2,
The test email I sent you came back. I tried godhelpme2@sbcglobal.net.

?????

I'm logging off for awhile. Hope to see some of you in here later.

Hi Rocked. Good for you! What a man! I'm not there yet. Maybe one day soon. Praying I will be.

Anyway,I'm working on my e-mail and will get back to you guys.

True, my husband was good friends with OW before the A. I knew that. I liked her too. He says he misses the friendship, but that is what happened. He also understands now how dangerous a "friendship" with another woman can be. He vows that he will never be friends in that way with another woman again.

You can't have female "friends" with whom you discuss your marriage, your sexual history, your dreams. You cannot share with a friend of the opposite sex the things you share with your wife. Things have to be off limits and he knows that.

Sadly, I have asked him to cool off several other friendships he has with women. He has agreed and thinks it is the right thing to do too. Even women he has been close to for your years. He understands that it is not right.

I have 1 close guy friend who is a mutal friend. I talk to T all the time and share a lot with him, but nothing I keep from my husband. I also let my husband know about every conversation in detail. He is comfortable with our friendship.

Anyway, Rocked I know I'm good in bed because I satisfy my husband and he me. We have a healthy sex life including wild sometimes, romantic other times, new places and sometimes new things. My husband's sex with the OW was about the same just "different". He knows I'm good. I'm up for anything within reason. Sometimes he has to tell me he won't go there!

2,
That is what I've been trying to tell my H. I purposely stay away from situations like that. He has never believed me about the friendhship things with the opposite sex. I have to admit, that the OW is the 1st friend of his that I did not meet. He was going to introduce us once, but that is when the EA really started. She told him something like she thought he wanted more, and that she was embarassed to have have thought it. Then my idiot husband told her that if he wasn't married he would want the same thing, but that he loved and respected me too much to do anything to hurt me. Well, I guess you can see how much he loved and respected me, because it was only about a week later when she kissed him, and two weeks later that she screwed him.
I've now told him that ANY relationship with either male or female that both spouses do not feel comfortable with is OUT. He now has to share his every conversation as well, because he held back about that one and then it was too late.
You're very insightful. Thank you for your input!

Rocked is back. Hang on...I'm just reading everything.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You females are so right about relat's your H's have with the opp sex. Even if they are strictly business, church, social, neighborhood, family reunion, etc. There should ALWAYS be understood borders in place that you and your H have discussed and agreed upon. I saw my W developing a close relationship with the OM (Offending Male, is that right?) in a volunteer organization. She is a "helper" personality and has always excelled in helping people. I had kind of a gut-feeling once when I saw her doing some help-work in his office but dismissed it as nothing. Oh how I wish I could rewind time to that moment and speak out about my feeling. It may have made the diff.

My opinion here: Borders you should instill relative to relat's betw your H and another woman:
1- Never alone 2gether. EVER! Not in a car, not a work lunch, not talking in the lobby at church.
2- Your H should tell you about any new female he meets. Even at work.
3- No inappropriate touching (ie. frontal hugs, sitting close, shoulder rubbing, hand on leg, etc.)
4- Don't allow him to have a private password for his email, IM, cell, etc. AND YOU CHECK THE USAGE RECORDS REGULARLY.
5- Ask your H regulary (1/wk) if he has had any feelings toward another woman.
6- Make your husband calls you on his cell when he is just leaving work. You should know how long it takes for him to get home.

Sorry this is so text-book. I just feel so strongly in this area. In fact, it has saved me over the years from any possible missteps.

2,
Have you alrdy left for your time away? I think it's a good thing. I left town for 1-week 3-days after my DDay 10-10-04. Spent time with a buddy in the midwest. Needed to get away, seek God, pray, read, think rationally, consider my options, pout, talk to my friend and his wife, etc.

My suggestion is to have fun, find renewal in the Lord and read. The Bible #1, but knowing what I do about your situation try the same book I read on my sabbatical. "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil McGraw.

Let me know how things go. Praying for you and your husband.

Good Afternoon Everyone!

Well, much better this afternoon. H been talking more about how things were in the A and more about the OW. A little more each day helps me.

I am still bothered that sometimes (he's not very articulate in the first place) when he talks about her, that it comes out in present tense. I called him on it. He says because it was still so "fresh". (It's been 1 1/2 months since NC.)

I just still have a hard time believing there is NC because he emailed her from his work email the day after I told him I found out their multiple long distant calls on our cell bill. He said he emailed her that he didn't want her to contact him again via email nor phone and he would do the same. He says when he first met her she said she just wanted sex and no commitment. Then he said she became "pushy" about "more" of a relationship and thats when he wanted to end contact. That's maybe why she felt she could call him at any time day or night, even if I were to be near his cell phone.

I just can't see her giving up so easily. I have asked him on a weekly basis if she has made any contact and he tells me no and of course vice versa. They were only together via cell and email for 8 weeks after meeting on a weekend trip with one sexual encounter at the end of the 8 weeks. I really get tired of questioning him, but it's all I know how to do right now.

Sorry for rambling. He's taking a nap and I'm going to join him.

Rocked-ditto to 2 on being good in bed. H and I have always satisfied each other.

2-We sound alot alike. Two great women!!! Oh and great women in bed!!!

All this bed-talk...hope my W + kids don't see this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Not sure I'm as confident in my abilities as you ladies are but that could be due to several years of minimal activity and of course my W choosing to do it with another guy for over 12 months. And, the 3 years since we've been moved to another city have not been regular. Prior to DDay at one stretch we had S 3 times in 6 months. And 2 of those were obligatory on my wife's part. (I think she felt sorry for me). She has admitted to low self-esteem, pride and of course the A that kept her distanced. Other than that, tho, ???. I'm not a slob or anything!

