I have tried everything from this website to reading self help books on infidelity. Nothing seems to work with my H. I am trying my damndestto make this work. After all he was the unfaithful one. It was his idea to stay together and try to make it work.<P>My problem is: he refuses to talk about the affair, his feelings, and subject too close to our situtation. <P>In the back of my mind, I really feel that this marriage will not work. I will be quite honest with you, I'm terrified of raising two kids alone. <P>I loved him more than life itself, now I feel like nothing, I'm no one. Why is H treating me like I'm the guilty one? If he doesn't care for the OW, why does he care whether or not if she hurts? What gives? <P>It is over, or am I just frustrated and crazy?

Your H is probably going through withdrawal from OP. He doesn't want to talk about it because he is ashamed of his actions. And a man does not want to be reminded that they have let down the person they love. It is easier for them to go on as if nothing has happened, and live in fantasy that things will be swept under the rug and forgotten about. I don't have any advice just a little input of what the betrayer usually goes through.

Alsolost;<P>You are frustrated, Not crazy. Even though this situation can make you feel that way.<BR>Believe Me! Keep reading and learning. If H truly means what he says he will come around. My H is not reading or learning anything either. We have and are all in the same boat here concerning how they react and behave.<P>And Yes, speaking for myself, I too have felt and still sometimes feel that this marriage is not going to make it. He cheated, not me and doesn't seem fair that all the work in making this a better marriage is up to me. H says he will read to better educate himself on this but doesn't. Counseling.....Not yet.<BR>I feel invisible at times, well most of the time really, but I do love him and wish I didn't so I could say, LEAVE.<P>It is so hard and hurtful I know. We all do here. But keep posting, reading, and vent when the mood strikes you. And it will. There is much support here and I know I would have lost my mind some time ago if I had not found this board and all the wonderful people on it.<P>If you love H and want your marriage, Don't give up. Hang in and work on you. It is natural to feel the way you are feeling now. But like the ole saying goes, Time. It sucks I know. Pray for strenght and guidance. God is always listening and there even when we feel otherwise. <P>Your H is confused right now. If you haven't read up on Plan A and Plan B do so. I think it will help. And when ever you need to just talk or vent, come here. We all understand.<BR>And it helps to know you are not alone in how you feel. Take Care, Dev2

Alsolost,<P>Your situation is a tough one. I will need to think about the questions that you have asked before offering any real advise.<P>Why do you think that your husband is hesitant to talk about affair, events that led to affair and ways to make marriage better? Is he in a state of denial or could he feel so lousy about himself right now due to his actions? Could he be going through withdraw from the affair??<P>Remain positive. He chose you. He had his reasons to do so. Don't make any rash decisions about the future of your marriage at this point in time.<P>Are you implementing Dr. Harley's Plan A. If you are not I suggest that you read about it and start.<P>My husband had his Affair about the same time that I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. The thought of raising my two children terrified me also (second child due any day now) Try not to think of those life choices now. <P>It sounds as though you care a great deal about your husband. Dr. Harley believes that yes, one partner, can save a marriage. Read as much of his stuff as you can and learn. <P>Until later, take care of yourself and your two little ones. No major love busting in the husband department. Supply yourself with as much info. as you can. Things can and probably will get better.<P>Meg