It has been about 6 weeks since i found out my wife was cheating on me with an old fiend from high school…she known him for 26 years . she says it happened between 7 & 10 times over 3 years…he lives two hours away and my wife would see him when she went to visit her sister in a different state. My wife visited her sister about 3 times a year the the last 3 years…there was much more email communication between the other man and my wife… she says the sex was always very quick in a car or outside in the woods…very quick. We have many many fights..i question her everyday about the details and she seems to be telling me the truth. the truth is very painful and i know almost everything now...how, where, how many times..what she said, what he said…everything. my questions are pushing her further away. i try not to ask, but i can't help it...maybe i'm looking for a reason why which i might never find. she has called the police twice and I talked to a lawyer for advice and so has my wife, but we still hanging on my a thread. She tells me to stop questioning her so we can move forward in the relationship...she says she is very sorry and she is sincere. She wants to work on our marriage...she confessed her sin to a priest and is going to church now..She say she wants US back the way we were..she tells me she wants her knight in shinning armor back again...she says she will rededicate the rest of her life back to me...but I can't stop thinking about it...i keep asking questions around the clock…I can’t believe she risked everything..our two children, our house, our relationship…I can’t believe it…I’m still in shock and anger….my emotions swing from a matter of fact in happened and she is sorry and maybe we can work it out…. To full rage and anger….we only really connect with each other is through sex…it seems odd…we always had a lot of sex. The funny thing my wide said the other man smokes and is short…and she say she hates thoses traits in a man, but they were still together…she say he made her feel good about herself…he was just giving her lines to have sex and she admits she fell for his lines….does it get better????…sometimes I feel like a fool trying to stay and work it out…

Andrew
I am sorry you are feeling so much pain, but know its fairly normal after only 6 weeks.

Now first of all your W is being unrealistic to think you can 'just get over it' and 'move on' with your lives.

It doesn't work that way.

I did the same thing with my H and and about the only moving on I brought about was a close call on a divorce. That was because he got so angry and frustrated he couldn't see another way out.

Then it finally got through to me that I had to answer questions for as long as he needed to ask them....though a lot of people here and a counsellor had to work on me seeing that.

SO I suggest you get a pro marriage counsellor or use the phone counselling service here with the Harley's, also there is Cerri or another M coach on saveyourmarriage.com all are quite good from what people say.
Costs are high for the Harleys but I suppose they are best we know of.

Your wife needs to acknowledge the pain and hurt she has caused you and allow you whatever time you require to think things through.
I suggest you make it a non negotiable condition that there is MC to help you recover & your wife recommit to the M

Hi Andrew,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> does it get better????…</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes it can get better. But it takes a strong commitment from you and your W... and in my humble opinion, a good pro-marriage marrige counselor. It appears that you and your W do want to try and mend things... but right now, your pain and anger are not allowing you to think clearly. A good MC won't make the pain go away, nor will they make your rebuilding process any quicker... but it will keep both you and your W on track as you learn new ways to re-connect with each other.

The feelings that you've described are very typical for a BS... I've been there. My W and I never really started rebuilding our M until we started MC with our church... It was painful... and it didn't happen over night... But I can honestly say that my W and I are closer than ever before and our M is better than I ever dreamed it could be.

Find a Pro-M MC and start going with your W as soon as you can...

Semper Fi,
RIF