Hey AW,

Just wanted to ask how you are going, if you were feeling better these days. Are you still feeling sick?
I hope things are going well with A2 as well. Did you have a good day off yesterday? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H and I spent the day walking around the harbour foreshore, watching all the boats decorated for A'day and all the people having bbqs. It was a glorious day, just warm enough but not too warm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

How are things going, MB-wise?
H and I are ok. Some days better, some worse. He still can't say he loves me and he hasn't forgiven me. On a day to day basis, we talk and get on quite well. We do a lot of fun things together. I'm still doing a lot of reading R and communication books and I'm still spending way too much time reading on here when I should be working <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . H and I still have a fair number of issues to resolve, but I'm somehow less anxious about it all right now.

Anyway, all best wishes to you!

Hi smur

how are you coping being back home?

We spent yesterday at the beach with lots of the family and and I really do look like a whale,,,, a big white one!

And there I had gone and spent a fortune on some sexy swim suits just for A2 - first time in years I could fit into such slinky things - and down the drain it goes.....lol oh well in a year or two I suppose..... been on the 'A' diet and ain't going there again....back to fat mommas wieght loss program .... again.

Now its the biggest T shirt I can find over a maternity single piece outfit by huge & larger hehehhehe . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Spent the night in the hills overlooking Perth watching the skyworks and it was fantastic if a bit subdued after the war, reminders of Bali, the loss of life from WA in the tidal wave.snd the recent bush fires. But no use letting it get to you, lots to celebrate and family around...though found out my brother & his wife are divorcing...dont need to be a genius to work out why sadly, she had an affair hes told her to 'P' off. Wont talk about it, wont let me discuss it with him, he just cut his wife off as if shes died.
they have already sold the family home and split everything.
She tried to talk to him recently, says she doesnt want to Dv, wants to date him, asks him out, he just says not interested.
Tried to get him to look at MB hes just not even thinking about anything but Dv asap, goes out to single clubs etc. Makes me very sad to see it but apparently this had been going on for 5 years so hes not prepared to discuss the issue.
SO another lesson learned...MB is not for everyone no matter what miracle I think its done for me.

MB wise I think we are stalled. A2 doesnt want to go to MC and I can hardly drag him there.
Forgiveness I'm not of as we dont discuss the issue much, he avoids it so I dont push.
I guess there some as he does seem concerned for me because of the diabetes but I suspose he could love me & still not forgive yet...maybe hes working on that.
We have a lot of time together, SF is great, we get on ok just this A stuff sits in the background like a lead weight.

Been working a little bit before maternity leave kicks in, had this week off & loved it.
I still sleep a lot so its great not to have to fight the urge while at work....lol

hey email me if you want on the addy below and I'll send you some pics of A2 the kids etc,,,I found some but still looking for the more recent ones... hoping to try to find most as I threw them during the A ...... really not sure where either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Look after yourself, keep in touch and I hope things do really improve.

AW,

Don't let it sit like a weight. Address it, but do it indirectly. Ask him how he is doing and the just sit there until he tells you. Don't forget to love the guy as well. AW, I have a feeling that things are going better than you might think, just keep on being loving and LET him help you as much as you can and he can and then thank him. He NEEDS to be needed you know. Except for the 1AM feedings and the diaper changes that is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry about your brother. You say the A had been going on for 5 years? I hope I got that wrong.

Good to hear from you. You and Aussie take care.

God Bless,

JL

Hi AW and hi JL!

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and his wife, AW. Its just tragic. Its strange how, once something like this happens to you, it seems that almost everyone you know has been affected by As in some way or another.

Did it depress you to hear about it? A month or two ago a story like that would have probably sent me into a downward spiral for the rest of the day/week, especially if it happened to someone so close to me. Nowadays I guess I'm slightly more hopeful that H and I can avoid that kind of disaster.

Anyway, sending you hugs. I will email, I'd love to see pics of your family. I'll send you some too!

keep well

smur that would be great to see some photos!!

I'm so disheartened about the photos, I know they are only photos but they are memories too and I just went crazy, I'm not even sure if I threw some out or not.
I'm finding them at back of cupbaords and drawers, everywhere... dont ask me what I was thinking, maybe guilt, had to get rid of the evidence of 18 years I suppose...who knows???

But I'm getting some joy from finding what I have and remembering them.... had a few cries too some of the images are very emotional at times to me. Silly cow.

JL hi how are you?

Yes you did have it right...5 years she's been having an affair my brother says.
It was very hard when I learnt this, like a kick in the guts..but I held onto commonsense, its not me not us, but still hurts too, for him for her for their kids..only little ones oldest is 11 years.

Disheartening about M?? perhaps right then but realised how lucky I am.... A2 could have kicked me out too. Maybe even a month or two ago I would have felt I had infected the whole family.... pretty dumb but you feel so...well dirty and ashamed about everything.
But I'm fighting that, IC/MC told me its unhealthy and I have to actively reject such thinking,,so I do, I have I think about everything but A2.

Last time I tried to corner him and just get him to talk about the affair he just went to the barracks. I mean it wasnt as if I'd literally put him in a corner but he just WONT.

I see the danger here so clearly. I guess I've given up for right now. I'd wish hed talk though, the sooner the better. But is that pushing him to my timetable??

So we are moving along, belly getting bigger, SF drive out of control.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> which he thinks is great so thats something.

Well back to cleaning the bedroom, finding photos, making the room look romantic, though with guys romantic is us saying yes..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .....lol


catch you soon smur, jl

Hi AW and JL,

AW, just sent some pics from Japan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Its a real shame about your own photos, I hope you find them!

Yes, I know the feeling of wanting to talk and try to resolve issues that are still there in the background, but at the same time not knowing whether you are pushing him to your timetable ... and maybe its better to wait and see if he decides if and when he wants to talk.

I guess if you are generally feeling content in other things that are important to you, like receiving care, affection, SF... then maybe its not so important right now. I understand that completely, though... sometimes I'm afraid that we will fall into a not-talking-about-problems pattern that I think we had pre-A (mainly because of me!), and there is no way on earth I want to go there again. Maybe I overcompensate sometimes, though..

hope you're going well