Married, one son, together 31 years, married for 25. I am 56 he is 64. Sorry this is long.
Things hadn't been going that well I admit, stresses of our business, we were arguing all the time, no mutual respect, and we certainly couldn't communicate about our feelings. A great deal of unresolved differences!
I was also not very loving sexually to him as I could never understand how a male could be so cold to you one moment and then want sex. I felt like a receptacle.
We live in a very small town, and run a very successful school bus and charter business. H is a very young 64 old, wonderful father, kind, helpful, generous witty, handsome, but a terrible liar if cornered on matters that I now realise threaten his self perception. He will not admit that he is slightly deaf, tells me I am mumbling!
He was involved for many years in a football club that included a woman from a very religious family, whose 8 children my H has delivered to school over the years. They are very similar, run around the community doing good deeds; she and he are veritable super people, held in high esteem by everybody. Everybody tells me how lucky I am, to have a husband like him, while she would even find time to meet him at the bus stop with freshly baked buns.
I would jokingly say to our friends that he should have married someone like her, as I am a stay at home person, just supporting H by doing work for him on the computer. Four months ago I found out, he was having an A with her. I was half aware because of the way they interacted, and I know he admired her. He has done this once before 27 years ago and we separated for 12 months before he managed to woo me back. I still loved him, and we eventually married. But I didn't delve into why it happened, feeling I couldn't talk to him about it, so on reflection feel I have resented him all these years, and perhaps feeling that he didn't ever truly love me, although he has always been good to me.
I knew almost from day one what was going on (mobile phone calls) and through experience, but I allowed it to last for three weeks before I fronted him. Our only son was home studying for his final radiography exam, and I didn't want him to be compromised in anyway as he has tried so hard, and I knew H would lie so I needed real proof.
I have listened in on a very intimate conversation of theirs, one that is still destroying me.
Our son went back to his place and that day I confronted H with my proof. He lied terribly (understandably). Eventually he admitted it, but sobbed saying he would never do it again, he was just so unhappy in our relationship, saying that he felt somewhat justified. He rang the OW and told her it was over, but I listened on the extension phone, as I didn't trust him. He told her that he would love her until the day he died and that when she looked in his eyes she would know of his love for her, but he just could not bear the hurt in my eyes. Because he didn't know what information, I had, he lied about everything I asked him, and I was obsessive. The truth? only came out when I told him how I had listened to them. He told me he just said that to her because that is what you say? H thought he loved her at the time but not sure now. He said he doesn't like to hurt people, but that the OW should never have happened. I would have been happier I think if he told me that it was just sex and he lied to her too, but he says this wasn't the case.
Since then, he has done all the right things, not contacted her, been very attentive to me and for a while, it was like we were in love again (honeymoon period!). The OW has written two letters to us saying how sorry she is. I have replied once, giving her the knowledge I have and the contempt I feel about her, and her religion; I read it to my counsellor and she suggested I send it, as it was just the truth. Her husband and family do not know, so I guess she is also in conflict.
H and I talked and talked about where we went wrong, and counselling has helped, because it seems when a third person says something he takes it onboard. We didn't have the guts to tell each other how we were really feeling. I have changed sexually towards him (although that was really hard with all the visual images!) as he is more loving towards me.
My problem is that now four months later it is actually getting worse again, I am still so depressed, and can barely drag myself around. I want to communicate with him, but he just says that he doesn't do it very well (he did with her) that I am weird and obsessive (his need to move on!) and that I spoil things (conflict avoider!)
I am not saying anything anymore, but it is bursting inside of me, so I am spoiling things anyway by the way I am.
I found out through all this that he had been abused sexually by his brother as a child,(shock!) and my counsellor says that this can affect a males need to continually prove his masculinity. He hasn't bothered to ring the help line, even though I keep asking. Guess I am grasping at straws, because I am feeling so sad.
I don't really know what I feel for him anymore, even though the thought of losing him is terrible. Is just my pride hurt? Am I scared to be alone? Are my feelings because I still don't believe him so I am holding back? I think deep down that I am still unsure whether he really does love me; is he just too scared of the repercussions in our small town and the loss of his face and accrued assets. He told me going to her was not an option because of the hurt it would bring her family, but if she was free and things didn't change here, he would have gone. Do I feel that I don't deserve to be loved, because I accept that I probably helped to send him there? The OW wanted to run away with him, so she felt very loved.
I haven't told anyone about this except my sister who is sworn to secrecy, as even I would be ashamed if people knew. He tells me that he is so grateful to me for not saying anything, (is he just grateful?) is looking at me differently and now realises I am a kind person (after 30 years?) and that he now loves me again. He seems fine, while I am a mess.
I have visited many websites on the subject, but I am always drawn back to this forum and the help people give.
Of course, there is so much more, but am I just stuck in the grieving process? Am I wallowing in self-pity? I have told him that unless we reach intimacy on all levels we will go back to the way we were and I don't want to do that. I will accept any criticism as I am trying desperately to deal with the sort of person I am. I feel I am at a crossroad, and appreciate any help...my searching is keeping me going.

