DM-IMO,...Make the first move. It will be very hard, but if you need your sexual needs met, go for it. What are we all afraid of in the end here??? Rejection? Abandonment?? My Mom use to say to me in my high school dating years about a boy who I had this huge crush on and who did not return my feelings..."Honey, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?"
If your H comes home to you every day and sleeps with you every night with you in his arms...that's truly where he wants to be, use it!

A WS has an affair and we the BS, suffer all the consequences. No attraction, no sex, no trust, worry, fear, abandonment, rejection, etc...

So I say, Take it Back! Worst case senario...it's already here. Hurts me to say, but if all else fails, we will be single, the very last thing we want. So "take" what you want back. Your spouse, your marriage.

Men will get close to their wives through sex. Sorry Rocked, women through men's words, affection and attention, that's what I believe. Men can not connect with us emotionally until they physically feel us through sex.

DM-Try to be the last thing on his mind in the am and pm! Get in his head.

2-Not to say that the WS should not be remorseful nor have consequences to deal with...but, I really don't feel shaming anyone will help to correct a situation either. And sometimes I think it may make the sitch worse in the long haul. It's just what I think. Enough of my soapbox.

Ahhh, football...

Hey Everyone. Good posts.

DM, I'd suggest 2 things: 1)To break the 6-month holdout you might have to make the first move on your H. Yeah it will be hard cuz we WS's think they should move first. But 6-months w/o sex means you're in crisis mode. Try it once and see. 2)Protect yourself from trying to get that need in you met somewhere else.

Football? I was napping. After the Colts threw up 21pts it was time to Z-Z-Z-Z. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Not sure how much more I can post today. Know I am thinking of each of you.

2-Rocked...THANK YOU for the advice... I think I will do exactly as you suggested- just make the 1st move, right? And Rocked- you're right, we are in crisis mode!!! SERIOUS crisis mode. So, I just need to be as confident as 2 is and make that move! 2- can you send me some of your good vibes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I wish I was half as confident as you and Rocked! This is a little TMI- but I have no bedroom confidence- I was raised in a household that sex was a negative/ bad thing. I will just leave it at that!

H is home from fishing.... being super sweet. Maybe this is the night for my move! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

How is everyone else? I feel like I have been SOO selfish here... sorry. And I have thanked ya'll for your friendships??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey Guys! Good hearing from you Rocked and Dog.

Holiday, I'm not trying to shame my husband...really. I know how bad it hurts him and I'm not trying to hurt him in all this. But I'm also not trying to protect him or not be real with myself. I needed to tell my best friend and if that caused him shame, then that is the consquences for his actions. Shaming him purposefully is not my goal.

It does help however to know he's truly sorry and embarassed. It does help me in the healing process to see that kind of remorse from him. It makes me more confident that he won't repeat. Ultimately, I don't know what he'll do, but it helps me.

Having a relapse. I found out some more "details" that have left me feeling totally gross. I just realized that my H went on a trip to Vegas where the first time happened right before I was due with my son. He actually cut the trip short because I was afraid I would go into labor. I did 3 days after he returned. I just now realized that it was THAT trip (he goes to Vegas often).

So I was like what kind of a girl would sleep with a man whose wife she knows and knows his wife is due any second!? I could have literally called them while screwing to have him come home because I was in labor. Doesn't that make a man, no matter how good-looking, unattractive and gross? To know his pregnant wife is due any second?

But what about him? What kind of guy does something like that? That is repulsive! Leave your wife on Friday hoping she doesn't go into labor while you are gone, screw someone who works for you on Sat., and then come home Sunday and be in the hospital with me Wed. having your son? Then! Less than 3 weeks later you are back in Vegas with her (planned trip) even after your son is admitted back into the hospital for a week because he is sick?! The WHOLE thing blows my mind! How did this happen? What were they thinking?! Both of them?!

I'm struggling here. Feeling soooooo down. Someone pick me up...please!

2... here I am- though I don't know how much I can pick you up- because I TOTALLY agree with you- BOTH are disgusting!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He totally had no brain waves going on at the time. Are there any more little details that are going to pop up and set you back? (sorta a question for him) Because that is all this does- set you back.

Here is one to make you think of something else.. I asked my H to tell me today who kissed who first- he says he blocked it from his mind so he can't REMEMBER!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS????? How stupid do I look??????

So atleast your H tells you what you ask. How did it come up? Just curious. I am here- so lean on me all you need to!!!!

Hey Dog,

Left for a little while to take my daughter to a b-day party.

It came up because I just started thinking. I suddenly remembered that he went to Vegas RIGHT before I had my son. I don't know why it hadn't crossed my mind before...but it didn't. So I said "was that the first time? That trip?!" and he said yes. I was floored! I knew it was while I was pregnant, but I didn't know I was DUE! The next time was a couple of weeks later when my son was less than a month old. Again, I thought (based on what he was saying) that it was several months after the Vegas trip, but it wasn't. It was only several weeks. I couldn't believe he left me home with an infant to go do that. I am horrified.

