It has been a while since I posted, I have been reading a lot and getting some great advice.. Some back round... My D-Day was 9/23/04.. The OW has been so to speak stalking us. She still calls our house and hangs up calls my H cell and hangs up or if he doesn't answer she will leave him a message, but not say anything in the message, Just leave a song, if it is one of his favorite songs or some thing else. We were out on saturday night and she called his phone he went to answer it and no one there just music in the backround... ( she blocks her number so he doesn't know if it is her or not). We have our house up for sale, and I know she has been in the house, because realtors leave there card, well 2 realtors didn't... Very strange.... Here is the kicker... she has moved to our town.. why I can only guess why... her kids live 30 mins away from where we live and she work 1 hour away from where we live... so the only reason is to be close to him. AHHHHH... I just lost it the other day with my H .... I told him that if he didn't find a way to make her stop... I will and I mean not in a nice way... She has messed with the wrong W. I mean when the A was going on she would call him and sit out side of my 2nd job and talk S*** about me. So I am always looking for her it is like I am fixed on getting in her face. But she is afraid of me.... Good. How do I handle her living 10 mins from my house... I know what apartment and I want to go there , but I think I am to angry.... I may get introuble myself... But I don't want to wait until I am calm.... What I really want to do is Beat her A**!!! ( sorry if that statement bothers any one) I don't know if I would ever do that I don't want to go to jail, and lower myself... Help... how do I stop thinking about it....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JustHurt:
<strong> It has been a while since I posted, I have been reading a lot and getting some great advice.. Some back round... My D-Day was 9/23/04.. The OW has been so to speak stalking us. She still calls our house and hangs up calls my H cell and hangs up or if he doesn't answer she will leave him a message, but not say anything in the message, Just leave a song, if it is one of his favorite songs or some thing else. We were out on saturday night and she called his phone he went to answer it and no one there just music in the backround... ( she blocks her number so he doesn't know if it is her or not). We have our house up for sale, and I know she has been in the house, because realtors leave there card, well 2 realtors didn't... Very strange.... Here is the kicker... she has moved to our town.. why I can only guess why... her kids live 30 mins away from where we live and she work 1 hour away from where we live... so the only reason is to be close to him. AHHHHH... I just lost it the other day with my H .... I told him that if he didn't find a way to make her stop... I will and I mean not in a nice way... She has messed with the wrong W. I mean when the A was going on she would call him and sit out side of my 2nd job and talk S*** about me. So I am always looking for her it is like I am fixed on getting in her face. But she is afraid of me.... Good. How do I handle her living 10 mins from my house... I know what apartment and I want to go there , but I think I am to angry.... I may get introuble myself... But I don't want to wait until I am calm.... What I really want to do is Beat her A**!!! ( sorry if that statement bothers any one) I don't know if I would ever do that I don't want to go to jail, and lower myself... Help... how do I stop thinking about it.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Restraining Order?

Great idea!

What if I don't have solid proof that it is her... I know it is but won't they want solid proof? I don't know,

Restraining order is a good start.

I am NO expert because I am just a week into my nightmare. What I do recommend is getting in anti-depressants. They help me A LOT! At least you stop crying ALL DAY LONG!

I too had/have thought of 100 ways to off the Bit#% but I have a 10 month old who needs his Mommy. I don't know if you have any kids but they come first no matter what. My rage against her scares me. I can see myself wanting to do stupid things and that does make me no better then her.
We are good people trying to keep th elove we worked hard to have. Get counseling and calm down.

I am going to take my own advise too.

