2-Again, she's not worth your time. She's done. I don't feel you should put your husband up to "any" contact with her whatsoever and the same for you. Stay clear of her.

After I confronted my H that I found about the A, he told me the story. He also told me that because of her phone call he wanted to end everything with her. He was angry, probably too, because he got caught, with her. He told me the day after DDay he wrote her from work to never call nor email him again.

This all came up again for us yesterday morning. It feels good for a moment and then "bam" right back into it. This is just it's process. I hope we all can survive it.

I told him since I didn't "witness" this NC contract...how was I suppose to "really" know it was over? He also told me that he deleted her email address and her telephone number. He was getting preturbed (splg?) with our discussion and told me that he doesn't know what else he can tell me since I have no trust in him. He said it was like "beating his head against a wall" (which I wish he would do sometimes, ha!)

So I now need to take him on his word so I can get past this. It twists me up so bad sometimes I want to scream. But, I want to be married to him, I love him and this is the choice I am making. Keep us in your prayers.

Rocked is in the house. Trying to catch up on all the posts. Will chime in when done.

Major set back. Last night during our discussion, my husband came clean about a conversation he had with the OW 3 days after he returned to work. She corned him and confronted him about not talking to her. She asked him if the relationship had been "real". He told me he kept the conversation brief, didn't answer her question about it being "real", she got pissy, he told her he needed to leave and walked away.

He told me this LAST NIGHT! Almost a month after it happened. We were 2 weeks after D-day. He agreed to have no contact with her and to tell me about every conversation. He told me last night that God kept putting it on his heart to tell me. He said he didn't tell me before because I still was so emotional at the time that he didn't know how I'd react.

I got up and told him I was going to bed. He came to bed afterwards and asked me what I was feeling. I told him I couldn't trust him, plain and simple. I am really angry this morning.

I do not trust him to tell me the truth. He will hide things he knows I cannot find out about. I found it non coincidental that he tells me this the same day I had a conversation with someone at his job who he now realizes is my eyes and ears. He was probably afraid that the conversation would get back to me after the OW had told people about it, so he came clean.

I'm seriously pondering seperation. I have counseling today.

Done reading. Wow, lot's of stuff going on. I long for the days of the past (pre D-Day, early marriage). I would have done things a lot differently. But, since I can't do that I have to deal with the present and the future as best I can...by God's grace.

Responses to your posts:

Holiday- I agree 100% with your quote..."I think WS's when trying to get their "fix" so to speak become the most selfish people in the world. And like I have read..."a fog" blankets all judgement." When I asked my wife how she could do what she did her answer was that at the time she didn't care about anyone but herself. (Boy that hurt me!). Didn't care about me, our 3 kids, chance of pregnancy, reputation, job, future, etc. That is the "FOG" that blinds our spouses enabling them to do what they did.

True- Happy to hear your bed-esteem has improved and am hoping your H benefits from it.

2- My heart is heavy for you. Let me encourage you to NOT fall into the enemy's trap to play mind games with the OW (ie. "flaunting your H in front of her, etc.), or the trap of name-calling (ie. slut, whore, tramp, etc). Don't lower yourself to her level. Take the high road and you'l feel better in the end for it. I agree with Holiday that your H needs you now. As hard as it may be affirm his present actions to reconnect with you.

2- You asked the question, "How did my W end the A?" In my sitch the PA ended because I moved my family out of the city for a job relo. However the EA (off and on for 3 more yrs) ended when I ran across an AIM log on my pc of the conversation they had the night before. 10-10-04 my heart was broken. 10-11-04 I confronted her.

2- I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with your H still working in the same location as the OW...and his lack of honesty. Separation can work but make sure you get lots of input from trusted friends before makeing that decision. Doesn't this MB site have an area it talk s about Plan A and Plan B? I think it involves separation, but haven't read it closely enough.

Your email address. You say you receive my tests at dbrry3, but the emails you send me are from a diff address and don't work when I try to reply. ???

Good Morning...hopefully.

Hmmm, 2, you probably are getting tired of me asking you to move out of this place. But I really need to say this again. Get this hatred out of your body, your mind, your soul. It will "consume" all of you.
I don't feel seperation is a good idea for you and your family.

I think your H is really, really trying. I get new bits and pieces of the A still to this day and DDay was 113005. My H says the same thing, "I don't know if you are emotionally ready to hear this", so he waits until he thinks I can (I also believe he's waiting for a time that I don't have the feelings of pulling out a weapon, ha!)

Keep your mind open. I agree with Rocked. This is a plan by the OW to injure you more and in turn make you "ugly" to your husband. She's smart and stupid at the same time. Do you know what I mean here? Can you pull yourself back right now and look into your relationship from the outside? She is trying to destroy your friendship with you H. Remember, (sorry Rocked) he's a man. He doesn't understand these "women" games.

