Hi Ginger!

Well, our recovery is going much, much better.

We struggled along until about Sep 04 (15 months past d-day) when H finally gave up on his lies of ommission and told me the rest of the A story. We were kind of stuck from going to the next level since H continued to keep secrets about the A. Once he finally told me everything, we both have been moving forward pretty well.

H has also been sober now for 15 months! He has grown and changed into a wonderful, loving, caring person. It's so amazing to know him now as compared to before.

I'm the only person to really know the *real* H. He was hiding his true self from everyone basically from age 12 (when his mother abandoned him) forward. The *real* H is with me now.

I wish your situation would have turned out differently but I am very happy that you have found some peace. You sound very strong, confident and happy. I'm glad for you.

Take care.

sss

Ginger;

Sorry to hear about D. I have followed alot of your posts, and it sounds like you have going thru a great deal of emotional ups and downs. Hate to see a long term marriage fall apart, but really hate to see people stay together and one person is so very unhappy. My mother stayed with my stepfather for 20 yrs. Never loved him. He adored her, but she eventually had A and left him. I remember feeling numb for my father; although never cared for the man(he was abusive to us children), but still felt pain for him. As I got older, I realized that it was better they divorced for both of them! Big issues on both sides. However, remember how sad my mom looked every day (sort of lost!) No one should feel that way for such a long period of time. She missed out on so much. Hopefully, if this was the right decision for you, then maybe you can start to really live!! Good luck to you! Wish you great happiness!!

I am a believer in marriage.I have stayed thru think and thin.I guess really I have spent most of my life unhappy,it became normal.My unhappiness became my happiness if that makes sense.I would look around and see happy couples doing things together and day dream of a life like that.I guess I spent more time day dreaming than really being happy.

I found happiness in my children and when they grew up in my grandkids but now I am alone more and more and find that I am so very lonely.

I think of what life with my H would be like and I think of the possiblility of meeting someone that wanted the same things in a relationship that I do and the thought of a happy life just seems so much better.

Yes I have good days and bad days but it seems there are more good days than bad now.

(((gingersnap))) Im Proud of you! (I won't tell if you don't) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Best of luck & hugs, c

Hi Ginger, it seems that your "baby steps" are working for you and it's good to see you doing things for yourself again (getting your nails done ect.).Your slowly but surely finding Ginger again.I'm sorry the reality hasn't hit your H yet and it's unfortunate that everyone (your family)has to pay for it also.You keep moving ahead for yourself and things will get easier it time.What are you going to school for? I hope seeking a job closer to home works out for you. You take care my dear friend....

I think E said it very well......you are finding Ginger again.

How's this week going?

SS

Wow Ginger! So sorry for the D, but you sound like you are finally moving on! Good for you! You deserve to be happy!

H moved back in and we are doing baby steps (again!!) pray for us, and I do for you!!! Hugs!!!

FKA Momma'sSad

Thanks everyone for your support.

Well H has had the paper work for over a week and will not sign it,he says he does not want a D so he wont sign it.Even said he hoped that I will give him some time to change...LOL I thought 2yrs was pleanty of time.Oh yea I forgot time in LA LA LAND is different than in the real world <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H did make one major step he talked to someone about what he did.I was shocked he has never openly spoke to anyone about his A.His friend suggested he go to councling and try and save what is left before it is to late....mmmmmmmm

Thanks again all,things are going good.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> my grandson wanted me to put these on here he is having a bad day...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Say....TOO LATE!

We can ride this boat together Ginger! My H. is in denial too. But remember he did see a therapist and bailed out on her too! No papers yet! Gotta get my bearings together first <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

E-me soon

Ali~

Hi Ging,

I will call you on my way to work tonight - ok.(or at least I will try to remember)

Kids are happy about my new job - especially the girl. She hates it that I am gone at night. She is sure something bad is going to happen to me. First thing she asked was (is this job safe?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I don't understand why she thinks my current job is not safe.
anyway - gotta go

It was good to talk to you Sue,I am happy for you w/the new job.
She worries about you because she loves you so much.She does not want her mommy going anywhere.

Sue you may never find a love as deep as hers is for you in all your life.Enjoy it.