I have felt just like you I was so enraged at 1st, and yes I do have my moments when she calls and hangs up... I blew up at my H and said I was going to F*** her up . If she didn't start. We are woking through this , he has not talked to her .. she hangs up when he answers too.. I have chaecked his cell bill I write down every time he has a hang up call to check the minutes of the call... I know that is bad. I didn't start to get really mad about everything until she keep calling and would not let it go... I was upset and would usualy not say anything at all. I know because she has turned to psycho mode. He is really sorry he ever did anything. I have 4 girls... 3 are from my 1st H, and 1 from my H now... I have done what ever it take to sheild them and protect them. But when she left a message on my home phone with all kinds of details, I was furious, what if my kids would have been there. The worst part is I knew he she use to come in to the place I had my second job, My H had worked on her car before. I am just upset that she is not married or has a boyfriend, I would have called them in a second. Wouldn't matter if he would be pissed off. to bad so sad ..Hang in there it is so soon for you to feel anything but hurt and anger.. I did tell my H that I would be asking a lot of guestions and even though it may hurt my feeling and make me made he had to answer honestly and not get mad, and believe it or not he has, without hesitation. I also stated on my d-day that there would have to be NC , he was able to call her and end everything and as far as I know he did. WoW to this day it still makes me cry and want to jump out of my skin. I guess I am hurt that he did this ... I just never believed in my heart that he would. He also know that I check his cell everynight and his cell bill, I wasn't going to hide that , and I wasn't going to lie and say I wasn't and be sly....How long was the A going on , mine was about 8 mos...

Protective Order/Stalking & Harassment Frequently Asked Questions.. start now taking dates, phone records, anything that she comes in contact with you or your family...You can do this.. Ever seen Fatal Attraction>???? It does happen.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

What are the differences between a Temporary Protective Order Against Stalking and Harassment, a Temporary Protective Order Against Domestic Violence, and a Restraining Order?

Question Is the Application for a Temporary Protective Order Against Stalking and Harassment automatically approved?
Question When can I get a copy of the Temporary Protective Order?

Question When does the Temporary Protective Order Against Stalking and Harassment go into effect?
Question How is a TPO served on the Defendant?

Question How long is the Temporary Protective Order in effect?
Question What are the Fees for filing documents related to a TPO?

Question Can a TPO be Appealed?
Question What are the penalties for violating a TPO?

http://www.co.clark.nv.us/justicecourt_lv/faqposlk.htm

Thank You for all of the information... I will look in to this , I think it is the only thing I can do now....

Well she called again last night at 11:30PM and I jumped up to answer.... and she hung up, she changed her cell # I was going to call her back... I printed out stuff for the restraining order.... I am so glad we are moving next week to a gated community.... and changing all of our numbers.... then maybe she will go away....

Hurt,

She is trying to engage you in some kind of interaction. The most powerful thing you can do is ignore her. (of course changing the numbers is a good idea too).

-AD

AD I am trying to ignore everything she is trying... We are moving and we needed furniture for our new house we went to the furniture store and we were paying and the guy who was helping us asked if I had a son, I said no I have 4 daughters... When we left my H says oh my god , she was in there buying furniture too. she has a son and has been going to the same places as me to have her hair, nails etc.. that freaked me out. then saturday morning my H is in the shower and I am making the bed, his phone beeps ( didn't ring) beeps that there is a message... so I listen to the message, she maked it urgent... and says. Hi its me, I am on my way to work and just wanted to call to see how you are doing I tryed to call but you phone hung up and went to vm, I will try to call later, long pause.. Ok - Miss you... Oh my I flew in to the bathroom like I wasd on fire... and just rip his head off, and he said don't be mad at me I have not talked to her, she is just trying to get you mad at me... which is true. It has been 4 mos , let it go... what is the problem... I am just so angry and confused about this, My fist thing was to call her work, but I am going to wait until we move. she will not know where er live... thank god and we are chaning our numbers then too. I have friends that want to handle this for me... No way I am going to handle her....

