My H and I have been marriaed for 13 year, with two kids. We are always been treated as a "perfect couple" in our friends eyes. He said he loves me all the time. I might not responsed to him as he respected. So he felt that I did not love him as much as he did. He had this 20 years colleges classmates reunion and met this woman who just devoiced and her apperance is totally different than she used to be. Then they started e-mail each other for less than half a year. I senced this and when he told me he wanted to go out of state for business, I realized that he wanted to see her and after a big fight, he admitted. This admission was happened last week. Right at the next day, we both talked and decided to try to rebuild our relationship not only we have two kids, but we both still love each other. however, almose everyother day since then, he had this down mood and told me that how much he wanted to take a look of this woman. I tried very hard not to express my anger, hurt feeling to him, instead, I kept telling him that how much I love him. But it seems no use. Whenever, I try to have him start reverling, he became immediately close his heart to me simply because he does not want to talk about it. He said he had already promised me that he will keep our family, why could I let him go to take a look of her.

Some help me? I am too tired. Tell me what to do? Thx!

Hi,

I'm brand new to this site, so my advice might not be worth much, but I recall reading on one of the articles on this website that when the "offending spouse" cuts off the affair, they are usually depressed and going thru "withdrawal" for about 3 weeks.

You said your husband told you a week ago, so he may still have a couple of weeks of withdrawal to go thru.

The article I saw was at

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

Scroll down to near the bottom of the page, under the heading "How to Get Through Withdrawal".

Good luck with everything, I'm pulling for you...

Thank you for the massage. I read that article before. But I don't think my H stopped the communication with her (e-mailing. Now whenever I said in order to rebuild our relationship, he must stop all contacts with that woman, he will said i pushed him and he did not like that pressure.

Fog talk. He is fence sitting, cake eating, and you are reacting normally. Your instinct is correct. Contact must be broken off. You can't let him prolong the agony of this little fantasy.

He is trying to make you feel guilty and selfish. There is nothing wrong with being selfish toward your spouse. Your wedding vows say "forsake all others."

He just wants to get a look at her.
He just wants to feel her skin.
He just wants to hear her voice.
He just wants to tell her about his life.

And you are supposed to hold down the fort at home. Smile sweetly, care for the kids, and pretend everything is normal.

So, he needs to have some time alone with her. Just the two of them. A dinner. Gazing over the tablecloth, making each other laugh, sharing a bite of the food on each other's plates. Feeding each other. Laughing over private memories.

While you stay home, dishing out home cooked dinner for the kids. Wiping their mouths. Putting them to bed. Um hum.

He just wants to take a look. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to talk to her every so often on the phone. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to give her a hug goodbye. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to give her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to peek down her blouse and see if they are real. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants a change to recapture his fantasy. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to put it in an inch, to see if it feels good. (He'll take it out right away.) How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to squeeze her buttocks while he slides it in JUST ONCE to see how it feels. How can you deny him. How can you be so selfish?

He just wants to give her a little of his love. You've had his love all these years. How can you be so selfish?

Don't give in to him.

Bellevue makes some good points. It is amazing that your husband can be so selfish.

Bellevue, can you please read my post on general questions, " New Year's Eve Dissaster". I am really interested in your perspective.