Hi Ozzie,

Welcome to MB... and I'm sorry that you are in so much pain.

When I hit the 4-6 month mark in our rebuilding process... I too had some doubts as to what was happening with our M. I think this is a 'normal' process that you and your H are going through.

I'm glad to see that you are both in counseling... IMHO, MC is the best way to work through the issues of an A... to try and do it on your own is just about impossible.

Give yourself several more months and continue with your MC... Rebuilding your M doesn't happen over night. I think that as you and your H learn new ways to communicate with each other, that these depressing/negative feelings will fade.

Semper Fi,
RIF

Ozzie,

I hope you read the articles on this site and perhaps the books on Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs. I think they will give you some great insights as they would your H if he will read them.

I also think that what you are feeling right now is normal. It has been observed here that the Betrayed spouse, BS, normally really hits a wall around the 6 month mark, and often there is a lot of anger. There is also the inevitable questions of "is this all?" "does he/she really love me".

I don't have much time but I would like to suggest that you reflect on the word love. It is a verb, it is an act. The feelings people associate with love are consequence of someone loving you and you loving someone.

I believe as you continue counseling and as your H works through withdrawal you two can make a marriage that satisfies you both, if you will choose to do what you vowed to do 25 years ago: love your spouse.

Here is where the catch often comes. Showing you love someone in an action sort of manner, requires action, but often these actions are not interpretted by the recipient as acts of love. Hence there is a disconnect. If you will read about needs and both you and H take the needs questionaire, I think both of you will see that you have missed the mark in showing the other your love and as the years have gone by it has led to a distance.

This distance can be closed with "target" efforts to meet the other persons needs. You may not appreciate this but it was Harley's recognition that even in teh best intentioned marriages, needs were often not recognized or if recognize not met in a satisfactory manner, hence his belief that a lot more marriage can be saved than were being saved.

From your post I am thinking you and your H might just be real good examples of this. Oh! one last thing. If you read the articles on needs or the book you will notice sexual fulfillment is a EMOTIONAL need. Harley does not list physical needs. This might make you think about the sexual side of your marriage and change your perspective a bit as well. You were not a receptacle, you were a source of connection. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Do some reading, please ask questions, and help out where you can. I think you two have a good chance of making this work.

One last,last thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Your H's "feelings" of love for OW, will fade, because they are "feelings" and they will NOT be supported by actions. It is the love bank Harley talks about. You on the other hand can indeed fill his love bank as he yours, and I believe you will see huge change in him and his feelings in the months to come. He is probably still in a bit of withdrawal from the A.

Must go.

Have a good weekend, and welcome to MB.

God Bless,

JL

Thankyou RIF and JL for finding time in your lives to reply to my post, they brought tears to my eyes as I read them and I am so grateful to think that someone out there will listen. Where I live in Australia the facilities for counselling are very limited, hence my need to reach out to you guys. Just knowing that what is happening is considered 'normal' is a huge help.

