The Monogamy Myth:
A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs
Third Edition (New)
by Peggy Vaughan

Printed copies can be purchased at

Also available on Audio Tape (2 cassettes).

(Read the entire text of the Introductory chapter below.)

As of February, 2003, the Third Edition of this book has been published. It was originally published in 1989, with a revised edition in 1998, and now this third edition 14 years after the first publication.

This book is first and foremost (as the subtitle suggests) "a personal handbook for recovering from affairs." It provides a step-by-step process for dealing with: suspicion and confrontation, the pain of knowing, rebuilding self-esteem, rebuilding trust based on honesty, getting help, facing the marriage/divorce dilemma, and living with the decision.

It also provides information about preventing affairs and an explanation of the "combination of factors" that cause affairs. And it describes the impact of the Internet, both in offering resources for dealing with affairs as well as giving rise to the growing problem of "online affairs."

This new edition includes all the text from the previous editions, but adds updated information about resources for dealing with affairs, including the changes in BAN (Beyond Affairs Network), the support group organization that holds local meetings.

Finally, I have written a new "Personal Note" (which you can read below), describing some of the changes that have taken place during the years since the original publication, including the increased openness to public discussions of the issue of extramarital affairs.


About the Author

Praise for The Monogamy Myth (included below)



A Personal Note from the Author (included below)

Introduction: The Myth and the Reality (included below)

Part I: Why Affairs Happen
1. Beyond Personal Blame
2. How Society Contributes to Affairs

Part II: The Experience
3. Suspicion and Confrontation
4. The Pain of Knowing

Part III: The Healing Process
5. Rebuilding Self-esteem
6. Trust, Honesty, and Communication
7. Sexual Healing
8. Where and How to Get Help

Part IV: A Time of Reckoning
9. The Marriage/Divorce Dilemma
10. Living With the Decision
11. A New Understanding of Affairs


Praise for The Monogamy Myth

"An outstanding and wonderfully helpful book."
—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., Author, The Dance of Anger

"In a personal voice Peggy Vaughan