Let me finish by saying that since the DDay, confession and extreme openness, there's been a 180 turnaround. Have had more E+P intimacy than ever. She's even begun doing things she was closed-minded to before. I text-messaged her at work today asking for a favor tonight (wink, wink!) and she replied back..."YES!". Wow! Going to a movie and then going to get my favor.

Gotta go now...my keyboard is heatin' up!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Hey Guys! Been gone for most of the day. Rocked I haven't left for my sabbatical, but I'm only going to get 3 days.

It's funny because ever since I decided to stay home with the kids 4 years ago, I've felt very guilty about spending money on me. As a result I let my appearance slide. Never thought my husband cared, because he never said anything...the problem! Anyway, I felt all bad about being away from the kids and spending all that money on me and then I was like "Wait a minute! I deserve it!" The thing is...we have the money! My husband asked me if I could get away for 3 days for under a grand. I was like "are you kidding?" Where do you think I"m going?!

Anyway, I'm planning it for the weekend of Jan. 21-23. Just me. Might go to San Diego, Palm Springs or Ojai. All are local for me. Looking forward to the alone time to think, pray and rejuvenate. Maybe when I come back I'll be more like you Rocked...and start rocking his world again!

I'm still working on my e-mail. Let you know when I get it straight.

Try this e-mail. I checked it to make sure it is working. It is dbrry3@sbcglobal.net. I hope to hear from you guys.

So here is what is on my agenda for the weekend. My best friend from early college is coming over tonight. She got engaged over Christmas to a guy she met on the internet. I'm happy for her. She knows me and my hubby from the very beginning. She loves us both.

I soooooooo do not want to be a buzz kill for her. I don't want to have her talking about marriage all happy while I'm dying inside. I thought about telling her when this all broke, but knowing she was soon expecting engagement, I decided not to. I thought it might scare her.

Anyway, I'm making dinner and we are all going to celebrate (minus her man. He lives out of state.) So please just pray that I can stay happy for her...regardless of the constant discussion of marriage. Please don't let her ask any questions like "what's the secret to a happy marriage?" because I just might blurt it all out.

So pray for restaint and wisdom with her tonight.

Tomorrow, my husband and I go over ALL the finances. I had allowed him responsiblity in all the money, but now, I need to know everything. He has been agreeable and willing. So I HATE money so it is going to be grueling and I hope I don't end up resenting the fact that I have to do this NOW! How many men would love a wife who trusted them with the money? Allowed them to be head of the house? Gave them the freedom to have female friends? And he BLEW it ALL! Stupid, stupid!

Anyway, I'll be around for about 2 more hours today.

Hey 2,
Maybe that was our problem.
About 12 years ago I gave all the money jazz over to him because of his complaining "where did all our money go...yadayada".
I also retired at 40, 7 years agoa and work part time from home to be with our high school kids. I noticed that's when "things" got strange, now looking back.
Hmmmm, maybe I need to get back into the working field again. I feel guilty taking "our" money for myself too, but he never has a problem with what he wants.
Boy 2...are we married to the same man or what?
My Father has issues to, big time. He and my Mother even had "their" girlfriend move in with them years ago (she's sick and in a home as of last year), but what a strange pair they are. My Mother would do "anything" that would make my Father happy and still does. I told myself as a young girl witness to my parents that I never wanted to grow up and have a marriage like theirs.
Funny...maybe it's genetic, yuck!

Oh and 2,
Yes, I will say a prayer for you and your best friend.
Just smile at her and should she ask that "what is the secret to a good marriage", tell her to ask your H!

2, I will be praying for you also.
Hope everybody has a good weekend, I hate to leave, but the movers are getting to the new house earlier than expected, and I need to rush down state to be there tomorrow morning. Please pray for me also, because this move will be very hard on the whole family. You can email me if you want, but I won't have computer access until Monday, I think. I will be thinking of you all. Have a positive weekend.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: truetoself ]</small>

My prayers will include you too True...drive safe!

Holiday! Just sent you an e-mail. Your parents had a girlfriend? What the hell is that all about? I learned from my parents too what kind of marriage I did NOT want. My husband had always been the man of my dreams. Do you think he still can be after this?

True good luck with your move. Hope to talk Monday.

Brad and Jennifer just split! Hollywood's power couple! See! Even the darlings have marital problems.

Hey Guys! I need you! Since my husband returned to work in the "new" office he has been taking the train to work a lot. It has been incredibly rainy in CAL and he said the train ride allows him to do his BIBLE study and stuff.

So anyway, he called me just now to tell me he missed his train. It is an hour before the next one leaves. You know I'm sitting here thinking their meeting. I could hear the trains in the background, and I'm like she's meeting him there. They are going to talk. I'm dying here! I really have this horrible feeling about it.

Has he missed the train before? All the time. Was he with her? I have no idea. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I swear if my girlfriend wasn't on her way, I'd be in my car in the rain making the hour drive to check up on him. It is such a lousey feeling. How can I verify his story?

OK Guys. You want to know what my husband just did? He sent me an e-mail from his hand held telling me he was sorry and then listing about 20 reasons why he loves me. So super sweet! But to top it all off, he wrote "Because you have big knocks that bounce when you are on top!' How funny is that! I actually laughed and thought maybe he can get some tonight! I wrote him back and said "That's one thing I know for sure I have over her...big knocks!" Then he wrote back and said "you have EVERYTHING over her!" I actually felt love for the first time in about 2 weeks! I guess there is hope for us!

He called right after to ask if he could be affectionate with me when our girlfriend is here. He didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. I told him he could.

So anyway, that is what happened. Talk to you guys tomorrow.