2-I feel the same way. I make myself attractive to myself and my husband. But, I think it is different with men, and now the "new age, new woman", it's ego. I feel WS's have extremely low self esteem.

My H acts like his looks don't really matter, but hey, he's even got a Harley (Sorry, Rocked...but, I think M/C's are ego extensions. Oh and yes, I will still be your friend via Yamaha!)

Well, back to work. I will check on you all later.

Oh and DM, yes, Rocked a pimp! I laughed.

Hey guys, I have missed you so much today! Been hanging out with the stupid movers. I am going to send you all their name so that you can tell everyone not to deal with them, but I won't post it on the board.
SJS, Welcome to our group! All of my new friends are so wonderful, please feel free to post often. I am soooooo sorry it took me so long to get on board today, but like I said before--MORONS, oops I mean MOVERS! I understand how you feel, believe me. Yesterday was a really bad time. I even thought about leaving my H for awhile. It infuriates me to think that he didn't think of me once, and that she knew he was married. Even sitting here typing about it makes me mad. Today was rough, too, b/c he was away from me all day with his new job. If I called and he didn't check in right away, I panicked. I could have really used my support group today. I hope you come to feel the same way about all of us. I've tried to look at it this way, my H was a REALLY good H for 10 years, and a real *sshole for 2 months. If I really love this man, should I just throw away the 10 years of marriage and 6 years of dating before that? It hurts like he** to think that he needed more than me when he was my EVERYTHING, but it's something that I am trying to live with, and HOPE I can overcome. Anyway, I will not be able to post again until tomorrow night, but will be willing to do anything I can to help!
DogMOM, I LOL at the pimp thing. I noticed Rocked didn't reply. HMMMMMM!
Rocked, I will resend that email when I can. Probably tomorrow. Are you a consultant of some kind? My bro, and dad work at home with their pc, and go out on calls when necessary.
2, I finally get to join you in this counceling thing. I go for my 1st appointment on Sat. I can't wait. I would offer you some pearl of wisdom, but my brain is fried, so please just know you'll be in my prayers tonight!
Holiday, I have been meaning to e-mail you back to say hi. I promise I will do that tomorrow! Keep strong!
See you all tomorrow, sorry for this EXTREMELY long post! I'll be thinking of you all tonight and praying for your rest and comfort!

Hey Guys! Counseling went great! I love it when she socks it to him in that gentle loving Christian way. It is soooooo cool!

Anyway, as I expected there have been several other A all of which where emotional until this one. Our counselor defined an emotional affair (because he said he wasn't getting it) as anyone who becomes a priority to you.

What I discovered yesterday was that my husband was carrying on an emotional affair with ANOTHER woman, while he was carrying on his "real" affair with the OW. As I looked at his phone bill again (I was soooo busy focusing on the OW) that I completely missed all the calls to the EA lady. It was sooooo revealing. He was calling one right after the other until he reached whoever first. After he talked to one for about 20 minutes, he talked to the other...right after! BIZARRE behavior if you ask me. I think they both would feel totally rejected if they knew about the other...because they both knew about me. But aside from me, I think they thought they were next on his priority list...and they weren't.

Now for some strange reason that makes me feel good. I know, it should make me feel worse that there were 2 instead of one. But it makes me feel better because 1) it really did have nothing to do with the OW being so irresistable and 2) It looks more like a "problem" as opposed to just a bad error in judgement.

Our counselor pointed out tonight that my husband has shown a "pattern" of relying on other women to fill a "void". Fortunately for both of us it did not turn sexual until this one...but that was only by the grace of God. He had positioned himself with all these previous women 4 in total in our 7 years of marriage, to take that next step of sex if he or they would have went there. I think it was mutual not going there with 2 of them, one was all him and obviously he and the OW went there. But I believe it was because she was willing. At that point in his life, he would have went there with any of the other 3 had they been in the picture at the time.

So we are now dealing with a "problem" that comes from more than just this OW. That makes me feel the need to stand by him and support him. Our session ended well and I have been loving with him since. He might get some action tonight!

Anyway, good luck True with counseling. I hope it helps as much as it is helping us.