Over the weekend I will try to do as you suggest JL and really read what is available on the website...very slack that I haven't anyway, I am very self-absorbed at the moment and very teary.

My problem I think will be getting my H to really listen to me and to not dismiss my thoughts with words that make me withdraw, and for him to search within himself as to what his needs are. I don't think he really knows why he does things and I hope I am on the right track when I tell him that until you try to understand yourself, then we are destined to repeat our destructive behaviour.

I have not told him that I have joined this forum, as his attitude when I first started searching for answers was one of distain, what I would find on the internet is garbage. He did go to counselling with me, but his attitude was that I needed help to move on, not him. My counsellor says that he may be a little more arrogant than what other people perceive. I get stuck with communicating with him when he doesn't seem to want to take onboard what I am saying.......however he will listen if someone else agrees. Maybe he perceives me as a know all?


Anyway thankyou again, just to get it out is a relief in itself. There are a lot of sad people in the world it seems, who just need a friend sometimes to get them through.


Downunder

Well Ozzie,

What part of Australia are you from? We have and have had a fair number of Aussie posters here. The have been on both sides of the fence so to speak. Including a couple that posts here now.

You do live in a wonderful country. I have had the priviledge of visiting there a few times and was great.

Ozzie this stuff takes time. I might also like Harley's approach to this stuff as most of us guys do. It is sort of cut and dried and organized. It is not so "touchy feelie". I am NOT a "touchy feelie" sort of guy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Do some of the reading of the articles and see what you think. Then we can discuss where you feel you need to head in order to heal.

God Bless,

JL

Well I had been feeling very miserable for a few days, is all this pain worth it? It is also very hard to be objective when I am so down, and I don't seem to be able to drag myself up.

Still in the wee hours I came to the revelation that I am not listening to my own advice....I also was repeating past behaviour by retreating "see I am hurting and so what are you going to do about it", naturally he always did nothing!....big wake up call for me as I just normally let it slide, but the resentment would remain! Yes I realise now that he was just unaware!!but it is hard as when the 'discovery' was new, it seemed Ok for me to talk to him, but not now, which is causing problems with me.

H had been away for 4 days taking fire fighters to the stricken area on the coast in South Australia (this is my state, and I live in the Mid-North) so I had plenty of time to feel sorry for myself and let the doubts come back. But after my realisation I eventually broke down when he came back and told him that I had seen OW down the street,(I still feel a terrible anger towards her and her supposed values!) and then couldn't get it out of head that if his A had continued, he would have been ringing her every moment he could while he was away and yet he only contacted me twice.....very briefly.

Then I asked him to please not say I am weird, obsessive or spoiling things if I need to talk, as I 'disconnect' ( good description!), but could he try to be patient as spoiling things is the least of my intentions. H was wonderful, reassured me and understood how I felt about the phone calls! When the moment is right I will give him the questionnaire that I have downloaded and see if he will fill it in with me. I am determined to try and do everything I can, while accepting my blame in all this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Many thanks again for listening JL, you are right this is truly a beautiful place to live, but then so is the States as I have also visted your great country.

I am blown away by your words. I could have written every one of them. Your husband sounds just like mine - good, kind, a white knight to everyone (but me) - his OW shares all his interests: wilderness restoration, back-packing, rugged (which I am not), etc. etc. He kept saying that he felt terrible for hurting her - when I'd ask if he ever thinks he'll go back to her he says he thinks that door is closed (by her) and that he can't, not that he doesn't want to but that he can't. He only tells me the truth when I have absolute proof.
I am only five months into this whole thing. I still have a lot of downs but I am having a lot more ups lately.
My worst fear is that I will lose all respect for him and will start seeing him as a weak person - a pitiful person. I want to love him and respect and admire him like I did before.

You are in the same stage of life that my H and I are - I feel older than a lot of people who post here. I guess I never thought that things like this happened to people my age.
Thank you for posting your story - I hope you keep posting.

Ozzie,

Interesting word "blame". You said you would take your share of the "blame". I think as you move along there is something you need to recognize and that is "blame" is pretty useless, even if you accept your share.