I just said, "If you couldn't love me when I was birthing the son you always wanted, then I am doomed. I was sooooo proud to be having your baby and you didn't even care enough about me to treat me with a little decency. You are both disgusting."

I had a good long cry and he held me and apologized (again) and he admitted it was disgusting. Then I said (and I know it sounds crazy) but I said "you know what upsets me soo much? She didn't even deserve you. She's a little tramp and you deserve so much better. Truthfully I disappointed that you didn't think enough of yourself."

So I'm feeling a little better after the party. Getting a glass of wine and watching Desperate Housewives soon. Just the show I need! Pray for me! See you guys tomorrow! I hope we hear from True

2- you keep your chin up... I will not be here until tomorrow night- have to work!! 7am-7pm

Ya'll have a good day- think of me as I will all of you! Don't talk bad about me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And don't let Rocked rag on my name!!!!

Prayers are with you...

Arf! Arf! I couldn't pass that opp up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2, I have some words for you that will put your situation in perspective. But I want to wait till later this morning when I have more time. I just jumped online to see what was posted yesterday. Hang in there. You're going through natural emotions...I am there too.

What is THE email address that works for you again?

2, I too have found myself at times dwelling on the details of my W's A. Playing the images back in my mind of her and him together. Locations, what they did, their sneakiness, etc. And when I do all it results in are knots in my stomach, my heartbeat races, and I get in a depressed defeated mood. As Christians let's just call it all for what is...EVIL SIN!! With God's grace and help we have to not dwell on the past details and try to focus forward. Remember, Satan wants you to remember the past. Jesus is about healing you from the past and creating a new and beautiful future beyond your wildest dreams.

Let's encourage one another and hold each other accountable in this. Hang in there. You are "God's Girl!"

DM, I'm waiting with great anticipation to hear how "Operation Initiation" went with your H last night. (wink! wink!). I'm hoping you broke the 6-month holdout and started on the road of renewed intimacy.

Holiday,
Hey, I'm tracking with you on that men/women...emotional/physical difference. I didn't lead you to believe otherwise did I? Part of the reason my W and I have had such a great sex life since DDay is because of the emotional connection that resulted and the renewed commitment on my part to meet her needs. (kind words, non-sexual touch, time together, conversation, dates, creative surprises, shared responsibilities around the house, being a better parent to our kids, not focusing on work so much, etc.).

Having said all that you ladies better not come visiting me if your marriages don't work out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, none of you are up yet this morning. You got that football watchin' hangover. I'm checking out and will be back in a while to see who is ready to chat.

All of you are special in my book!!

Hey Rocked! Sent you an e-mail. I'm here and probably will be all day since it is raining like Noah's Ark here.

Having a Rough Morning.

2, For some reason the email I just tried sending you came back. ??? godhm2@sbcglobal.net?

Good Morning!

Guess I'm the "sleeper inner" today...I am on PST. Took my daughter to school this am and dropped back into bed. All this thinking wears me out, but I need to think.

2-Yes, this is a relapse, but look how far you've come. It is disgusting. Sounds like your H couldn't deal with a pregnant wife and maybe all the "new" financial responsibilities awaiting him. He used the OW as a fantasy release. No excuse, but maybe a reason.

My H had a hard time (funny, I thought all men found pregnant women adorable...) even looking at me naked when I was full term. I even had a hard time looking at myself, ha!

I understand when things "pop" in our heads and we want real answers, yet sometimes we aren't ready enough to hear them and they can be devastating.

2 just breathe. You have come so far. Just keep your mind set that he is trying so hard to work through this with you.

DM-I, like Rocked, am waiting to hear your decision on the first move...Remember, I only made a suggestion. If you don't feel it, just keep working on it.

Well, I am off to lift "Arnold" weights. Keeps me sane...only wish I could loose 10 lbs that I have gained in the past year since moving here to this new town. I will look for you all later.

Oh and Rocked-When my husband stops me from whatever I am doing and holds me...well, the night is going to be good to him, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ! He was waiting up for me after the concert last night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , which was excellent, very talented Aaron Lewis. Oh and my H too, hee hee.

I'm blushing!!

Hey Guys! Rocked did you get my return e-mail? The one you sent to dbrry3@sbcglobal.net is working.

I'm off to the mall for a while. I need to get out...even in all this rain.

Talk to you guys later!

I'll send a test to the dbrry3 address. When you're feeling down and it's raining, only one thing left to do...SHOP!

Gosh, you ladies are rubbing off on me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HI HI HI!!!! I have had no time to read the posts- I am home for the quick lunch break I have... but had to tell ya'll I did not get to break my 6 month dry spell- YET!!! I felt my stomach bug coming back yesterday- then had a bad night- THEN... it's my girly time today..... so I have been super under the weather!!!!

Just wanted to say hi to my pals!!! I will be here tonight- but then ya'll are gone... I MISS YOU GUYS!!!! Should we start a new post? How many pages can we go here???

Ya'll have a good afternoon- it's a Monday at work!!!! CU 2-nite... DM