God Bless and Good night.

2-That's the best news I have heard all day. Keep that up spirit heading up!

I continually have, like True, the feeling something isn't right when my H has to work a 24 hour shift. I just get this horrible no trust feeling like he's still lying to me about NC. I just feel crazy.

On a better note...He came home late last night from a Union meeting and woke me up...if you know what I mean... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Rocked. He even turned the lights on at midnight to see better while making love to me (we aren't lights out people, but he made the moment more memorable by saying he wanted to see "me"). Strange how your sex life gets crazier trying to "take back" what hopefully is yours.

On a sad note...My daughter was watching a teenage program she likes tonight. The context had to do with a parent having an affair. She stated: "I would hate my Dad if he had an affair. I would never talk to him again." "I wouldn't talk to you Mom if you had one either."

Wow, I don't think she has caught on to our relationship issues right now (maybe subconsiously...how could she not). As I have said before, we are very loving with each other through all this.

I worry that my children will find out and although I know it may be a good thing for my H to learn a lesson here, I feel it would devastate them. Perhaps that is what my Mother always tried to hide from us. I was the oldest and I think I knew my Dad pretty well. At one point when I was 17, I told him to leave and never come back, that I could take care of our Mom. I didn't want him to make her cry anymore and I knew he had female friends and attractions. He left for a few hours and my Mom went crazy. I had to hunt him down and bring him home to her. I haven't had that memory in years.

Back to a better note...2-again I am happy to hear your good news.
True-I look forward to an email from you.
SJS-Talk to us! How are you holding up?
Rocked-I haven't been to Central yet. My daughter went to a New Years Eve party for teenagers last year and had a great time. A few of my firefighter friends and family attend that church and love it.
DM-How is your puppy baby???

Until tomorrow...you are all in my prayers...

Okay, you're on to me. I am a Pimp! I make my living pimping wives who have been hurt by the A's of their H's. I prowl around on support websites like this one to fish for more employees. I know it's wrong but the money is what I'm in it for.

Now, who gets the free steak?

JUST KIDDING!!!

YOU LADIES ARE SICK, SICK, SICK! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My feelings are hurt so I'm going to go sulk in the corner until all ya'll come over to apologize and convince me to come out and dance with you again.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Okay...I am sorry Rocked...please dance! I am now really interested in what you do. Is it something I could do from home as a profession or did you just take your profession home with you?
I will check on you all later. H working a 24 hr OT shift today. Hope I make it without things "popping" into my head. I am trying to stay busy sewing today.

Thanks for your words of support. Turetoself you made a good point with the 10years of good husband and 2 months of *sshole. Is it good for me to want to know all the details of the A? including the sex? I find myself thinking about it a whole lot. When I talk to my H about the details he tells me but I turn into a very angry person. SO I have told him I will stop asking questions but I have this need to know as well. Anybody tell me what you think of this. Thanks! Have a good day

SJS, That has been my struggle as well. More so in the first month after D-Day (10-10-04). It's a difficult conflict between wanting to know all the details and being able to handle those details emotionally. My wife answered with generalities and "I don't rememeber"'s. I think she just didn't want me to be hurt further. I have since basically backed off from asking about the specifics and taken it for granted that they did about everything. As you can read in these posts I believe what we allow our minds to think about and dwell on will in a big way influence our attitude, actions, and ultimately the speed of our recovery. It's not easy, I know personally. But we make our choices daily as to who we will be and I am choosing to be a healer.

Welcome to our friendship circle of one guy (me) all girls...who have no clue as to what I do for a living. HA.

ATTENTION!! So far I'm only accepting dance invites from Holiday and SJS! Apologies from all others accepted 24/7 for renewal into the Rocked Dance Club!

Good morning SJS...Rule of thumb for me, don't ask any question that when answered truthfully, you can't handle.
Ask! But be cautious in the answer. Let your H know that you need to know just about every detail, but you need it in small doses. Also, let your H know that you feel your rights to your reaction and you will have them daily.
It will be hard, but I feel the more you know the better you will in the long run feel. Remember, not at first, over time. Just breathe...

SJS... let me first address you and the questions you are asking... I feel you are in a critical place and I want to try to help. In answer to your question about wanting to know the details... (remember I am NOT a professional- just been in your shoes) I think wanting to know is VERY normal- VERY normal. Now, I will give you both sides to think about: 1) if you know the details your imagination is not allowed to invent these grand visions- because at times let's face it- a woman's mind can invent grand images. BUT 2) if you know each and every detail you will play each and every move that was made- you will play that over and over and and over in your head- all the time. SO- it's a personal thing to decide if you want all the details. PERSONALLY, I wanted the details TO A POINT- because I cannot live with playing it in my head over and over. Does that make sense? I think a good way to think about it is this- how do you handle someone dying- do you like to look at them one last time in their casket and see them OR do you just like to "leave it be" ? I'm more of a "leave it be" person- but my best friend MUST see the person, touch the person and know every detail. Does that make sense?

Am I helping AT ALL????? I have to tell you- your situation is even a bit more difficult than mine- you were seriously betrayed by TWO people in your life- so that is a double whammy!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> My arms are around you in a hug!!!! Please let me know if you just want me to shut up and leave you alone or if I am helping. I am only here to help so if I am not- I will leave you alone. OH! How is your mom?

Ok, I am making it official...

Rocked, will you please dance with me?

And FYI- I'm having a very "dark" day here. Can you die from a broken heart- cuz I think I might. There was a part of me that was jsut not going to log on today- because I am so sad, depressed... but then I thought maybe my friends could help.

DogMom,
I'm having a "blue" day too. I guess that means we gotta slow dance!

True and 2...my butt is locked to the plastic seat next to the punch bowl until I hear from you two. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Okay Rocked and DM...
I am sending you 1/2 of my positive feelings today in hopes to brighten your day!
Sometimes you just need to move aroung to feel better.

Okay...Rocked and DM...give me 5 jumping jacks. I MEAN IT...GET UP AND JUMP!!!!
Now doesn't that feel better? If not, at least you are laughing or out of breath and thinking about something else, right?

Holiday, Because I respect you so much I literally got up from my desk and did, not 5, but TEN jumping jacks! Serious! Got a smile on my face and my blood is pumping through my veins. No practical use for that increased blood flow though. Better walk to the mailbox and check the mail before I get in trouble! HA.

Thanks for caring enough to kick our butts! I think I feel this way in part cuz I don't feel my wife is reaching out to me like she has been trying to lately. My bottom line state of mind right now is that I want to be wanted. Admired. And that translates into needing her to initiate contact, E+P intimacy, etc. I know this sounds selfish, but DARN IT can't we be selfish occasionally after all the selfish enjoyment our spouses experienced? The last thing I want to happen is for us to revert back to the way of living we had gotten too accustomed to pre-affair...spouses living as roommates. No passion.

I'm going to shut up now.

Hey Mr Rocked...you best never shut up! Speak and keep talking...get it out!

I think this is just part of the "ride". First our spouses shower us with attention and then hold back then shower us and then hold back...just a process I suspect.

I sometimes feel like a puppy at the door when my master returns from being away all day. "Give me love, pet my head, rub my belly", etc.

I was on a lengthy conversation with one of my H sister's on the phone a few minutes ago. She has a clue to my H past "experiences" but I haven't told her about the last. Out of all of my H family, she has been the closet to me and our children.

My H family thrives on kaos. They have all been married 2 or more times and love when my H and I should have a problem. Instead of helping they can't wait for it to turn ugly. Yuck, sad when even your family doesn't back you.

I think this has alot to do with how my H feels about himself. He's number 6 in 7 kids and had a Mother who worried more about her children and her grandchildren than her H and it really hurt their marriage. Not to say we shouldn't worry about our children, just the old saying: Your children should revolve around you, not you revolve around your children. I feel if your H or W comes first, your children will be happier in the long run just being witness to that love.

Okay off to the showers...
And Rocked, may I add without this being TMI, you sound like one h.....y young man...good for you!

Hey, don't you wish this thing had spell check...My spelling sah moer ot eb dseired...