I know you are new to this but I hope you will think about what I am going to say, and then talk with your H about it.

Blame is not what you need to assign. What needs to be addressed are the decisions, the causes, and the perspective each of you had and have. Then sit down and really think about what you would want your marriage to be like. How you would like to interact with your H, and he with you.

Ask your H to do the same and then compare notes. What has happened as it does with many is that each of you lost focus, and hence your way within your marriage. If you have learned nothing else you KNOW your H is not a mind reader. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He probably thinks you are as well.

So start discussing what a good marriage would be like to you, and what was good in the marriage in the past. I think you both will realize that you had many good times and that you BOTH want to be happy and fulfilled in the future.

Once you establish what you both would like the future to be and using the two policies mentioned in the articles here: the policy of "radical honesty" and the policy of Joint agreement, POJA, you two can start to build your marriage into something that satisfies BOTH of you.

Do you sense that the concept of "blame" is not very useful in what I said. What you both need to do is analyze what you want and what you don't want and some of what you don't want you already know from experience (for example another woman in the mix <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). The issue then comes down how to make the marriage such that you BOTH are protected and enjoy it.

You can do this. It takes time, and it takes a change in perspective. I think that one thing should be clear...neither of you HAVE to be in this marriage, so it should be something that you both want and need.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

JL with your insights I have to believe you are a counsellor yourself! Yes you are correct about the use of the word 'blame', probably not a good choice of words. I meant more that I have to become aware of past personal mistakes within my M before I can move on, as although I do not want to lose my identity through all this upheaval, I do want to become a better person and not sit back self-righteously thinking this was all H's problem. Probably still not right, hard on paper for me, you just have the perfect way of explaining it.The questionnaire I hope will further address joint issues, but our son is preparing to leave for Queensland for his first position as a Radiographer, so everything is on the backburner at the moment.

Thanks Aug12...wow, yes I have read some of your posts and I agree that you and I have similar situations........makes me feel even better somehow. I just couldn't tell anyone, my sister (bless her) only found out as she was concerned about the weight I had lost and pestered me until I broke down....she thought I was very ill (pretty close anyway).

I would feel so guilty? talking to all my friends and family and not telling them whilst dying inside; felt I was betraying them somehow. I also did the crying alone in the car (bad choice of music didn't help either!) ..I have wondered if I was being a martyr, but like you at that stage I figured he would run back to OW if I was high maintenance.

H is carrying on with everyone as 'normal', and sometimes I want to scream out what has happened although the desire to do this is diminishing. I am ashamed I think that they admire him so much, they will wonder what is wrong with me,( he seems so in control of himself) plus I know others would be hurt by my 'revenge'. But on another level I would still like OW H to know (spiteful, hurting side of me), she is held with very high regard in our community and people are always innocently talking to me about her, (it just seems to be always in my face) I know she must be suffering, but I just don't care-she has even waved to me. Through the A, OW was ringing me up asking for help with her computer and sending me funny emails!!!I know her reasonably well. I knew about the A through all this and I think it made my contempt for her worse. It was also traumatic to listen to her in my home and then have to wash his underwear. It was all so disgusting, and yet I have faced it which sometimes I can hardly believe.

Seems I don't know myself at all does it, but my feelings are so confused and can be at either end of the scale. I also want to continually do the "right thing" which is a strain.

However I am starting to feel more respect for H at the moment, as he appears to understand me a little more since our last discusson about my disconnection from him. He actually asked me today how I am going ( a first) and I told him about the forum....."I am glad you are finding some peace from it " was his answer!

I remember vividly all the words he said at the beginning, and yet he has denied ever saying so many hurtful things " I didn't love you anymore", " OW is such a wonderful person , I am so sorry I hurt her!" etc etc yes you have all heard it! I read somewhere that they are actually in a fog at that stage and not thinking straight..hard not to dismiss these words though, and not to recall all the beautiful things he said and did for her.