Take care,well talk again soon.

Hey Ginger !

Sounds like you are happier, and (ss looks both ways, continues in a whisper) a s e c r e t admirer, WOW !!

I figure I know you pretty well by now, and I trust you. I believe when the time comes, there will be someone for you.

I don't think you, or SAB, or Sue - any of you knows your real worth. I do think you are getting glimpses of it, and it looks good to you. I could probably say the same thing about Ali, but I don't know her as well, and I only say it if I know it.

You gals are real gems, you ought to know it.

I tend to think you will do well, I think I know you good enough to say that.

SS

Thanks SS
It is always so good to hear from you,a light in my day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am happy most of the time,my H can still make me so angry that I cant even stand myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> hard to believe one person could bring out the very worst in you.

I guess I will know when I am ready to go on with my life,but it is not now.Somedays I think I am ready and others I hate that I am in this position.

Ginger,
All of us hate that you are in this position.

We wanted your H to "get it" a long time ago. We wanted you to be blissfully happy forever with him.

HOWEVER,
we are glad you are not stuck.

I know God can and does do miracles in these times. He could produce one for you, but he won't take away your H's free will. I don't pretend to know what might happen, but there are always possibilities.

I believe you will be best served by what you are doing. At least you don't seem afraid any more.

Realize we know there are still lonely nights, and thoughtful, pensive moods that overtake you. It's a proper resolution to these things we pray for.

I have faith in you. I think you so too, and that is good.

SS

All I can say to is anger is a feeling. And feelings are not permanent. They can and do change. Remember that anger has its place. But it's negative energy which will drag you down if you let it. Yes, you have a right to be angry. Feel it. Embrace it. Then let it go and move on with your life feeling positive energy.

Time is your friend here. You will not always feel this way. You have better things to do.

{{{{hug}}}}

I heard something the other day that I did not know.They say depression in anger turned inward.So now this makes sense to me how I can go from feeling really low to angry in a matter of minutes.

Somedays I feel that low and withdraw from everything other days I am so happy and content w/my life I cant believe it,and then there are those days when I become angry that I am at this place.

My old pastor called me the other night.We talked for a while,it was the first time I told him about what happened.He had good advise and also brought to light some truths that I really already knew just chose not to see.

Right now I just hate being alone all the time.My D asked me isnt it nice to be home alone.I said sure sometimes but day after day it starts to get to you.I think right now I am going thru a very lonely time again.

They say depression in anger turned inward.

You're right. It is. And suicide is the anger toward self to the extreme.

I can't really help you with the lonliness except to remind you that we are here for you anytime. The only thing I can suggest is that you fill up your social card and keep busy. After a while you'll be too busy having fun to feel alone.

How was your weekend?

I worked all weekend and I am so tired today.My D does not have school so I have the day off from watching the grandkids but work tonight.

I needed this little break the quiet morning has been nice.

Hmmmmmm fill up the social calender??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have not met many friends still so I really dont have anyone to go out and do things with.I keep busy with work and the kids but it is not the same.

I have been asked out,not really ready to date.Not sure what the waiting time is on this....need to check out the rule book <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Even tho my D is not final I feel as tho I have been alone for a very long time.I feel that my M ended a very long time ago........but not sure if any of this counts toward the waiting period......LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do know I dont want anything serious right now but it would be nice to meet someone really nice to have a friendship with just to go and do a few things with,like dinner,movies,site seeing you know.
Well I'm sure that will all come one day.
Until then I will continue on this roller coaster ride called..............what is it called again?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> LOL

not sure if any of this counts toward the waiting period......LOL

For what? What do you have in mind?

Until then I will continue on this roller coaster ride called..............what is it called again?? LOL

You know I keep going by the sign. But, it's been so fast and furious that I haven't caught it either. I guess some things are better not knowing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I guess you might feel like Lewis with no Clark (but wishing you had) going into unchartered territory?

Your grandchildren are VERY lucky to have you. The memories they will have will last a lifetime <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

The waiting period for when you date after the D......and I dont know what I want just a friend to spend some time with I guess.

As for the sign......your right they need to make it bigger or slow down the ride when you pass by......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />