Hey all, just checking in too.
Today is our 23rd Anniversary...yeeha!
Taking everyone out for pizza (H brother and sister in law have been here all weekend and went to a lovely dinner with them last night too).
I will check on you all tomorrow.
Prayers...

Hey All,
Rocked just letting you know I am hear to listen.
2, I would LOVE to hear your strategies for dealing. I am having a very tough time. I told my H last night that I don't think I can get over this, and I am afraid that we will get D. I told him at my low points I feel like I don't love him anymore. I know, wrong thing to say, but he asked, and like I said, we have always been honest, except from about Sept-Dec of last year. And the dishonesty was on his part.
Holiday, how did you manage your anniversary? Just LOOKING at my wedding pictures makes my heart break. I can't even look at my Ireland pictures from June, and not think how I THOUGHT my marriage was so perfect, and how it turned out to be just another lie.
DogMom, where have you gone? I have emailed you a couple of times, are you out of the group for good? I hope that all is well for you and your H.
Well, gotta run. Let me know either on the board or through email how everyone is doing!
True

Holiday Congrats! My D-day was just a week before our 7 year. We still went out and had a nice time. So you be sure to do the same.

Had a major meltdown last night. A family picture taken during all this (when I was completely unaware and rather happy with life) triggered it. It was the worst cry I had since Christmas Eve. But you know what? It went OK. I cried, he held me and that was it. No yelling, no accusations, no questions of "How could you?". Just a cry because of the pain. In a way, it felt good. I'm still hurting and crying helps.

Anyway, Rocked we are all anxious to hear what is up. Holiday Congrats! True, want to give us an update?

Cried myself last night too...
My brother in law and his new wife of 1 year were here for the weekend.
2-This is the couple I talked about on another post...they each had an A on their long term spouses and are now married.
I told my H that the whole weekend was rough, even though I love my brother in law and his wife is lovely, that it made it hard for me to feel that his A wouldn't happen again and again until he finally met someone who he would want to "begin anew" with.
He was having a hard time understanding why I let their new M make me cry...sometimes I tell ya, sometimes I need that ol' 2x4!

Hello all, I am new here, depressed and in turmoil,have 2 sons,34 yrold devoted mom, married 9 years, husband moved out unbeknownst to me with lover of 4 years from foriegn countrhe was hurting inside and needed some space to be the dad and husband that he jknows he can be-is what he asked for whom he bought to usa, they also had an unplanned preganacy and aborted it a few mths ago.for 4 years they have had an e-mail affair, then meeting in various foreign lands and then recently, he secured a place for her to live for her 4 blocks from my home, where he would tell me he was going to see the buddies. The lies, the unanswered cell calls, the coming in at 5am, are insurmountable. Their plan, according to her-whom I confronted face to face, was to start a new life together. I found about all of this gradually. IT hurts like a deep knife in your heart. I have supported him with consistency through all his plans and habits for 10 years, including drug abuse. I thought I had something that I don't. He claims that he needs space to figure his internal demons out, but writing is on the wall. In one instatnce he seems to want to reconcile and i still love him and miss him like crazy, just found out about thhis 2 weeks ago now and still cant sleep or eat, or function normally, i am scared , i am hurt repulsed disgusted, feel betrayed and used. Has anyone out there ever had this level of betrayal??? And did you repair it?

Of course we all have. I know you have gone threw more symtoms then you have said, shaking emotional break downs. We all have. You will make it out ok. I promice. Do you have someone near to cry on there shoulder. It is very important for you to have some support. We are here to listen but it's nice to have a shoulder too.

Thank you for being concerned about me. Without getting into the nitty gritty basically here's what happened last Friday morning. I had some concerns about my W seemingly drifting back to a level of interaction with me that I interpret as selfish on her part. Meaning, she does things that make me feel that she is more concerned about being the Taker and not so much the Giver. Sex was even reverting back to our old "focus mostly on her" standard. But when I shared with her my feelings she responded in a sarcastic and pointed way. And when I heard that I blew up. (That kind of attitude reminds me of when the A happended and sets me off). After turning over a small table and slamming some doors I left the house and wasn't sure what I would end up doing. Frankly I was thinking either I would chuck the whole marriage renewal out the window or try to hurt her back by finding my own 3rd party sexual outlet. I went to a restaurant for breakfast and one of my closest friends who knows about the A called me. I found out that my W had phoned him when I left the house because she was concerned about me. His call helped calm me down a bit. I learned in all this that I have a lot of pent up anger and bitterness inside me still about what my W did. When I finally went home we talked and she apologized. She really is trying but admitted to being basically a selfish person. (Duh!) We haven't seen a MC yet about the A but both agree that we need to see one now. Have you all been in counseling? Individual and/or with your H's?

My W and I are back on better terms and trying once again to make it work. Thank you for your concerns and prayers. I have to run now so look forward to hearing from you all a little later.