Just Hurt,

DO NOT allow her to get you angry enough that you pull away from H. That is exactly what she wants. THe OW who had an affair with my H, tried to get him to continue having an affair with him even after he tried to end it. SHe stalked him for almost two years, made threats and did whatever she could to hold on to him. I found out because she called me herself when she found out we were purchasing another home together. They had been over with for more than six to seven months (before I even knew about it). Affair went on for almost 2 years (6 mos good, and the rest cat and mouse chasing and alot of threatening and fighting) Because my husband told her that he still loved me and wanted to work on his marriage and that their A was a mistake, she became enraged, would not accept it, and started to look at me as the obstacle keeping them apart. She felt that he had chose me over her. (Crazy as it sounds!) She then decided if he would not leave me, she would fix it so that I would leave him, and she assumed that he would go running into her arms when I was out of the picture. She even tried to pretend to him that she had never made the call and that it was someone else. She even called him two days later at his desk(they worked together) to find out the details of my departure (wishful thinking). My H went to VP of company and filed complaint against her to leave him alone. It worked, but ultimately we both decided that he leave. When someone is unstable and desparately wants something they cannot have, sometimes they become disillusioned and will stop at nothing to attain it no matter what the consequences are or who they hurt; sometimes intentional and sometimes not. They are dealing with their own issues. The point here in all of this babbling, is to not let your guard down and always remember to think before you speak or take action ( you may not be dealing with someone very stable mentally). File that restraining order and do your best not to allow her to draw you into her game. That is her way of keeping contact with him through you. If he is going to speak to her or see her, there is nothing that you can do about that, but don't allow yourself to get too angry over her games and put it on your H, and give him reason to see her or speak with her. Give her the impression that you are the winner in all of this no matter what she and your H have done, or how she trys to humiliate you. You are the winner, because you will not allow her to bring you down to her her level. You remain above it! Eventually she will see she is not getting anywhere, and she will grow tired of playing anymore, and walk away! Until then, as far as you are concerned, she does not exist in your relationship; there is no room for her! Hope this helps!

Ok, you can file for a protective order, restraining order, etc without solid proof. You can go to your local jurisdiction (city, county, state police) and they will assist you in what to do.

Secondly, even if she blocks her number from you, she CANNOT block it from the phone companies. If you call the phone company, there is a number you can dial after getting a call that "flags" the call. After so many of them from the same number, you can get a copy of the report, the police can get a copy of the report, and I know Verizon automatically files a report with the police. Talk to your phone company.

Thirdly, there is absolutely no reason that you should not change (and unlist) your home phone number and cell phone numbers, including your husband's. As a matter of fact, I strongly suggest that this be a part of anyone's Plan B criteria for the WS to come back. That way, if the OP calls, you know it wasn't because the number is the same one that they've always known.

If you are unwilling to change numbers, that becomes a priority problem that is jeapordizing your marriage and your sanity. If he is unwilling to change numbers, that's a vital clue.

Finally, after an affair, it is NOT the BS's responsibility to prove further contact, it is the WS's responsiblity to prove that contact has ended. This is a critical differentiation.

MIranda3 & *Tokola*, Thank you for all of the advice, we have changed our home phone it will be in svc on friday when we move... We are foing to change his cell after we move... I figure for now if she is calling his cell and hanging up, then she still thinks we are in the same place, same with our old home # it will stay in effect until 1-31, we are moving on the 28, we are also moving to a gated home , where you have to have a code to get in.... and the house is equiped with an alarm that I will have set up. I am not afraid for me at all I am more afraid for my kids and them having to be involved in this, so far I have amanged to keep them unaware even my 16 who is very smart that way and knows when something is wrong... After reading all of the posts, I have contacted a friend who is a police officer in our town to help me with the restraining order..., thanks, I just hope I can keep my sanity , because I know full well what he game is , but you can oly take so much. When she called the day after x-mas and I answered his phone and she had the nerve to ask for him, I said no and she started to say some things and then she hung up the next morning she called my H to ask if I was mad and he was ready to come back to her..... Then he let into her to go away that it was never going to happen that it was a mistake... etc. and she still calls.....AHHHH

We went through the same situation with the OW. She would call up to 10 times a day and block her number. We called the police and filed an informational report for harassing phone calls, so we would have a case number. Then we called the phone company and told them what was going on. We had to have a case number in which to do this. They would monitor our phone line and send us a report at the end of the month, listing all the anonymous phone calls. Unfortunately, the calls ceased right after the police were called, so I believe the OW had a police scanner and heard our address being mentioned in the dispatch.

