I have just joined this amazing place where I can see many people have been though the same experiences as myself. My husband admitted to me just over a year ago that he had been having an affair with a co-worker. It has been occurring for 2-3 months. At the time, I was 5 weeks away from having our second child and we had just bought a house. I was absoulutely devistated yet at the time, we needed to concentrate on the birth of our son and my true feelings and emotions about the affair really got pushed to the side.We both recieved a small amount of counselling yet we mutually agreed that the woman we were seeing made us feel uncomfortable.Now a year on I am really starting to think constantly about it & what he actually did. All the progress we have made is turning sour and the more I think about it, the more I withdraw. Can somebody out there please advise me on why all of a sudden I feel this way and what I should do to aleviate the withdrawral from my husband, and to stop invisioning him with another woman

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 05:48 AM: Message edited by: firefly25 ]</small>

Its really hard having to deal with all you have had to deal with. Having a baby almost right after finding out that your husband had an affair. Is the affair over or does he still have contact with the OW (other woman)?

I am one year into recovery and am still having difficulty dealing with my husband's affair. I am still seeing a counsellor and am on anti-depressants. I don't think that I would have managed without both counselling and the anti-depressants.

I find the hardest thing after a year of feeling sad and miserable is the feelings I have for my husband now. . .they are not the same as prior to his affair. I don't think he is the beginning and end of my world anymore. I also don't think I have reached the stage where I have completely forgiven him. These things take time and most of the experienced members on this forum reckon on two years before you really start to recover.

Dear Enid, no my husband changed jobs straight after he told me about the affair. He met with the ow immediately after to tell her it was over as apparently she wanted it to continue seeing him. The thing that bugs me about that situation is that during his confession he told me he had always intended on telling me eventually about the affair, yet "I know that you will cope, I can see myself driving up to the house and picking the kids up" blah...blah....blah..
At that time I just thought to myself, gee you've really thought this through, you can invision your life without me already and you've just told me you've been seeing someone else? That's where I'm at now !!! Was it only a feeling of being comfortable and for the sake of having another child that we continued on our merry way with our lives,or did/ does he really want me for me???? And as mentioned earlier, these feelings have just started to surface primarily because my focus is less now on the children now that my son has turned one and I'm starting to focus on what it is that I'm really about.

Hi firefly25, welcome to MB. Here is a post that will be helpful to you http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000553

The reason you are having trouble now is because you and H haven't really dealt with the A yet, you did a little then had to bury everytging to concentrate on the new baby. The baby is here now, and suddenly this thing you buried has reared it's ugly head. Don't fool yourself, infidelity leaves an wound that must be cleaned up and treated or it will suddenly spring up nastier than ever.

I suggest you read the links in the thread I linked to for you and take heed. It is the general welcome thread for new builders and has very helpful information.

I can tell you now that you will never get the marriage you had or thought you had pre affair, BUT you can have a better on if you and H do the work needed to recover.

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: Bozos_ Deb ]</small>

I read your links and agree with the point you made that we really haven't dealt with the issue, but how do I do that when my husband is in the belief that everything is fine and dandy right now and these are MY feelings about the situation coming to the surface? HE is unaware of my thoughts wandering off to what happened. He has made some significant career changes and has achieved in providing us with a wonderful life style, and yes we have discussed what we want from each other emotionally, yet here I am needing to deal with this right now and I feel foolish for bringing it up so long after the event.

hi
I know what you mean. I to make alittle progress then withdraw when I think about him and her!
why do we get punished for their mistakes?

I glad a found this site I don't feel so alone any more. their are alot of us going through the same experiences.. and we all know the pain!

but why when it the A is over we are not to bring it up again? but yet that doen't make it or the pain go away. I know my memories are still very new. and its been a year for me.(finding out, only 3 mos still they stop talking)
thanks for being here for me I know I am not alone anymore!