dear true & holiday thank you so much for talking to me I have been gone for a few days, H and I went to Gatlinburg It was nice to get away We both want this to work and your site here has helped so much. I have alot of ups and downs,and H tries hard to help we have been married 30 yrs!! This just took me by such a shock,I know its always a shock,but you would think after all this time we would be beyond it. the OW is still trying to talk to him!!! he told her it was over,but she keeps coming around. you see when it all started he said he tried to get out but she would theaten susicide and he is in mangement at his co. He was afraid she would do something with that. her husband left her and she did cut her whirsts and went to mental ward. now she is back and it scares me about what she is capable of. ANY advice on this would help again thank you all so much

Sharon,
I wish I had advice. I thought The OW in my sitch was psycho! Has your H mailed the NC letter? I would change all phone #'s, emails, anything she can get ahold of. Also, you need to make sure that it is the OW contacting your H and not the other way around. I know that sounds harsh, and you will feel like a fool, but trust me if I would have gone with my gut feelings, I would have found out about my H's sitch A LOT sooner, and maybe I could have changed some things! Just be vigilant and keep your boundries in tack!
Everybody else in recovery land, I hope your V-day is going better than mine. I am sooo sad today, I've been crying since my H left for work. This day SUCKS! My H is trying so hard, and has been for the last week; you would think that I would be at least somewhat happy. OH well. I guess I will TRY not to dwell on the fact that today is for lovers, and my lover chose to give away what should have been mine forever, and more.
Oh by the way, don't rent the movie "Ray" if you haven't seen it. I will trigger your dark moods(although as a movie it was good). Will I ever be able to watch these types of things? How long should I wait to watch the movie they saw together? Should I watch it when I am down already, or wait a couple of years? AAAGGGHHH!

True,
Okay, you've found me out. I'll go ahead and admit it...I'm a ballroom dance instructor. I'm ashamed I was too emabarrased to admit that up front. Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Same movie? Don't see it. Cruise? Possibly, as long as it won't make you feel lonely. I hear the theme parks in Orlando are great to visit this time of year!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Glad to hear your H is trying. Vast improvement from early on, huh?

Yea! The boards are back up! WOOHOO!!! I don't know if you all have a hard time getting on, but I sure do.
Yes, my day is still in the **itter. But, I am trying to pull my way back up.
Did you all deicide to do something for V-day? We aren't going to. We did some stuff this weekend, so I guess that'll be it.
Again, I hope you all have a much better V-day than me.

Well, my day was blah...
H had an OT all day (24 hrs) so, no Valentine surprise for him until tomorrow night, ha!
He gave our daughter and me really cute little baskets filled with goodies and a wonderful card.
Sorry True to hear you are having a rotten day.
Sharon-My first response (bad as this is) was to say...let the OW slit her wrists. Forgive me God! But, like True said, make sure it's not your H contacting her. If she's really wacko, he might need to tell his company about it all even though he may have reprocussions (splg?).
Rocked-A ballroom dance instructor? Wow. I have been wanting to take lession with my H for ages. We just don't "groove" together on the dance floor since, well since forever. He's a little bit country and I'm alot bit hard rock!!! Woohoo Van Halen rocks!!
Well, hope you are doing better tomorrow. I will check on you all. You're in my prayers.

