Well I did it,I filed for a D.Now it is just the waiting game.H should recieve the papers by monday of next week.

I know this is breaking his heart,funny how he could not help me when mine was broken.He is having a hard time letting go.He seems to be in a depression.I have very little contact at all with him now.He will IM me once in a while or call somedays I dont answer others I will answer his questions.After all we shared our whole life together,grew up together and had 4 kids together there is no reason for us to be enemies.

I dont know if it is just the right time or I'm in a state of shock,but I feel nothing,very little emotion.I feel at peace.

Its good to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ginger

You have suffered for a long time due to his lack of caring, you deserve to be happy. Go out there and have the kinda fun you have not experienced in your life, enjoy. He has treated you so badly, not even giving a thought to how you felt in the days and months after the A.

You know that you are doing the right thing but I know it is kinda scary, you would not be normal if you did not feel some kind of sadness. Your M went on for a long time but it is time to move on now and look after yourself.

Good Luck my dearest friend and take care.
Love <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello, I am so jealous you were brave enough to file. I have 5 kids and am worried about them. Please tell me how yours are doing and what finally gave you the courage to file. I have the retainer fee at the lawyer, the papers signed and just need to serve him. Did your H move out? Mine says I will have to file and he will tell the kids I threw their dad out. Just curious how to take the next step.

Ginger:

This week I filed for a D.I feel happy,and alive and at peace.After feeling like this I cant imagine ever wanting to live the way I have for over the past 2yrs.

I am so proud of you! {{{{{{{{{Ginger}}}}}}}}

I know this is breaking his heart,funny how he could not help me when mine was broken.He is having a hard time letting go.He seems to be in a depression.

You mean he has one? By the way he treated you him having a heart comes as a shock to me. It sounds to me like he's more upset about his self-image of being G*d's gift to women being shattered or distorted than what the effect of his behaviour was on you.

Sorry...that last comment sounds like an LB. But I'm not married to him and you've filed now so all bets are off. I feel better for having said it.

Tell me about your experience filing. What was it like for you?

Signing on the dotted line was the easiest part. I am having great anxiety at the thought of my kids watching him move out. This morning he of course said I hope whoever this is for is worth ruining 6 lives. 5 kids and his. There is no one else in the picture but me. Am I not important enough. I am in awe that over the last years 5+, there have been no talks, limited sex - I can think of 3 times over the last 2 years, no financial help - he was laid off about 3 years ago and has changed jobs twice after unemployment for 10 months - he now is at $10 an hr - yipee - I work two jobs - he has the gall to say what am I doing this for? I have nothing. I do have a nice house and great kids and that is the reason I have stayed. Now my oldest is 18, another turns 18 this year and I am seeing this old empty lady with nothing. He keeps saying we can work this out - yet I only see me working, working and working. I wish I had the crystal ball that said my kids would be alright - financially I don't need him, so I am wondering what I am doing feeling sick everyday for? I just want the pixie dust and make him go away. I don't want to ruin his life - I just want a life.

Gingersnap - is your husband expecting the papers? Will he move out willingly?

Kat,thank you for your support you have been by my side for a very long time giving me advise being a listening ear.I will always hold our friendship dear to my heart even if in this life we never meet face to face.

SAB,thanks for the morning laugh.Yea I guess he has a heart.I think for him it is the shock that "I" could leave him,live without him.I believe he never thought it was possible for me therefore he had nothing to fear.You know what I did not think I could live without him,I believed a life with him was the only life for me.I have learned that somethings in life as hard as you try to make them work they are not meant to be.To be honest through out my life I often asked if him and I were really suppose to be together.God honored our M,but I do not believe that if I would not have been pregnant that we would have gotten married.

????????, how did I do it?? I just made the decision.I moved out about 6m ago.That was the scary part.If you look at my situation I should not be able to make it.I babysit during the day for my D and she pays me a small income,and I work part time at night.Looking at that how can I live.Sure I get help from H but still if you look at the over all pic it seems impossible.But all things are possible thru God.
He may tell you that he will tell the kids you threw him out but in the end they will know.It is his form of munipulation to keep you were you are,to have total control.My H did the same thing all my life.He cant handle it that he has lost control over my life.

I have 2 grown children and sometimes my D tells me of how life was for her growing up,you know what I did not know it was that bad.She said growing up in a house where the parents did not get along was awful.She said sure I tried to act like life was good(and sometimes it was)but she knew even as a small child.I stayed married for a really long time because of my kids.I loved my H and his A destoyed me as a person.I still feel the effects today,it was the final blow.I tried so hard to make things work,to forgive,to love again but one person can not love enough to make a M work.Two people have to be willing.I got to the point that I did not want to live the way I had all my life.I want to be happy,I want to be in love but with someone that will love me back and respect me for who I am.

Everyone told me there is life beyond your H,I could never see it.Now I do.It is good to be happy,to feel deep deep joy in my soul.
You have 5 kids,it feels impossible but NOTHING is impossible if you learn to believe in you.That is what I am doing.Will I fall?? Sure.Will I look back somedays and say did I make the right decission?? Sure I am sure I will after all he is the only life I know.But how will I know if I dont try.

