Question...<P>Does it seem like sometimes that U do not love your spouse anymore?<P>There has been so much pain...<P>Sometimes it seems as if the love is gone, the fire is out. Don't know what to think<BR>I still love my W but things are just not the same, and this scares me.<P>It's not all the time but it is enough for me to worry.<P>I want our marriage to work, but now I worry about me.<P>Some input please......<P>CM

I know how you feel. I some times feelthis way too. Like why would I want her back, after what she has done and doing. <P>I love her and my kids. That is all I can say. our marriage was not always bad. for if it was we would never have gotton married. I feel that with a lot of work we could make it better, but in the same breath, th eway she is treating me now. I some times think I am crazy fir wanting her, and that there may be someone out there who will love me.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I fought that demon alot of times. In fact I am sure that I helped push him away because of that. I had asked myself over and over again "How can I still love him, after all he has done to our family?" But finally I stopped because I knew deep down inside that I loved him dearly. I think I finally realized that I had to have loved him because his affair hurt me so bad. His leaving hurt me so bad, and the D that I am going through hurts bad. Of course, being the dork that I am I realized it way too late. Too much interferance, too much outside help. I think sometimes that it was friends and family that kept me in such turmoil and denial about my true feelings. Now I simply tell people that I love him and that if he walked back in this door tonight, even after all of this, that I would try to save/work on our marriage. I love him.<BR>Nancy

Mental;<P>I see where you are coming from on this,but I am fighting this demon. I do love my H and sometimes wish I didn't because this all hurts so much. <P>But I want someone to love me for WHO I am not what I look like. That is so shallow.<BR>I get the feeling if I don't look just sexy enough or good enough(Hair, makeup, clothes)<BR>he will lose interest. <P>This is tiring to try and look like this ALL the time. He says he love me, but........<BR>There is too much to explain on this one. Right now I feel I am invisible as a person.<BR>And it hurts.

CRYOMAN,<BR> Is your W still at home? If so try and find things to get the feeling back. Read all you can here and PRAY alot!! <BR> If your W is NOT at home (like mine) I think it's a good idea to "mute" the feelings a little.<BR> The INCREDIBILE PAIN I had because of this is gone (Praise GOD!!) I still love my W but I'm trying to "Mute" my feelings a little.<P> I find when I REALLY REALLY let them flow, I appear desperate and wimpy to my W (and to me) and it HURTS a lot more when I open my heart fully. That won't get her back.<P> Anyway, I think it's a normal defense we have to deal with this.<BR> Oh, one more thing that's helped me. I try and focus on what I DID to create the environment to allow my W to be able to have an EA. This took the anger away somewhat and helped me to make some positive changes in myself that gives me the feeling I CAN'T LOSE either way. I would prefer our marriage to be repaired, however, with the changes I've made IN MYSELF, I can have a MUCH better realtionship in the future whiether it's with my W, or someone else. <P>GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK