I recently posted regarding my situation with my husband and things seem to be a little better until the whole thing kind of backs up on me and I get upset (not constantly; like once a week). I cry and this makes my husband unhappy with me. I am trying to go to him to help me get through this, but is this a mistake? It seems he wants to never talk about it again, or have me ask him about anything. I have installed stealth software on our computer and am ripping the modem out of our old one. He has given me access to his passwords and I have told him no more game-playing online. He's not happy about it but agreed.

Even though I have all this stuff in place I still get terrified sometimes; like he's finding a way to outsmart me. Am I nuts or is this normal? WIll it ever go away? I don't want a divorce. I love my husband and we have one child and I'm pregnant with another. I go from having feelings of rage to crying. Typical enough when you're just pregnant, but worse now.

Should I stop talking to him about it? He calls it nagging.
Thanks

Everything you are feeling and experiencing is very normal. My D-Day was 7/6/04 and I still have days every 3 weeks or so where I feel all of those feeling emerging (anger, depression, shock, grief, disbelief, doubt, suspicion, etc...). I think your H owes you total and complete honesty. It is essential for your recovery. He can't put a time-line on how long it will take for you to come to terms with his A and he can't turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty for asking questions, wanting answers, having doubts, etc... You've been betrayed and you need and deserve total honesty now and forever. He can't dictate what you should know, what you should feel or what questions you're entitled to have answered. I think most if not all WS's want to put it behind them, never speak of it again and move on as if nothing happened. That is impossible. Keep reading and posting. Good luck. -SNS

2 Timed,

I cry and this makes my husband unhappy with me.

I have told him no more game-playing online. He's not happy about it but agreed.

Your H sounds like a spoiled selfish little brat.

To recover he must be sooo remorsefull and should be bending over backwards to fullfill you ENs. And become RESPONSIBLE for the pain and grief he is causing. That's why he shuns your questions and all discussion about it. He doesn't want to face what he has done.

OORRR he doesnt give a sh!! about you or what he has done or who he has damaged and is happy as long as he can sustain his self gratification and get his jollys.

Unfortunately your pen name says it all too clear.

k

2-timed again. I comend you on choosing to stay and fight for your marriage! With that said know that simply because you've choosen to fight won't make the fight any easier. I've been in Recovery technically for a year this month. And personally I still have my days where you get so upset and cry. Thats ok. It took me a while to let my emotions out. I was hurt and in a real sense I was grieving for our marriage and the life we had planned to have. My husband at times even now feels as yours that I should just let it go and although he doesn't say I'm nagging I'm sure it's implied. But what I've come to learn and what I tell or remind him when need be is something like this: "For whatever reason you felt unfulfilled on some level and went out, albeit in a grossly inappropriate way and tried to fix what was wrong. Well now things to some extent are worse that before because of the A and NOW I have to take time and deal with situation the best I can. You see unlike typical marital problems like communication, finances, etc there are no perscriptions or standard ways of handleing an affair. That said I'm doing the best I can today. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but as for this moment I'm giving you all thats in me. " Realize that even though he is the one who commited the A dealing w/ the reprecussions of his actions may be hard for him, especially seeing the woman he loves and adores hurting and crying. I think it's good for them to see the hurt. In fact, I want my husband to see me cry and when i have a headache because this whole situation is overwhelming at times in hopes that because he SAW the pain, the hurt and LIVED through this on going process of recovery he will never again feel that an A is the way to go to have his needs emotional or otherwise met or to solve any marital issues in our union. I hope this helps! Stay encouraged and do what makes you happy. Happy mommy, happy baby and that's whats most important now.