Holiday,
I am so afraid. I can't even tell you why because I just don't know. I do know, just not consciously. I have been relying on family support and friends, this is what sometimes gets me through. I FINALLY got a phone call back from the priest I contacted a couple of weeks ago. I have heard his sermons and he used to do family therapy before becoming a priest. From these 2 things I am hoping he can help because this is the ONLY person H has said that he would talk to.

I don't feel strong enough right now which is pretty ironic as most people, including me, have always thought of me as strong and independent. It is truly like everything that I thought I knew has come crashing down all over me.

I haven't cleaned <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This is huge for me because I like to have a "presentable" home. I haven't even done laundry in so long I am wearing clothes I haven't in a while, which is great because I've lost enough weight that I can <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

One of the people helping me is his aunt--just listening and being a good cheerleader for me. H doesn't know I have told her. In fact, he only knows that I've told MIL and 2 priests. I am afraid.

I thought about the worst that would happen and even though it does not seem like a lot, it feels like more than I can bear even though things as are, are not great. Does that make sense?

There is only so much I can push myself without totally caving and not being able to do my job. I can only take so much emotional stress. I get it at work and I get it at home.

I wish this would just end and I had a happy M again. I hate being so negative. I hate making excuses for him. I am off to the gym to do a Salsa Moves class, whatever that is. I have been trying to go there instead of eating as I have in the past. I'm actually making some remarkable progress in terms of physical health/weight loss--and not maladaptive either.

Hey...Salsa anything sounds great...dancing or eating! ha!
If you would like to email me seperately my email address is: sncento@yahoo.com.
Keep up the excercise, it's the main thing keeping me going on this journey.

hi
I know what you mean about VAlentines day. I dont even remebered last years.
I found out one year ago this month my H was having an EA ( affair of the heart I call it) online. with a STRANGER. I know what you mean about him getting mad and denying it all,saying he is NOT doing wrong just because there is no sex involved or they never met.... BULL!!!!!
it hurts just the same!!and yes I felt guilty for spying to but we have to esp. if they keep denying it and we know better...and the things I found out were very hurtful he never talked tome like that in all our 22 years...
I know the pain and it doesn't go away any time soon... they do not connect as often as they use to and I know he still misses her its something he needed no matter waht I do or said..and treating her and her problems better than his own wifes was and is very wrong!!!
you have every right to be angry and hurt it is wrong what he is doing.... we have lost a part of our H"S heart that we may never get back! that is how I feel....
I feel for you and my pain returns I know how it is to just be a zoobie all day no sleep,no eating....
take care of your self it is not worth gettin sick over it is something they will wake up to one day and realize how wrong.... I just pray they won;t have to lose us good wifes first...

(and you good husbands out there too)

val tines 04 was our first weekend back together and she was stillseeing 4 other men i found out ....just another day for me...as is christmas and newyears...

Hi BottledUp,

I know this may sound cliche but God doesn't give you what you can't handle. There's a reason for this, and you probably are strong and independent but very afraid now. That doesn't make you weak or pitiful. Although it's hard to see right now, this will make you stronger, you will find strength and courage you never knew you had. 4 years ago I went through exactly what you're going through almost to a "T". My H was on and off the fence, wasn't my friend but still loved me, his best friend was the OW. She understood him more than anyone.

He's still with me today after a year of pure Hell. She's out of the picture and I'm stronger today for it. I believe everything happens for a reason.

take care

bottledup,

Keep checking on this guy. I am FWH. It appears to me that more may be going on than what meets the eye. This is an addiction like alcohol.

H,
Thank you for the encouragement. I, too, believe that you don't get more than you can handle. I guess I just don't want to know how much more I can handle. I also believe that things happen for a reason. This has helped me get through some of my days.

1946,
I am trying to believe with all my heart that there is nothing else, but it does not look good. By trying to look at it this way--staying in some denial--allows me to get through work. I don't think I can take that on right now.

Good news, the priest I have been trying to contact, called me back to try and set up an appt. He used to be a family therapist before becoming a priest. I hope we can schedule soon. I told H and he said that he would go. This has been the first good news. I keep praying.

This is going to be a long weekend. H says that he doesn't have to work, but I don't know if he will back out of that. I am almost sure something will turn up or he won't talk to me for the weekend. I don't know which is worse.