I am new here and looking for some advice. I recently found some very provocative emails of my H. He ofcourse denies any physical contact with this OW. He also denies half the things in the emails, like the phone calls and visits. he says the communication has been going on 8 months but it is just someone to talk problems over with. We separated about a week and a half and now he is back and we are in counseling. How do I forgive him and get over this if i do not even believe he has told me the truth so far. Example the last email the OW ended with "it was good to see you this week" but he denies seeing her this week. He claims he told her all communication has to stop but how do I know it has. It is constantly on my mind and I can;t look at him at times. This site has been helpful just reading other post but being just 3 weeks since D-Day I don't see how i am going to get through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> the last email the OW ended with "it was good to see you this week" but he denies seeing her this week </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't believe that statement and you shouldn't either. It doesn't sound as if he is being honest with you. It will be difficult for you to go day by day if you need to wonder every minute if he is lying to you. I don't know your whole story by I can guess that if you dig deeper you may find more deception. I helped surface my spouses internet activities by installing a program "google desktop search". This program will display all desktop activity including the content of his emails. Check his cell phone. The first thing to do is to find out where your marriage is right this minute.

Mr. G

Is the OW married? Might be a good time to call the other BS if so....and compare notes. If she is married, her spouse needs this information as much as you do. It's a hard call to make...but one that is very likely to help solidify no contact.

It is possible to get through it, many here have succeeded, but it will require you to change your lives quite a bit. You should not be unsure of whether or not he is telling the truth. "Survivng an Affair" explains how to arrange your life so that you will know for sure. However, it will require his cooperation. If you are not getting it, and what you are seeing does not match what he is saying, you can safely assume the affair is continuing, and you should be in Plan A. I have collected the best resources I have found for affair recovery, including some good explanations of and elaborations on Plan A, in the link in my signature line. Click and read.

Mr. G,

I recently confronted my H about some lies and since then he has installed a Spybot program onour comuter. Would the google desktop search tool be detected by the Spybot program?

P

That has to tell you something...if he is checking to see if he is being spied upon he is up to something...

Plan A....be ready for it...

If your husband can not be open (by letting you see what he does on computer) there is a problem...No spouse should hide ANYTHING from another spouse...Good luck...

This place will be a helpful stop on your journey,

I have to disagree that Spybot means he's worried about hiding something. This is a very common and wonderful program that many of us use to keep the advertising software off our computers. At least Spybot Search & Destroy is the one I think she's talking about.

aaprincess, it sounds like your husband may be "gaslighting" you about the email. This is commmon behavior if he's in an inappropriate relationship. They try to make you feel like you're crazy even when you find proof.

If he's not in any sort of contact with her anymore, he shouldn't have any problems with giving you email passwords, cellphone logs, and credit card statements. If he has issues with that, there are ways to find the truth on your own.

<small>[ December 10, 2004, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: Dobie ]</small>

Thank you all, this site has been very helpful in helping me deal with what I am going through. And Star*Fish you are right about this site fixing me,I have been helped so much just through reading. Johns39 thank you also, link was good for me. I will continue to read, learn and heal with or without him I'm not quite sure yet.

dobie,

I agree with you that his installing hte spybot could be to prevent pop-upos (we have dial-up, so pop-ups affect an already slow internet). But I am skeptical due to the timing of the installation and my confronting him about some (big)lies he told me. I am planning on initiating a plan A- I know I'm not meeting his EN's very well. In fact he told me "I don't do it for him anymore" in the area of SF. All I can say is that I have a lot of work to do.

P

I think the Google desktop search would be detected, but i think you can tell Spybot to ignore it. I've not tried this, and Spybot may give you a report that includes what it ignores when you run it. You could try it and find out, if you are fairly computer literate.

Here's my thought. Spybot and the Google Search software are both very useful tools outside of the "spying" aspects. Go ahead and download it. If it shows up, so what? If he has problems with you using it, that could be another red flag all by itself.