I spent this Christmas with my ex and his family. His mother and I have kept in touch since the divorce and she knew I had gifts for his side of the family. Christmas morning I called and asked her if I could come by and drop off the gifts and she said yes. I knew my ex-husband was going to be there and I didn't want it to be awkward for him or anyone else, plus I didn't know if he had someone with him. When I got there, he had a smile on his face (I had a big stocking just for him) and he was very nice. He helped me get gifts out of the car and was sweet during. I asked him privately if it would be ok if I stayed while everyone opened their gifts. He said yes. That made me feel good. His family was so sweet to me. I was worried that he was gonna be resentful that I was invading his space since he never invited me. He walked me to my car when I was leaving and said he felt bad cause he didn't have a gift for me but he didn't know that I was gonna be there. He had no idea that just allowing me to be there with him was the best gift he could have given me. I really want to re-marry if he ever wanted to. Part of me knows that he still loves me but is resisting. I have a feeling he is seeing someone too. I sent him a note in the mail thanking him for a special Christmas. Should I continue the contact or leave him alone?<BR>

You sent him the note. I'd wait to see if he responds back. Maybe drop him a line in a month or so, just to make sure. But after that, he needs to reciprocate. My ex called me (unsolicited) about 4 months ago. Since then, every one of our discussions (phone or e-mail) has been initiated by me. He has always responded, but has never, since that one time months ago, ever initiated with me. The last time I e-mailed him, I told him it was the last time he'd ever be hearing from me, and meant it. Eventually, you'll get to that point too. For now, though, keep up whatever contact you feel comfortable with. You'll know when/if you're starting to feel like a pest. Even though I know you are anxious to re-establish a relationship with him, he doesn't necessarily need to feel that you are going to wait for him forever now that you two are divorced. <p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited December 27, 1999).]

I've been struggling with what to do for about 10 months now. That was when he moved out. I was the cheater. The divorce was final 5 months ago. I was sending him cards, letters, care packages etc. with no response but kept doing them because I really wanted to prove to him that I wasn't going to give up. I stopped 3 months ago but I still sent him a card for Halloween and Thanksgiving. He never contacted me except once he called back after leaving a message at his work. It made me feel good cause he didn't HAVE to call me back if he really didn't want to. That was the day after Thanksgiving and I hadn't heard from him since until Christmas day. I really feel like his family wants us to get back together and they even know about my affair. It's hard knowing that his family has forgiven me but he possibly hasn't. I keep praying and feel that God wants me to be patient but I too am 35 and want to have children, hopefully with him. I just wish I knew if he felt that there was a chance sometime, then the waiting wouldn't be so hard.

Your post moved me by its sincerity.<BR>You truly must love your ex yet. I wish you the very best

The first thing my ex's mom said after he told her was "forgive her". His friends who knew me before all of this happened also thought our marriage was salvageable. Oh well. <P>There was a time when I felt I was too old to find someone new and have a family and staying with my ex was my last real chance, because of my age. After doing some research, I realized this was not the case. First of all, I make a very good living and could easily provide for a child on my own. I have no desire to give birth, as I believe that there are way to many children in this world that need good homes. I'm planning on adopting after I graduate. Although adoption by a single mother is tough in this country, there are many countries that accept adoption by a single woman up to the age of 45. My boss and his wife just adopted a little girl from China, and are just thrilled. There are other alternatives out there for women who aren't in a position to chase down a sperm donor. Guys can wait till their 55 to start a family (look at Warren Beatty, for instance). Women don't have that luxury.

Never Again-<BR>Yes I do truly love my H, I only wish he knew how much. I am trying to be so patient while waiting for his pain to heal. I simply can not give up on the idea of re-marriage to him. I know he still loves me, I could feel it when I saw him on Christmas morning. All I want is another chance.

hurtingtoo,<BR>I'm sorry to be so negative with my last post. I can tell you very much want to be with your husband. Noone can tell you when the time is right to continue contact, or end it. Until you know for sure, I'd encourage you to maintain contact.

You weren't. It sound like our stories are very similar but boy how I wish it were only a "story". I'll keep you in my prayers<p>[This message has been edited by HurtingToo (edited December 29, 1999).]

I've stop sending him things as often 'cause I want him to know that I respect the fact that he divorced me, although if it were entirely up to me, I would call him everyday and tell him I love him. I was sending him a card or letter about every three days. Since sept. I've only sent him a Halloween and Thanksgiving card and of course Christmas. I do want to keep contact but how do I know if it is doing more harm than good?

Anyone have a spouse that cheated and is trying to win you back? I could use some advice. I can't afford to do anything wrong.<BR>[This message has been edited by HurtingToo (edited December 29, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by HurtingToo (edited December 29, 1999).]