,sad thing is I think it is to late.
So your bags are packed maybe you should leave,there is someone out there that will treat you with the love and respect that YOU deserve.Sometimes they dont know what they had until its gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SS..........NOPE I did not have to work on the 24th or 25th it was GREAT!!!!!!!!!
I did not even have to cook.My DIL did it all and she did a wonderful job!!!!!

The best thing that happened to me this season was I reunited with an old friend.I cant wait to get together with her and talk and get our friendship back on track.She was so excited to see me and surprised I might add......LOL

I cant believe how great I feel.I feel happy,strong and ready to move on in life.
I can see now that "I" will not be the looser on this deal,,,,,,,,,,,but H is.

So with that said I am off to start my day.

No Still Seeking. I meant to give a little humor. Kust to enlighten. Because most of us are on the same boat. I just picture a whole bunch of BS's gathered around a table in the carribean somewhere drinking a pina colada and supporting each other and calling ourselves the BS club. Now, if you were a stranger, what would be the first thing to your mind if you heard the term BS club? Not betrayed spouse. That is why I said the wrong idea. I was not mocking anyone. Sorry if you took offense to that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Ali~

Heck no, but I laughed a lot.

I thought it was good, much better than my really dry jokes.

SS

Well Ali if you ask me there would be a whole lot of BS'sing' going on by the BS club <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good! I was really afraid that I offended you and some others! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I really didn't mean it to be harmeful.

By the way, does anyone know if Dr. Harley lectures in the Chicago area? As nice as it would be to be in Florida right now, I am unable to go upcoming seminar. I know I could get a lot of new insite for me to help myself too.

Ali~

Hey Ginger,

You must have been posting when I was posting.

How funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ali~

I always say........great minds think alike,or at the same time!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ginger,

I'm glad you beginning to feel better. It's good to see and warms my heart. If your H wants to try, let him. He's got a lot of work ahead of him. Meanwhile, take of yourself and enjoy!

I'm glad you enjoyed the holidays. You need a break.

Ginger,

As a WS, I believe that other WS will not get into recovery without understanding the consequences of not going into recovery. If you suffer no consequences why change. After two years, what the hay! M is about growth for two individuals not one. If one is not growing then the other may have problems growing also. Your WS is either committed to this M or not. Are you sure of his fidelity? 2 years is time to withdraw and at least start a recovery. If he does nothing then that is his decision. Time for you to develop a new Plan B and to grow as an individual.

Thanks Bill for your thoughts.

My H thinks that if we dont talk about it,its like it never happened and that eventually the whole thing will blow over.
NOT!!!!!!!! Thats just NOT going to happen for me.

So after Christmas I sent him an email telling him of all my feelings and asking him for a divorce.
I have come to realize that I am not capable of forgiving him as long as I am with him.When we are apart I am much happier(now)it has taken me a long time to get to this point.
He said he will not file but I can and he will sign the papers.However since this conversation he calls me a little more and even sent me 1 email but he acts as tho we NEVER had the divorce conversation at all.I dont get him.

I have reflected back on my life with him and can see how easy it was for him to have his affair because in the past he never paid any consiquences from me for doing wrong,I just went on with life pushing the hurt and pain somewhere back in my mind.I realize how much he has controled my every move I have said this before but even me moving out was under his direction.

I realize also why he gets so angry when I will not allow him to treat me certain ways,its because he is not use to this from me.

Maybe for the first time ever in my adult life will I make a decision for ME and no one else.I always try to please everyone but me.I have people telling me NOT to get a divorce because of the length of time we have been together,but is it fair to me to spend the rest of my life unhappy? I am at a place finally where I feel I can be happy without him or anyone esle for that matter.
I do not need a man to complete me.

I will always have love for my H and care about him after all we shared an entire lifetime together,we have 4 kids and 8 grandkids but I am no longer "in love" with him.I cant spend the rest of my life pretending that things are great and that I am happy.
He did all of this NOT me.If I was worth it he would have been willing to work on our M,our life,our family.He did nothing!!

Ginger,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If I was worth it he would have been willing to work on our M,our life,our family.He did nothing!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are worth it and you know it! You husband is lazy, lazy, lazy. He doesn't think you are going to follow through, does he? You said he hasn't mentioned the divorce since you brought it up. It is like he thinks you were just spouting off and you don't really mean it.

He might even have the thought in his mind that he is such a great catch that anyone would want him. You have bent over backwards for him, done everything for him, let him know that you love him and will do almost anything for him. When you aren't available to him then his Mom steps up and fills your shoes.

In a few years, when you are truly happy and maybe even have a new man that loves and respects you, then he will know what he lost. It is then that he will understand the scope of his actions. He will feel your pain and it will be too late for him. He will then realize what a stupid, stupid man he has been. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Think about it. What would you advise your daughters to do in your situation. When they have done everything possible to save their marriage and still their husband didn't get it? Yeah, part of you will always love him but you are a very loving person, you will find love again with someone else. I can't imagine that someone won't see what a wonderful woman you are and you will be their dream come true. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have you plan B'd your husband? How long have you gone with no contact at all? Maybe if you went completely dark for a while it might shake him up. Let him know that he is not welcome to come and spend the weekend with you and that he can communicate with you through your kids only. That you are completely unavailable to him. Just a thought.

You know that you are always in my prayers.

Cathy

Hi Cathy
So good to hear from you.

I have not done a total plan be but I no longer call my H at all,any contact between us is only when he makes a call to me.That is not very often maybe once a day and the conversation is usually very short(at least on my part I am direct and answer questions but do not start any sort of conversation with him)I think he is already seeing that I am going on without him.

At Christmas time my son went to his aunts house(H's sister)and even she said I needed to just leave him and go on,that he has never shown me respect and the reason he acts the way he does is because I have always just accepted his behavior and gone on,she was right as hard as that is to admit to.My MIL was upset at her said I should not leave him but then again she also can not tell anyone the truth of why we are seperated.
My son had always said that if we did divorce he never wanted me to date,he could not handle that but he said after talking with his aunt he had changed his mind and all he wanted was to see me happy.He told me on New Years eve how nice it was to see me smile again,how it was so good to see the depression gone.

You are right my H will not realize what he had until I am gone.I am not saying that I am the greatest "catch" but I believe to the right person I would be.

Take care,and how are things going for you??

I don't have a lot of advice - but it sounds like you don't need much advice right now anyway.

I still think you should eat your veggies, get lots of sleep, and exercise, and don't fall off any ladders over 15 ft tall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Did you have a fun December?

What do you have planned for January?

I also want to hear about vacation plans for this summer, I think you need AT LEAST 4 days away, and I would like to see a full week.

I hope you grin when you read this, but I hope you will consider doing it too - I want to hear about your plans.

SS

HI SS
Good to hear from you.
Yes I smiled while reading <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

December did not start out good for me but it ended great.Christmas was wonderful,New Years was great and even the busy shopping days at work did not get me down.

Plans for January?? None right now except to get info on how to file for a divorce thats about it.

As for vacation plans,I am planning a trip sometime after March to go visit my great friend Momof1 again.In July I am planning a trip with my kids to NM where I plan on meeting 2 more friends from the forum so if all goes as planned I should have a great first half of the year.

Thanks for caring.

Hey, I thought we were going on to the islands? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey, I thought we were going on to the islands? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Getting up to the post waaaayyy up there. Sorry, I got left behind here. I tell this to Randy if you ignore cancer will it go away on its own? No it will get worse and you'll die! Same thing with a marriage.

Go Ginger, go Ginger go Ginger! I am glad to see you in a good mood! Remember the ELO song? Don't bring me down? Don't let him any more! Ugggg, I feel old. My b-day is next month!

SS, did you fall off the ladder putting up the plastic Santa on your roof? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yes, eat your veggies, the might lore off bad people!

later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ali-ferocious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How did this post twice with out me sending it?

Hi Ginger,

It's good to see the strength return in you. Although I'm sure this is not the way you wanted things to work out, you seem to be handling it well.

Let us know what your plans are. Inquiring minds want to know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

SS:

...and don't fall off any ladders over 15 ft tall.

Is there something you want to share with the class? Do tell. Something tells me it'll be good for a chuckle.

NO, NO, NO,
I did not fall off a ladder, but....

I was in charge of a New Years youth dance. We put up a net across a large hall and filled it with baloons and noise makers, and hats so we could dump it into the crowd at midnight. As I was up on the ladder putting up the net, I looked down and thought about being up high - I don't really like heights all that much.

No accidents, but that's where I got that one from.

As far as the islands, we could probably row to Hawaii, and stay with Orchid for a few weeks, if we could find a nice row boat. About 100 ft maybe, with twin diesels, and sails too, just for fun. Maybe it could come with a chef, and full crew. I would even help watch for icebergs for a few minutes a day.

Maybe we could just all go to Ali's house, and she could play island music?

Ginger, it is good to see you making plans. You know we can't really shake your H and get him to react the way that will help, but I hope we can encourage you, and help you in some small way.

Ali, are you and Randy making progress? What is next for you to work on?

SAB, sorry I didn't have a better story, these days I tend to be more careful. I don't seem much older from year to year, but I noticed that if I get bucked off a horse, it takes me longer to get up than it used to take when I was seventeen.

And no, it hasn't happened this year, it was a few years ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ginger, what route are you taking to NM? I may live along the way - or close enough to meet up with you and one other MB'r who is a few hours from me.

Wishing everyone a reasonably nice day - which is better than a rotten one any time, and easier to find than a perfect one.

SS

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>