Hey Holiday!
Yes, yesterday was BAD. My H thought I was suicidal at one point, and NO I wasn't. I just hadn't been that sad since the day after D-day. See, on D-day I was just numb with shock, it wasn't until the next morning that the physical pain hit. I must admit that I was thinking I wish I could lose myself in a bottle, or something but since I am not an drinker, for most part, that won't work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I am very afraid of pills, since they seem to do CRAZY things to people, so I guess I just have to deal with the pain myslef! Better for me in the long run anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
I thought the same thing about the OW, I just didn't say it! Actually, my H told me that his OW tried to do that once, and I wished that I would write her and she would do it again! Now that is evil, and I totally regretted it the moment I thought it(well, maybe 5 minutes later). My H said to me the other day that one thing that is really unfair in all of this is that we put so much time and energy into thinking about her, and she probably doesn't give us a second thought. She couldn't care less what we are going through. Although, the next day he stated again that this probably destroyed her life as well, so.......
Anyway, today is somewhat better. Did you ever have one of those dreams that when you woke up you were glad that it was just a dream? That's how I wake up these days, after my dreams, and realize that this time my H actually did it. Those first few moments in the morning are so sweet. I wake up to feel him next to me, feel the love that I have for him and how perfect we are for each other and then reality hits, and I cry. He told me that if he was me in as much pain as I am in, then he would divorce him and end all that pain! Easier said than done I have found out.
Anyway, I actually get to sit here at the computer if I want all day, b/c my little one is sick, and she will not let me get up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Nice excuse anyway.
True

True,
You and your H are seeing a counselor, right? Does he/she think you're experiencing clinical depression? Medication would help balance that out if that is the case.

My W borrowed a friend's Mazda Miata convertable last night for us to tool around in for VDay. Ate at a good Mexican Rest and then tooled around more. Had a nice time later at home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She also bought white roses for the family and VDay gift bags for our 3 kids. Her actions and thoughtfulness were a much needed "pick-me-up" to my day. She really is trying to be patient with me and move in a forward direction. I find myself with a more "blah" attitude about things lately. Not the life-of-the-party Rocked has been known to be. (Does that qualify me for depression too?).

2, Your man loves you.

Holiday, You know the instructor has to dance with his students first to effectively teach them, right?

True, Get out of the house and take some time for YOU! I hear Theme Parks are a good "get-away!"

Hey Guys. Really doing bad. Checking in to ask for prayer. Don't want to get into much because I don't want to bring you guys down. But True, I'm in the same place as you. These last 2 weeks have been the worst yet. Way worse than D-day. I can't get past this feeling of total doom. Seeing the OW Sunday didn't help either. For the first time since all this I can't stop thinking about physically hurting her. I just want to bash her face in (remember I knew her...not random chick for me.)

Anyway, Valentine's Day SUCKED for me. Everyday is sucking for me.

Just wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive even though I feel totally dead and wish it sometimes. Thank God I have kids or I probably would have slit my wrist by now.

Thanks for your prayers.
2

2, I'm praying for you. You better hang in there. But if you do decide to bash her face in would you get a digital pic of the aftermath and email all of us? HA. Sorry...that was really poor humor.

Hope your smiling. Know that you have friends here.

Hey all of you...yes, the days of doom are all around us...I have those days too.

Even this morning...lying in bed (after taking my daughter to the bus stop I take another little 15 min to myself)...I was thinking, are we really making a difference? should I just quit? am I ever really going to be happy again?

Hmmmm, all I can do is have faith and keep moving forward. I really feel we will all beat this. We will. Find something you like to do to take your minds off of all this. A project, a difficult hike, anything to stop your mind from thinking about all this all the time. My excercising is really helping. Makes me happy that I have completed a task and by the end of the time I am refreshed!

You are in my prayers. 2-Take care of yourself. Do something for yourself...True-maybe a MD is a good idea, just until you can get past the doom feelings. Rocked-hmmm, dancing with the instructor, what if my H steps on your foot? He's about 220, ha!