Our business is up for sale because of all this, as I cannot bear the thought of him even seeing her (she delivers her kids to the bus stop and picks them up every day and they had time together then). I will have a hurdle to cross in a couple of weeks when school resumes as the business could take some time to sell. One day at a time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ozzie,

Go to the Recovery section and read Bob Pure's thread about comments from his WS during the A. You will see that the term "fog" is more true than you may realize. Let me guess at something. You H believes that "real" men don't discuss their feelings and surely not their hurts, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm a guy, I suspect this is pretty normal for us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But, what you need to start to do is express to him what you need and seek what he needs. I am betting the concept of a "team" is pretty well ingrained in him. You two are a "team" and he needs to treat your marriage as that. It means you need to know what he is thinking and feeling so that you can best cover for him, and he needs to know your thinking and feeling so that he can best cover for you.

Here in the States, the term "got your back" is what is used. You two need to protect one another. When you hear something flattering about OW, smile...a knowing smile and say that is nice. She knows she is not a paragon of virtue. She knows you AND your H know her on a level that few do, including apparently her H. You have nothing to fear from her, but she has much to fear from you.

So step back and stop worrying about her, and work on the marriage. When your H gets home, wear that boy out, IF you love him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Make darn sure he meets your needs and thank him for it.

You can lead this parade Ozzie. You have far more control of this situation than you think. You are the mother of his children, you have been his lover for many years and you should still be, you are the woman that knows him best.

So when looking back at things, let's not look at "blame", look for actions and facts that let you know what was missing and what can be provided. Change your perspective abit and you can change things in your house greatly.

You have no idea what the power of your smile, your touch, you attention is. Use the power you have well and with focus (hence knowing his needs) and you will see changes that will surprise you. He will hate to admit that he is putty in your hands <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , but he will be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> All of us guys are you know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

JL your reply made me smile and naturally made me feel good about how strong I can be…..I think you are a 'touchy feelie' sort of guy after all…if not physically you certainly are emotionally (JMHO)

I have read Pure Bobs posts about the 'fog', it seems that all of the reactions by BS and WH are very common after all. I have also read a lot of your previous posts and you have certainly been helping others for along time…..do you mind me asking you what happened to bring you to this forum, as I am always interested in others stories and how they coped. If this is not acceptable then that is Ok, just thought I would ask.

Interestingly, it appears that I went to plan A after D-day without realising it. After listening to my H and the OW telling each other of their deep love, and how they were soul mates, I guess I just figured that they would want to be together; resigned would be the word.
I had forgotten that when I confronted him I told him that he could ring her whenever he wanted to, but to keep it quiet until our son had finished his exams. I also told him to ring her and make sure that her H didn't receive the phone bill as it would a dead giveaway, H thought I was being kind but actually I just wanted to make sure it was kept a secret. I was also numb I suppose, but after this he surprised me with the ferocity of his need for us to stay together.

OW in her letter has thanked me for not telling her family, and says she knows it is because I love my H and don't want him to experience further hurt. Actually not quite true as it is more to protect my family as a whole, not my H. I also noticed that she addressed parts of her letter to my H and is trying to make him feel better about her. She put on quite a temper tantrum when he told her that he would not be going to football any more, and I told her in my reply that my H learnt quite a bit about the real her from that. Yes JL she does fear me I think, (the light came on!) She also told of her daily sobbing and how alone she feels………wanting my H to feel sorry for her? OW is very transparent if I think about it.

I have never thrown what he has told me back in his face (I have felt like it though), and when I eventually got the truth, I told him that if I ever did (big fear for him) then I was in effect lying to him and that I was not truly committed to recovering our relationship.

I did show him I cared, and definitely protected him. I have been honest about my feelings and giving him my time……..yes I am wearing him out! and he said that the song " take my breath away" now reminds him of me…….warm and fuzzy feelings!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well NOW!,

Wearing that boy out are ya? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Good for you. Ozzie, the more I read of your posts the more clear it is you have got this thing under control IF only you would believe in yourself. You are one strong woman to tell him to keep it quiet and not blow it by having stuff come up in her phone bill. Man, that is impressive.

Has it occured to you or your H that OW does have an H, and that he could be providing what she needs IF she were spending more time being a W to him, than chasing other women's H's? I suspect it might be crossing your H's mind that she would eventually treat him as she has treated her H. Meanwhile what does he have??? He has a tiger by the tail and she is NOT letting loose of him or the marriage.

Ozzie, it is time to smile. It is time to love again. It is time for you to take your H by the hand and lead him. You can use what you have and will learn her to do this. The approach is powerful because it is simple and it is based on data and facts. People on the whole are NOT very different and respond just about the same way to the same stimulii. If you learn nothing learn that from this site.

It is what I learned when I came here actually almost 6 years ago. You asked why I came. It was an accident actually but I was very down about my marriage. Felt my W only wanted me for my pay check and did not really love me. What I learned was that I was looking at things the wrong way. That I needed to change my perspective and that I needed to be more proactive in seeking what I wanted from my W. It changed me. I am glad it did.

You can look at this A of your H's as the worst thing to happen in your life, but you can also realize it has provided an OPPORTUNITY for your marriage to grow and become stronger. I think you are starting to see the OPPORTUNITY to make you two closer, adjust your marriage in a way that makes both of you happier, and finally to appreciate what you have in your marriage. Let's face it would you want OW's H? Your H has found out that all that glitters is not gold as well.

Gold is a rather dull looking metal, until it is polished. I am guessing that he is seeing that you are the gold in his life, and that you polish up real well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep up the work, you will survive this and I think your marriage will be improved, not by the A, but by the work you two put into it to recover from the A. Don't forget to talk to the man and let him know your fears, your needs, and then smile at him. You have the power girl to turn him around. Use it wisely.

God Bless,

JL

OZZIE,
I have posted my story on the Recovery forum. It's called "Recovery...again...again...since DDay." I would really like to get your advice on it as it seems that you and I are in similar (but not the same) situation. I think that I also began Plan A on DDay without knowing it. I have tried to show my H that I love him and respect him and want him to be happy. I have been wearing him out too (now that I know he doesn't have a physical problem after all).
He seems happier than he has seemed in many many years. If this recovery does finally work, I truly believe that our marriage will be better than it was before.
Please take a look at my story and help me.

Just Learning,
You are quite a guy. Instead of crying on the way home from work, I now remember some of your words and they bring me hope and encouragement. Thank you.

Aug 12th

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hi Aug 12,
I have posted a reply into your thread 'In Recover'.
JL where are you? I think this lady needs a lot of the 'feel good' and guidance that you gave me, for which I will be eternally grateful.

Bless You Too JL

How are you doing Ozzie?

Hope you had a good weekend.

God Bless,

JL

Hi JL,

I have explained in my post to Aug12 (in recovery) where I have been so sorry I have taken so long to reply.

I have decided to move to this section, not to start a new thread though, but to sit quietly and listen to the advice you give Aug12...save you giving similar advice twice!!

JL I can honestly say that it was you who lifted my spirits enough to move on. I know that we are still a long way off being healed, an example of this was how I cried just because my H still thought that my seeking help was rubbish. What was crucial was that I talked to him about it and, and how he responded.

Thankyou again JL and I hope you continue with your wisdom, added to your capacity to make people smile again, and bring them hope.


Ozzie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ozzie,

It fine to cry, but don't withdraw when you do. Force him to address this by just standing there. You know us guys hate to see a woman cry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Further, when you feel like withdrawing, consider leading at JUST THIS POINT. Take his hand, walk him quietly to a place sit. Sit him down, sit on his lap and whisper in his ear, "you are hurting me, please stop and help me, I love you."

Trust me on this, the man will be absolutely defenseless. Everytime you feel like withdrawing, move closer, and lead him to where he needs to be. Do it by taking his hand, make sure you are touching him and the he will listen to you.

I don't care how rough and tough he thinks he is, he will be putty in your hands.

You have got this thing working now Ozzie, enjoy it, make the changes and change your marriage so that you enjoy it, he enjoys it, I guarentee you the OW or any woman will NOT be a problem.

Must go.

God Bless,

JL