Just read through another NEWBIE's first post and am so happy to see how supportive people at this site are. I'll be brief with my story:

2 days before Thanksgiving 2004, my phone rang; I saw from the caller ID that it was my H's cell phone. I picked it up and heard him breathing heavily; I then heard a woman's voice. Knowing that my H is very helpful, I figured he was helping someone change their tire. (His phone has been known to make phantom calls before...he must have sat on it while his pants were down...jerk!). Anyway, the more I listened the more I thought I was hearing him in a sexual act but couldn't bring myeself to believe it. I went numb; I started screaming into the phone hoping he'd hear me. I still believe there was some spiritual intervention in me hearing that encounter over his cell phone; I suppose if someone else hears this story, it might actually be amusing.

I called him later and said "who's voice was that I heard?" He said he was giving a little old lady a ride...but I knew from his tone that he'd been caught. I told him I thought we had some talking to do. He came home and said we should "talk". He then cried and said he was sorry and said this (using prostitutes) was the reason he had stopped drinking 9 years ago.

Of course this all happened on the eve of his sister and her family coming for Thanksgiving. I had to hold it together that whole weekend. He gave me "permission" to discuss it with his sister (who is one of my best friends) but I declined. Since then, I haven't been able to feel the anger I know is brewing inside me. He has started on Zoloft to curb his sexual appetite and seeing a therapist. I have seen a therapist, too, and we are scheduled to go see one together.

My problem is that I'm afraid he's going to guilt me into feeling like this whole episode is my fault (he's in sales and has a way of making things go his way). He is a very sweet and caring person (usually) whom everyone adores. But, he also comes from a father who never told him he was loved and .... but enough of me making excuses for him.

I come from a family that has trouble showing much emotion and was never very demonstrative with loving gestures.

Should I ask him how many encounters he had with prostitutes or should I leave well enough alone and just try to get over the one encounter I KNOW about? How can I ever been intimate with him again? oh, please help me...married for 15 1/2 yrs; together for 17. We have 2 beautiful daughters; lately I've been having some troubles in the parenting area, also, but that's a different post.

Have you read Dr. Harley's book Surviving An Affair? It gives lots of suggestions on how you can get through this terrible time in your life. There will have to be guidelines to prevent this from ever happening again. It is actually possible to get through this and have a better marriage than you did before if you are both willing to make changes in your lives to make it better.

I am so sorry that you had to find yourself here. I hope you can find the peace you hope for.
That being said, I think you need to ask yourself, Do you WANT to know about all the prostitutes? Will it make any difference or just hurt you further? Are you AND your husband willing to try and make this marriage work? If so, I agree with rb123, read, read, read! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Also, keep posting and ask LOTS of questions, even if you think they are bizarre. You will often find that all BS(betrayed spouses) feel the same way. There is comfort just in knowing you are not crazy and alone!
If you have an urgent question I would post it on the General Questions II board, as many more experienced people hang out there!
Again, I hope you find some comfort, and I hope that all goes well for you and your H!

PS I also beleive that supernatural forces were at work with the cell phone in my sitch. It is so strange. But, like you said, that's another post! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

True

In addition to "Survivng an Affair", I would read "Torn Asunder" together. And pray.

Not to scare you more than you are, he needs to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. He may have a sexual addiction and those are hard to break. In view of his past drinking, you are going to need outside help with him. I understand that there are programs, like rehab, for sex addicts. So sorry for your pain. Addiction is addiction.