2, I am so sorry you are at the same place I have been. It does SUCK, and I, too, wish the pain would just end. Like you, the chick was not random. I did not have the opportunity to meet her personally, because as soon as my H said he wanted to introduce us, she had a hissy fit and told him she thought they were already having an affair(not in those exact words). Instead of ending the relationship, he decided to HAVE the affair she wanted. However, I knew about her, we had discussed how he shouldn't go out alone with her and how he talked about me all the time. She was engaged, and was supposably very religious. Well as you know that does count for *hit, right? I thought of her as safe. I was a stupid fool.
Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble, I really feel bad for you and unfortunately it brings out my negative feelings about my own sitch.
Holiday, you always say great things. I also wonder about the future, and cling to the stories of recovery. It is great to see that people can move past this. I am not sure if I am one of those people, as I ted to dwell obsessively on things, but hey I can hope!
I will put in extra prayers tonight. I feel God has answered some of prayers by sending me such great people to talk to. I wish we could have met on a better message board, but I guess I will just be grateful you are here!
True

I'm new to this site. I have been looking for a place to vent..so here goes. On the 19th of January I was invited to a counseling session with my niece where I was told that for four years (had stopped over the past year and a half) my husband made inappropriate comments and attempted to have sexual contact with her... 4 YEARSSS... my husband admits to this..I cannot believe this is happening to me..yes we had problems but for something like this to go on for four yearsss... I feel terrible..stupid...toooo trusting... I felt he was spending too much time with her but I felt she was at our house wayyy too much also.. There are many many things to tell but this is the main gist for now... Anyone with a similarity and/or any advice... For all their accounts no sex actually occurred... Help.. and answers .. needed thanks in advance....

Dear Seek...welcome to our little gathering. I am sorry to hear of your pain. Anything remotely close to an A is an A, so I would say we all have similar experiences.

And go ahead and vent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ! For alot of us, this is the only place we can come to, to just that. The crimes of a WS are hard to tell others about, even our bestest of friends <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

The first thing I would tell you is to READ, READ, READ everything in MB about anything and everything about affairs. There is alot of great information to get you through this extremely tough time. Put on your battle gear girl, cuz it's just begun. But I believe you can achieve peace, somehow, someday.

Second, is your H ready to work on your M? Has there been NC (no contact) between your niece and your H since you found this out? Is your niece still interested in your H and vice versa?

Keep posting your feelings as I am sure you have hundreds of them right now. I will place you in my prayers tonight and ask God to show you "your" strength through this...you have it!

True-email me if you need me...I will always be here for you.

Good morning all! Today is another day, and I have decided to try and at least start cleaning the house, even in my bad times. I have always been one to clean when I am mad(usually better than normal), but not when I am sad. I had a dream last night where my H told me he didn't love me anymore, and couldn''t take being married to someone who was so sad all the time. He needed someone like the OW(perky and energetic). AAAAGGHHH! Why can't I dream of nice things?
Anyway, hope everybody else has a great day!
True

Your H in your dream is right. When he compares the two of you, which one is he going to pick? It sounds like good advice to me. Heed his words even if you don't when he's awake.

Hi Guys,

Your prayers must have worked because after 2 weeks, I finally feel relief today. Counseling yesterday helped. I got a chance to just vent and had my first arguement with my counselor. Long story, but I DON't have to agree with her take on everything. I think I know the situation better than her.

Anyway, feeling better. Hope you all are too. God Bless! 2

2, I am glad you feel better. It is nice to hear! I was getting really worried about you yesterday.
Have a better and better day!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2, Pick which airport you wanna land in and get your landing gear down!!!

True, What's with the 4 green guys? Is that an Irish basketball team minus one player, or what?? Thought anymore about your self-vacation?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Has anyone heard from DogMom? We're gonna have to vote her off the Island if she doesn't check in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks for all your prayers. I've been having some good days lately.

Airport??? Where is 2 going?

As for my own vacation----who knows! No theme parks for me, though! I might get hurt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find a good babysitter? We need one for our MC sessions! Help!

Good Afternoon all...
Glad to see we are all on a more positive note today!

True...get that house cleaned, you will feel better when your surroundings aren't cluttered.
2-What did the counselor say to you to make you want to fight? Let's have it.
Rocked-Good going man! Keep up those happy days.

Funny for years my motto always was (like the Army's motto)...Marriage is not an adventure, it's a job! Ha, well that's where we are right now. The key is to "loving" our job again.

God bless...