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WH moving out in 3 days!
#456466 02/07/05 10:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11
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shameonme Offline OP
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shameonme
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Well, I'm back. My H us is moving into an apt in 3 days and I'm beside myself. The EA is still happening and he claims he needs to get away from me to sort through his feelings (mostly anger). It is a short term lease with rented furniture and sounds as though he thinks he will come back. I personally see this as an opportunity for him to raise the EA to a PA. My question is this. He did disclose where he is moving and even gave the address. He is going to have his little escape and will be able to have his secret life over there. How do I get the same respect and keep him from randomly showing up and coming here when I'm not home? He has keys and alarm codes and I don't want him to get homesick and have the ability to just stop home and visit the dog or anything. Help?

--------------------
lost
Re: WH moving out in 3 days!
#456467 02/07/05 11:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
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jerry1128 Offline
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jerry1128
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SOM

Sorry your at this site. An EA hurts just as much as a PA.

Have you read the basic priciples of the MB site?

Have you read about Plan A/B?

I'm just a newbie here but try to see where you at concerning whats going on.

Are you LBing him?
Are you working a Plan A/B?
Do you know what his most important emotional needs (EN's)are?

If it hasn't gone physical I would try-for myself to Stay with a Plan A. Its hard and painful but it may keep PA from happening and give you a chance to read up from MB site while putting practical information into action.

It sounds like you may not keep him from moving out but a Plan A can be implemented very quickly.

Wish I had more for you. Please read as much as you can and see what direction you want to take.

Jerry
Re: WH moving out in 3 days!
#456468 02/08/05 03:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Bellevue Offline
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Bellevue
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So sorry. Hurts, don't it?

You can change the code on the alarm any time you wish, and you can call a locksmith to re-key the locks. If your alarm system is monitored, advise them in writing that husband no longer resides there. Change the password (what the alarm company asks you for when there is a false alarm). Are you friendly with the neighbors? Let them know that he has moved out, so he won't try to enlist their help by claiming you are nuts. Not that they should confront, but if he approaches them with some story about not having the new key, or whatever, they will be forewarned.

I agree; moving out is probably step one toward getting physical.

His actions are fence-sitting. Consequences of moving out are that he lives elsewhere, doesn't have the luxury of family home + lovenest.
Re: WH moving out in 3 days!
#456469 02/08/05 03:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11
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shameonme Offline OP
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shameonme
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I've read the site and understand the principles. I've also read SAA and this is so hard. I want to implement a Plan but having a child makes it impossible to avoid contact. He has not stopped contact with OW and I don't believe he intends too. She is separated as well and has been and I don't think the intention is to come back to me although I can't be sure. I don't want to take too firm a stand and push him right there. I'm still not sure I want him back either. I'm not sure I deserve the treatment that I have gotten for all this time. There has been no intimacy between us for over 6 months and it has been mostly angry outbursts. I don't want to be a bit*h but I also don't want him to think he can leave carry on his A and then come back when it falls apart. I'm trying to be strong but breaking down.

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