I guess what I am saying is that I came to a point where I no longer had the fear of failing,I was willing to fail to find happiness,joy,and a life filled with love.God knows my desires,he knows my heart.He has gotten me this far he will not let me down.

Ginger:

Could you please look over my thread and see if you can offer any suggestions. SS is wonderful but I could use more opinions on my situation.

Thanks

My dear friend Ginger -

You know that I am here for you, if you should need a shoulder or a friendly hug. I always told you how strong you are; now you were able to see it for yourself, and you have begun to believe in yourself. I'm proud of you my friend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

May this new road you have begun to travel down, be filled with peace, love, protection, friendships, success and strength. Stay strong my friend, stay focused.
And keep a shoulder handy for me - not sure where my road is leading me now, but I do know you will be there for support. (((((Hugs)))) my friend....
to Stunned dad - good to see you post occasionally - I pray all is well with you in all aspects -

Thanks my friend you know I am always just a phone call away.

Hi Ginger,

I tried calling you the other day, see how you are doing.

call me

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ?????:
<strong> Hello, I am so jealous you were brave enough to file. I have 5 kids and am worried about them. Please tell me how yours are doing and what finally gave you the courage to file. I have the retainer fee at the lawyer, the papers signed and just need to serve him. Did your H move out? Mine says I will have to file and he will tell the kids I threw their dad out. Just curious how to take the next step. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been divorced almost 15 years. My children are all adults now. They are happy and productive. I'm the one who filed, but their dad was the one who "left" to be with the ow. They are still married. I remarried about 18 months after the divorce was final. After the initial shock was over, I found that I was quite happy to be rid of him. I think my kids took their cue from me. I didn't spend much time grieving and relatively little time being angry. For the most part, I was just grateful for the opportunity to start over.

It's terrible that your h is threatening to use the kids as a weapon against you, in an effort to blackmail you into not filing, but as soon as you file the papers, those threats become empty. I haven't hidden from my own children that I was the one that filed. I just told them that I did it on the advice of my attorney, and left it at that.

Maybe you could tell your children that you're filing before their father has an opportunity to do so. I don't know how old your children are, so a discussion like that might not be practical. Since my x had a new life waiting for him, and I was thrilled to finished with him, our divorce, while difficult emotionally, was not devastating to either of us...and hence, the children did not have to go on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I think children do take their cues from their parents.

Ginger,

How about an update? Are you okay? I am starting to worry about you.

Cathy

Yes...please let us know how you are doing.

{{{{{ginger}}}}}]]

Well H got the papers yesterday.Not much of a reaction from him.I believe he thought it was a bluff on my part.

Somedays I'm numb,somedays I say what have I done,but for the most part.........I am happy.

There is life after an A.There is life after a D.

Everyday I grow stronger and more confident in me.

I have even had a few offers from men!! WOW now that really helps rebuild the self esteem.Dont worry I am not ready to get into the dating scence or a relationship but just knowing that someone could find me interesting,funny,kind and attractive sure helps you feel better about yourself.

It is all in Gods hands....if there is to be someone special in my life in the future he will send him.If not I will be happy with the life I have.I have learned to be happy alone.That was something I could not do before.This is a major big step for me.

Thanks for caring

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: gingersnap ]</small>

Hi Ginger!

I've been following your posts. Sorry to see that you filed for D but glad you are finding some peace. Really glad.

You were one of the first people to respond to my very first post here at MB. Even though you were still in a great deal of pain over your own situation, you still continued to help others.

You are a terrific person.

I wish you all the best!!

Take care.

sss

Thanks SSS
I wonder about you all the time but dont go into the recovery forum much any more.
How are you??

Ginger,
You sound well,
I hope you do as well as you sound like you are doing.

Are you still making plans, and doing things?

SS

SS
Where have you been??

I am doing good.I have had a few down days but I think that is just normal.More anger over all of this.I guess you second guess yourself alot at times like these.
I know in my heart tho that I dont want to settle for what I have had for so very long.

My H still acts like this is no big deal.He still says he is not giving up on us yet he does NOTHING at all to try and make me feel like I matter or our family matters nothing.He will call and tell me I will call you right back and never does,that use to bother me now I dont care if he calls or not.

Yes I am doing things.One small thing that I have done for me is...I have started having my nails done agian.Something I have always enjoyed but had not done for a long time.It feels good to do this again.

Every day I get stronger.Every day I learn to enjoy something new.I am thinking of applying for a different job,one closer to my house and possibly going back to school come fall.
They are all baby steps but all in the right direction I believe.

A week ago Friday we took inventory. It took the week before to get ready, and the week after to fix the errors.
This last weekend, I was away for a trade show, so the last two weeks are a blur - Finally home, but this is the only evening this week I will have tiime to post much, so I am trying to say hi to everyone.

It looks like you are looking ahead now, and not looking behind and wishing. I think that is good.

I still feel badly for your marriage, but I can't see a solution unless your H were to start to really "see" things. I don't understand why he can't/won't.

I think a closer job, and school are both wonderful goals. It is good to see you dream again, so good to know your mind is looking up with hope.

Keep it up.

SS