The OW went much further than this though. She was sending threatening emails to my husband (we never responded to any of them), and we saved/printed them for a month and then hired an attorney and got a restraining order against her.

If you need any more advise, let me know. I've "been there, done that", per se.

Arabesgue, thanks for all of the information... that has really helped, I think she is freaking out that we are moving and she won't know where to find him. But my husband last night finally agreeded to shange his cell phone number... which is awesome, he fought me on that that his friends had the number , and I think he saw how mad a frustrated I was that he decided to change it. Yea... But I have a friend who is a police office and he said he would help me with the harassment restraining order.

Just an update, we moved this past weekend. and we had our home phone disconnected.. When we left our old house we left the blinds open so when she drove by she would see we do not live there. That saturday we got 2 calls from her on his cell no one ther the OW always hangs up ... On monday she called my H cell phone 5 times before noon, I answered everytime, then I left the house to run some errands and she called another 4 time he didn't answer... We went and had both of our cell phone numbers changed... ( our personal one) I have one for work that she has the number for... so that night after we cut off the home phone & cell phone, she called mine at 11:30 .... I just laughed, she is probaly loosing her mind, her head is spinning around like linda blair in the exercist movie... she also on wednesday she called my H work and asked for him they called him up front and no one was there... I think her next move will be to show up at his work, then I am going to file the restraining order. I don't think there is much else I can do....

I saw that you had posted an update.

Do you think that the OW is stalking you or your husband? Has she found out where you've moved to? If you know what kind of car she drives, keep an eye out for it when you're coming and going out of your apartment complex. Carry a disposable camera with you and try to get some pictures of her.

Do you have the money to hire a private investigator to follow her? Have you ran this idea by your friend in the police department?

If she shows up at his place of work, have him ensure that he has witnesses. Have them write statements immediately while the incident is still fresh in their minds. That will definitely help in getting the restraining order.

What part of "It's over!!" doesn't she understand? I know...stupid question, but it makes one wonder.

Don't let her intimidate you or push you to do something that you'll later regret. That's what she's hoping for. Don't be tempted to do anything to get back at her...let the legal system do the work for you. Hopefully, they'll be on your side. In my case, they believed the OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (She claimed to be the victim!!!)

I'm praying that your OW is just love-sick and angry. Mine IS mentally ill (bi-polar, not on medication and extremely cold and calculating). In fact, she made references to the Amy Fisher story in an email (hint hint). Of course, that little tidbit got added to the pile that was given to our attorney.

Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction can't hold a candle to the OW that got "introduced" into my life. If you'd like, I'll give you my email and we can talk about this privately. Let me know, ok? I won't put it up yet, because the OW has found this site and feels the need to watch what I'm doing/typing...even after all this time. Hatred never dies, it seems.

Arabesque, Wow , she sounds more psycho than mine. I am still getting no number calls on my work cell and she knows where my 2nd job is that is where I met her and where I was stupid enough to say my H works on cars and was trying to be nice and offer his services ( car wise ) but she took it to the extreme.... I will give you my e-mail address, so that you won't have any problems, my OW is to stupid to find this site.. I don't think she knows how to use a computer. My e-mail is minierb@hotmail.com. Yes please e-mail me , I would love to talk more in detail about some of the things she has done and see if your OW is just as scary. ... She knows none of our friends, we nove into a gated community. You have to have a code or a remote to get in the gate. that was part of my reasoning to sell our house and move there. I do watch mu back when I leave my second job at night , and when I go through the gate I wait until it closes before I drive to my house. I really do not worry about myself, I worry more about my kids being around if she does something... It sucks that I am punished for what he did!

We had to hire an attorney, filed the retraining order and she immediately counter filed and even with no proof on her part and all of it on ours, the restraining order went both ways. We had threatening letters, she made some up and used them as proof. It was horrible. I called her H and that is what finally helped..........she had her own mess to fix instead of trying to be part of our lives.