I am a BS with a WW. DDay was 8 days ago. Since then we have each seen a counselor individually. I first found out by a couple of emails that she forgot to delete. Just a couple of "I love yous" back and forth. When I confronted her, she said they were just friends and said we needed time apart. I know, typical WW talk. So after I caught her in a few lies, she agreed to see a counselor. Since then she claims that she is only friends with the OM. But, last night I managed to hack into another email account she has been using that I wasn't aware of. Most of the emails stated that they couldn't wait until everything is over so they can be together. And a few emails coorindating meetings which they have already had. I cannot confirm whether its a PA but I would probably put money on it that it is. Its been going on for about three months now. I almost blew up but remembered what our MC said. Stick to Plan A. I think after Monday she is going to tell me that shes giving up the MC. She doesn't know that I know they are still carrying on. I also have in my power the ability to get the OM fired from his job if anyone finds out about it. The OM is single which makes it tough for me to compete. It looks like wine and roses to her right now but I know it would never work in the long run. What should I do? How long to I sit idly by waiting for her?

BS - 35
WW - 30
OM - 34
BS&WW - 3 young kids

What did your MC say other than Plan A ?
I think you should show your cards. Is there anyone else you can expose this to ? Her family, does OM have a GF ?

Plan A is also about exposure. I would give her the proof. She needs a reality check...and if you let things unravel at her pace, she'll have control over the situation.

The WS will only come to the fork in the road when confronted with undeniable proof.

She has no intention of being with this guy...or else she wouldn't be trying to cover her tracks with you already.

She denies , denies..does that sound like someone getting ready to beat feet out of there ?

She would have confessed to the A...and already made plans to move on.

I'm sorry you're here, you're in a tough place....8 days post dday...are you even getting anything to eat..any sleep ?

Hang in there..we'll offer as much support as we can muster.

There are lot of good people who will be posting to you over the next few days to help you with this. I am pretty new at this, DD being less than 2 months ago, but I will tell you what has helped me.

First off, there is a posting, WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses. Find it, read it, make a couple of hard copies of it. It has helped me greatly make it through the initial shock.

Secondly, don't give away the farm to placate WW. I did for awhile, I had an "out" and used it to justify exposure and the like.

Third, get a copy of Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley. It will help you develope a game plan.

Fourth, consider getting some sort of medication to help stabilize yourself. I started taking an Herbal supplement called SAM-e, on the recommendation of my IC. It helped a great deal with mood swings, judgement, etc.

Fifth, don't take any action against OM yet, i.e. getting him fired. The ability to expose his actions in his workplace may be more beneficial than putting him out on street. Also, it might drive WW towards him.

Six, do plan A as much as you can. When I started a serious and informed plan A, it drove my WW nuts. She couldn't figure out what I was up to but she was sure it was no good.

Hang in there and more help will arrive tohelp you on this site.

I have been reading the posts here for the past week. I found the site the next day. It has helped me greatly when the MC isn't there.

About being with the OM, the only reason I can think of that she has not fully disclosed the OM the that we cannot afford two seperate households roght now. She knows that if she has had an A that I will not support her if I don't have to. Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn't afford to at this time.

We go to the MC tomorrow for our first couple session. Do I stay in the house as much as possible? Should I let the MC pry the truth out of her tomorrow?

S

dont play games with this.

If it is more comfortable to expose what you know and the evidence you have at the MC then do so as soon as possible.

Especially if you think your anger could cause you to say things you dont what to really mean.

If your MC session is tomorrow tell her then with the MC there. Do it at the beginning so there is some chance for the MC to look at the sit and help the both of you.

This is all very hard so if you need to vent here do so and not at your WW. Read all that is here and ask questions and PLAn A. Thats what is recommended to start off with. Then get back to us here and ask questions, vent , discuss options, many will try to help and you have the MC as well which can be so good.

Well, she's off to the grocery store and I managed to peek at the list which had birth control on it. It's definately PA and EA. Before she left she stated again that she loves me but not in love with me anymore. Then the emails I intercepted have her and the OM laughing at me because I'm still hanging around. She's tells OM she's mad at me because she feels like a prisoner in her own home. I let her go wherever she wants. She's just uncomfortable being around me.

Hope you are doing OK. Ask your doctor for some antidepressants, they helped me a lot. Don't expect much of your WW now. It will take over a month of NC for the fog to start lifting. Hang on there.

Stupified,

Are you still checking in here? I hope so!!

How'd the counseling session go??

^^bump

Stupified,

MC is a waste of time and money when the A is ongoing.Can you give an update? How are you doing?

O

<small>[ February 21, 2005, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

This is Stupified, I couldn't recover my password so I created another login. Sorry I've been gone. I went to plan B but not until after I blew up. She said it was over with OM but I still found suttle hints that finally led to her admitting to still carrying on. I went to plan B and I've been traveling in my job for two weeks while checking in with the kids. She must be having some fun now! I think I'm going to ruin his life by telling his job about the affair and that he smokes pot. He works for the school my kids are in. I have my ups and downs but today was a down. I miss my kids.