Stacifer,
I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I knew words to tell you how to deal with the pain. Unfortunately, I am new to this as well, and do not know how to overcome my own pain.
Here's what I have heard other say.
-Read ALL the information here
-Post often, and ask many questions
-Post over on the General Questions Board, there are more "expert" people there.
-Get some counseling. It really does help!
-Institute the Plan A. You can find it on one of the boards. PLus, there is a really good posts about newly betrayed spouses. I'm not sure exactly where, but just look around.
-Most of all don't make ANY permanent decisions during this initial phase. The shock and pain IS unbearable, but don't let it overpower your ability to think logically.(yeah, right, eh?)
Anyway, again, I am so sorry for your pain. I hope this has helped a little bit. Take care.

Rocked a MC is a must. Get one as soon as posible. It always helps to have a independent party to help open the both of your eyes to what you need to do to recover. Have you read His Needs Her Needs? I asked my wife to go through it chapter by chapter with me. I try not to be to critical of her mistake so we can move on. She has finaly started to see my side of this and admitted her feelings to me.

Rocked,
Wow, what a day you had. I am sorry you couldn't talk to us. I am glad you DID have a friend to help you there. Counseling is a good idea, I am glad you and your W have finally "seen the light". I guess I can't say it has helped us much since we have been to only one session together, and not much was accomplished, but I am hoping it will. I know what you are feeling, I have felt this way myself. If you have noticed any of my other posts, I have been having the same feelings. They come and go, and I think that part kills me, too. I HATE feeling like this!
Sorry, this post is supposed to be about you. If you get a chance let me/us know what's up.
Take care, I will be praying for you and your wife!

First,
Welcome to Stacifer (splg?) and RHMike!
Second, Rocked, I often feel and worry about what you went through Friday.
I keep trying to remember that while I am working so hard I have to control my reactions towards my not feeling my H is working just the same at times (do I make any sense?).
Meaning, that perhaps my expectations are set too high, too too soon.
Bottomline, we are still here, together. Through the thick of it. I was really hoping for our anniversary weekend to be with each other, alone. But my H had forgot months ago that his brother and wife were coming for a antique gun show here in Vegas, sooooooo needless to say, not alone and my new sis in law wanted my M skills and we talked and talked and talked (like I'm some pro at it now, ha).
I am glad you had a friend Rocked who could help you. Sometimes all this feels like two steps forward, one step back. Don't give up!

Holiday I would say your H owes you BIG time! Hope he does something nice for you after they leave. I guess I've blown more then my share of anv's and b-days. Trying not to do that again.

Well, he kind of messed up and felt bad for it. He got me pink roses a card and dinner two nights out. Sad thing was he was dead tired from walking a convention center all day on Saturday and then another convention center on Sunday.

Thanks RH...I guess it really is hard for men to sometimes understand that thing women have for special occasions. I really wish I didn't feel it was such a big deal, but I just can't shake it. I guess it falls under "Her Needs". And yes, great book. I am now reading "Love and Respect" (I always knew it was a man's world...it's in writing, right in the bible!)

The bible is the best book and here are a couple of others I like: Light Her Fire (it's about how to make love to her with your mind) very important as I'm sure you know. The next one I'm reading will be Every Man's Marriage ( same basic concept). I don't ever want my wife to feel neglected again. By it for your H give him a kiss and tell him to start reading. To tell the truth I like to make my wife happy.

Holiday,
I am going to try to keep your post in my head. Our 7th anniversary is in April, 5 days before the OW birthday.

My brother is getting married this July and we were asked to be in the wedding 9 days after d-day. I tried my best to get out of it, but couldn't. Only my mom and godmother from my family know about our mess. I am so afraid for this wedding in July, only praying that he will start working with me on the marriage before then. I can TOTALLY understand how this would be a trigger for you!

Hang in there!

Bottledup Schedule a date or something on the OW bday so you can try to keep his mind off her. It will be hard on you I know but it is worth a try.

RH,
I really like that idea. One friend told me that if he is with me, he ain't with her. I had given him too many opps by not going with him to visit his relatives every weekend 45 min drive away and 15 min. from OW location.

Thanks!

Plan something you think he will like so it is harder for him to back out of. Go get him! He's your man!

Hey all! I am having a REALLY bad morning! It is so stupid but, boy it hurts. See, my H had been getting this daily comic strip sent to his email. The OW told him about it, but I didn't know that until just the other day(so much for full disclosure), but he said he would unsubscribe to it. He tried, but he needed a password and he couldn't remember it. Now, he could have gone into the site and found out, b/c I did. What I found is what hurt me. Her name was his password. He has NEVER used my name as a password. Has never even thought about it until recently. Also, his user name was something that he actually talked about with me and my daughter one night. I just remembered that. I am wondering if he didn't try b/c he knew it had something to do with her, and I have forwarded(is that even a word) all his e-mail to mine.
I was feeling so good this morning, like I was ready to start moving on, and this little stupid detail is making me think I hate him. I can't even stand to think about him at the moment. Am I just crazy? Do things like this set you guys off?
If you are out there, please write. I really need to talk to someone. If not I will talk to you all later!