Well, I am off for a new class at the gym called "core". I have no idea what I will be doing, but I think it will be worth the time. I keep reading that during this type of emotional roller coaster we should keep on "moving". Excercise, excercise, excercise to keep our minds clear. 2, I know you have small children, but do you have an excercise plan at home?

2- I am crying for you as I read your posts. I am so sorry for your continued pain. I know that even our sympathy cannot make you feel better, but PLEASE know we are thinking about you and sending you our love!
I was feeling so good this morning B/C my H and I had a really fun night. And, yes, Rocked, he is benefiting from my renewed self esteem.
My question for all of you today is this: do you feel like when you are doing the things that you found out your S did with the OP that you are reclaiming them for yourself? When I was talking to my H last night, I realized that I want to do those things to that she did to him that made him feel good, not b/c he deserves them, but because I want to own them again. I am even willing to do some things I might not have done in the past, so that I can reclaim what is mine? Does that make sense? Also, when you all are being intimate, do you think about your S with the other person? I do. When he closes his eyes, I think it is b/c he is thinking of her, or I wonder if I am doing things better or if he liked how she did it better. I know, I'm a psycho, and if I told you some of the other things I think about you would all run away screaming!!!
Anyway, I am here for a little while, b/c I am still waiting for our stupid movers who will NEVER bring us our stuff.

Hi Guys,

Went for a walk since it finally stopped raining after like 2 weeks straight. Had a nice walk and a good talk with God. He got me back on track. Still looking forward to my couselors wise advice today, she is sooooo great!

True, I'm still waiting to hear about your new location.

You know I don't think much about my husband having sex with OW, he had lots of OW before me. But I think of her when he touchs me gently or rubs my head. It is the tender times I think of her...not the sex. Like I said before, I'm good in bed!

Holiday - we share a d-day! I think we should all make plans to meet around D-day next year. That's a great idea. Where do you all live? I'm in normally sunny Southern California. Born and raised. My hubby is from Chicago. We met in college at UCLA.

Rocked, sorry about the e-mail dilemma. It is officially godhm2@sbcglobal.net. Try me again.

Thanks guys! I'll post after my counseling session.

Anybody here?

woof woof... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Look who's making fun of your name now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How ya been? How are the dogs?

Hey all... I was jsut flipping channels and Montel Williams show is on in my area right now (2pm-3pm) and the topic is "Confessions of an Affair"...I don't ever watch this show but I think I will today....

Hey guys! I am here for a couple of minutes.
2--my new location SUCKS! I am a city girl who has been moved to the country. I don't mind the country, in fact have always wanted to live there, but there ae some circumstances about this move that so not make it as happy as it could be, and no it doesn't have to do with the OW.
It's been a rough afternoon for me again. I have nothing to do but think, and trust me when I think about it, it gets worse.

Hi Rocked... I'm ok... having femals problems today so feel kinda crappy. But it's my day off so it's not bad. Dogs are good... my littlest one- she is 11 months old- she has a broken foot and now she has a hurt hip... so I am a little upset about all that. But other than all that- I am doing ok. And you?? I am looking forward to feeling physically better so I can end the dry spell.

DM, I can't help you with the lady problems.

True, is there any option to get out of the country back to the city or are you stuck? What SUCKS about it? Lack of people? Type of people? Entertainment avail? No mall? Only one DQ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I'm a city boy. When I lived for a short while in a midwest small town I found it refreshing. But would never have wanted to sink roots down there forever.

True, did you get me email?

Rocked,
sent you an e-mail back.
DogMom, I sympathize with your lady problems! Hope you're ok. Give your little puppy hugs and kisses from me. Poor little thing. I have a big black lab who is such a baby. He probably would fall over dead if he broke is paw! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
It's not the country life that SUCKS, it's just that I am used to a different way of life. I actually have to take care of some chickens now. How do I do that? I know nothing about chickens, but they came with the house, and we said we'd take care of them! They do lay eggs, so I won't be needing to buy them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey...

Just checking posts on 2...
I live in wonderful Nevada...suburb of Las Vegas and there is only one, so you can figure out where I am.

H and I are doing more talking today. It really helps. 3/4 through Monogamy Myth book. Helps alot. I don't feel so all alone all the time. And all of you help too.

Weather has been very strange here. Sun and rain at the same tme with alot of wind.

DM, sorry to read about your puppy.

Rocked, do you work from home like me? I really miss the "semi country" life style. Since moving here to "stucco" land, I stay indoors for the majority of the day, unless I need to shop or go to the gym. My new class kicked my butt this am.

I am going to see if I can find Montel...

From one city-folk to another... you take care of chickens by snapping their neck, defeathering, and then grilling with lots of BBQ sauce. Serve with corn on the cob, and hot apple pie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Holiday, I was wondering who would be the first to wonder why a man was home during the day on his pc.

First one to guess gets their steak dinner tab picked up by me when we all meet someday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />