I discovered this affair and he said he hadn't done anything with her yet. But he packed the majority of his worked clothes and left here sat not to heard from since. This is a week old now. He wouldn't talk to me prior to this. I never knew anything was wrong. I found out she didn't know he was married and doesn't care. I don't know how to fight this. Everyone here seems to have their cheating spouse at home. I'm in such pain! I don't want to lose my marriage. I know really know how much I love him. I can't even seem to get angry because I hurt so much. He's doing thins so inconcsistant with his personality. I'm so confused.

Hi Pennypier,

Welcome to MB... I'm sorry that you are in so much pain and confusion right now. There are many helpful people that have gone through the very same thing.

Try to relax and take some deep breaths... even though the pain is horrible, you CAN make it through this. Take care of yourself by eating regularly (even if it's just a couple of bites... you still need your strenght), exercise, take a bubble bath... do something for you and you alone.

My W never left our home so I really don't have any specific advice to share... I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that some more experienced posters will stop by shortly...

Until then, read up on the articles here on the MB website... and let us know if there is anything specific that we can help you with.

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi Pennypier,

I'm not the experienced poster that was promised, but what I can do is add my sympathy. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I just found out a short while ago as well and was in the dark about it. So from that standpoint I know how you feel.

I've found it helps to read through the other postings. Unfortunately many here have similar experiences. I wish this was a different kind of discussion forum. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I would be concerned that your WS has moved out as a way to continue his affair. I hope you get some excellent advice on how to get him to break it off when he isn't with you.

I'm very sorry Pennypier, I added a prayer for you and I'm hoping things work out for you.

We had a good day yesterday. We had a terrific conversation on the phone for more than 40 miniutes. We spent almost 2 hours listening and discussing music together while he was doing some downloading. We worked on the new DVD player together. We had dinner together. I called when he needed something for physical therapy and I ran it over.

I took the day off from work and cleaned and put things away to make the house appear less cluttered. I have packed up all my collectible plush, and am getting ready to put some of my porcelain dolls away. I'm going nuts trying to make the house more "sterile" so that it will look like a couple lives there rather than just me.

Last night he went up to the guest room and closed the door. I checked my spywear this morning and he was on IM with her last night. This morning he was mean to me but I'm doing everything in my power not to raise my voice to him. I went so far to as so blow of my neighbors actions towards him as her new mode of operation so he will go out to the party we committed to more than a month ago. I keep telling him I love him and that our marriage is the most important thing in the world to me and I want it to work but after he's been in contact with her his walls go up and he becomes mean.

Someone please tell me how to get him out of her claws! She lives in her mother's house with her 2 kids, along with her father, sister and three kids and her brother. He's been staying at her house when he goes to see her and shoot pool. We live in PA she in in NJ where he was working.

His job security was threaten and he is fearful of that.

I need help and quickly!

I'm certainly no expert, but I'll give you my 2 cents worth. My WH is still at home. He's had several affairs and is involved in another one as we speak. He doesn't know I am aware of this current affair. He may be suspicious, though.

As far as what you should do, I don't know. If you have confronted him and he is still with her perhaps it is time to ask him to make a decision. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I think they like the security of marriage, but like to keep their options open. That's just not acceptable.

Hang in there. Read the articles here and you will get some good direction as to what you should do.

Click on the link in my signature line. Read the "Plan A" links. They will give you some good ideas. Plan A is about:

Avoiding Lovbebusters.
Exposure.
Telling him how you feel.
Meeting needs.

It sounds like you have gotten a good start.