I found out in November that my husband of 12 years had a 8 month affair with a coworker. after months of going back and forth. He even left me and our son. Finally in December he moved back in with me and says he has left her alone and is committed to making our relationship work. I worried however because she hasn't gotten the hint. She continues to call and text message him everyday. i want to beleive in my heart that he wouldn't hurt me like that again, but then she calls or texts something that gets me to wondering. His family was very disappointed in him and finacially it was hard for him. I wonder sometime if that is why he is back, not including the emotional hell he placed on our 5 year old son. My biggest issue is that in all the time we have been married, i never ever would have believed my husband could do anything even close to this. I believed that he loved me to much, and maybe I took it for granted. I know I did things wrong, but I don't want to be a fool and I don't want to be with a man that doesn't truly love me. He loved her at one point, how do you stop that? i just need to know what to do. Stay with him and pray he doesn't have his cake and can eat it too, or leave him and mess up the chance for us to be a family again. Either way I know that i am going to have to let this go and move on but how? Especially when she works with him and has a continued involvement in our lives with the phone calls and text messaging. Please someone help me be rational about this.

AA,

I'm certain that the more experienced MBers will have a ton of advice for you... Have you read the concepts outlined on the site? Is there any way to have no contact? I understand that he works with this woman - is there a way to have one of them switched to a different department where they won't have contact?

I hope that by bumping this you'll get more responses today.

C

Dear Angela,

I am far from being an 'expert' at this, but I have stood in your shoes. I know how you feel. And yes, you can get help here.

First, some similarities in our stories: I am M longer than you (20 yrs). My H was faithful for 18 yrs, but had an A, starting 2/03, lasting through 5/04. I would never have thought he would ever do this to me - or our 3 kids.
My H never left us, but he did say he fell in love w/the OW.
The OW in my case also communicated w/ my H, after the breakup, which drove me crazy.

Here's my advice:

Read everything on this site. The articles are very valuable.The posts are very helpful. Just knowing you are not alone in this awful journey is exptremely important.

Buy all the books recommended here. You can get them via this site, or thru Amazon.com.

Sit your H down for a serious talk (read the material here first). Tell him you want your M, you love him, you know how hard this is for him. Take responsibility for the mistakes you made in the M, that made it vulnerable to an A. And yes, we ALL made mistakes.

Do Plan A.

Request a NC letter from him. This is key. For some reason, OW/OM 'get it' better when the WS send a letter. More official, perhaps. You have to see the letter before it's sent, and you have to help, or be the one to send it. An e-mail is fine (make sure the address is correct).

MC: My H and I didn't do this. We tried, but our MC was inept ands actually set us back. Most folks here are very much in favor of MC, though. The Harleys do MC and are supposed to be among the best.

You can beat this. You can have a better M/R. Your son deserves an intact family.

I wish you good luck and blessings.

Will be looking for your posts
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me-FBS-50 FWH-44 M-20 yrs 3 kids
A-2/03-5/04 Dday-5/8/04 WD/Fog 5/04-9/04 NC ltr 9/3/04
In recovery with God's help