I am a newbie at this type of thing, so please be patient…

I have been married for 13.5 years and we have 3 beautiful children. I have not disclosed that I have an STD until recently. Today, I brought home my medical records, to show my history. She has been upset that I've had an affair at some point in our marriage, and that is why I have the STD. Instead my history showed that 14yrs ago (while we were dating) I had my doctor write a note to my fiancé that we needed to use a condom, but I never gave her the note. Instead, I told her that I had been "treated" and that it had gone away. Recently, I have had treatments almost every year for HPV (NOW I understand what it is).

She is upset and very justifiably so. In her words, "I have lied to her every single day of our 14 years together. I never tried to get her to use a condom. I never concerned myself about her getting regular PAP Smears. I have endangered her life and the lives of our three children..."

I do not know what to say except to apologize. I now understand the seriousness of the disease and its ramifications, and am genuinely concerned for her and the children. Most likely, we will get D.

Any comments or suggestions?

HPV Support Program
(http://www.ashastd.org/hpvccrc/hpvsupport.html)
HPV Support Program
The ASHA HPV Support Program is geared to providing detailed information, referrals and support for people with human papillomavirus (HPV), most commonly referred to as genital warts... This will help you find the answers you need the most .. many couples there are dealing with what you are going through...Good Luck... and next time.. for the rest of your lives..be honest with your heart and your loved ones around you, if you arent .. you are the one that will hurt more than you think..HPV..get the facts..support groups.. hpv hotline..hpv chat room. and many other things there..god speed..

If it is any consolation, condoms are ineffective in preventing the spread of HPV. Secondly, there are several strains. Only a few strains are associated with cervical cancer, and some of the strains which produce symptoms in men do not produce symptoms in women. So, depending what strain it is, you may NOT have been endangering your wife.

There are major disagreements in the medical community about the spread of the disease and it's progression. For example, some doctors believe condoms should be used. The CDC says they are ineffective. Some doctors say that it is incurable, and it causes all sorts of hard to trace symptoms. Others say that it is chronic in only a small fraction of those infected, and for most people, it clears up like any other virus after an acute phase.

Thank you for your information, I look forward to connecting with the ASHA's online chat forum. And thank you for your advice about openess.

This bit of Ruthless Honesty is hurting me more than I ever thought. Now that I understand that my secret could have killed my wife and endangered my children, I LOATHE myself. I don't see how she would want to stay married or could ever trust me again...

I know that I will lose my family over this, but I wonder what to tell my children (or when to tell my son and daughter) about our break up...

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />