I found out a week ago... wife and next door neighbor. Lived here 2-1/2 years and it happened 1-1/2 years ago. Neihbor is very manipulative and my wife has a very low self-worth. We have 2 young children as well. The neihbor has been married for 17 years and has 3 young children as well and no sex life. He is very inapropriate with his comments towards not just my wife but towards all women as well as men. Well being he's next door, he would be around us all the time and after us living there 6 months or so the flirting really started. I would argue with my wife that it was wrong but she would defend it and be afraid I would find out, so she would have to lie to me. I also know that it did not go as far as sex or kissing, but basically everything else and it happened 6 times. I know every detail about every one. My wife never cared about him and he about her, but my wife though she could find the affection she wanted in him. We have since realized in the last week our problems with "being afraid" to hurt each other and it has led to us not really communicating and telling each other what we have missed from each other. Anyways, after they were in the spa together one night he made a move on her and she let it happen. She told me that at that moment when she started on him she realized that it wasn't what she was looking for. But the problem is that she still liked the attention so when he would come by every month or so she just let him do whatever he wanted. He would bring his kids over during the day while I was at work so the kids would be distracted and he could groper her, etc. He also pretended to be my friend to get to her. It goes much deeper but I've been trying to deal with it and work it out with my wife because there is no doubt that we still love each other and never have. She defineately wants to and has done everything possible to fix it but it gets complicated with us having to live next door so are having to deal with moving.

Somebody please help me!

me again...

I did leave out that 6 months ago she wrote the neighbor a letter saying that she did not want to even be around him at all. She has know at that point that she wanted it over. She even told me at the time but said she just didn't want to be friends with him. I know she sent it and I know he admits to it. He asked her a week later if that's what she really wanted. Since then nothing has happened except for him coming over, even while I'm in the house, and groping her, or grinding on her. Her self-worth and shame made it hard for her to just tell him STOP COMING OVER... and it was too easy for him to walk next door. She also told him recently that she was going to tell me about him.

About 1 month ago she pulled me aside and had a talk with me telling me that she realized that she was putting other things (him) in front of me and hurting me for nothing. She told me that she wanted to change. I have to honestly say that in the last 6 months since she really wanted to end it things have been better. In the last month since the talk things in our marriage have been better than ever! I found out when I came accross a letter written to another wife we know and the OM knows... he acts the same flirty way as he did with my wife and we both have suspected something between them. We know that the OM was doing this with another womeon as well during the time with my wife. My wife had even gone onto this site 3 months ago or so and printed out a bunch of stuff that I saw about how to improve a marriage,etc. She looked into moving to another state, called a realtor, researched schools, etc to try to find a way out so we could be a family again. Granted this is all after she "realized" she made a mistake but at least she did try to fix it BEFORE i found out. So with all this said, I honestyl feel like she really wants our marriage to work and save our family. We have spent 8 days talking and although we really do talk to each other a lot we've spent more time in the last week than in the last 5 years of our marriage.

I only ask that nobody judges my wife and that if they reply that are honest.

Hello,

I am very sorry for your pain. I hope all communications have been cut off with the neighbor. Your wife must have total no contact with the neighbor. How awful for you that you have to see him all of the time. What in the world was your wife thinking being with your next door neighbor like this? Surely she must have known that you would eventually find out. Cut off all contact and that includes the children of the neighbor. If you want to save your marriage then NO Contact is a must. I would seriously think about trying to move to another area. This would be too difficult for most people to handle. I wish you luck.
I am a little confused. You said it did not go to sex or kissing but 6 times he came over and she let him do whatever he wanted to her? I am confused. Are you saying there was sex or not?
If yes, then you both need to get tested for STD's. I wish you luck.

he would come over, grope her, put his hands down her pants and then just "jerk-off" into her mouth. This happened a total of 5 times. He did 1 time give her oral for 10 seconds then get a BJ. He also used his finger on her 1 time and she faked an orgasm after 1 minute. She bled later on because he was rough and she still couldn't say no. The first time anything happed she admits it was because she was curious but after that she knew he just wanted to be pleased and figured if he comes over I'll just do it and get it over with and he will not bother me for a month.

Ther has been NO contact between them and we are in the process of moving. Don't know where, but know we are. It's not fair to me or my family to have to deal with the hurt and anger, as well as the life change. I live in a somewhat small suburb in which I've been in for 25 years. All my friends, family, job of 10 years, everything has to be left now because of this and because I want to save my family.

cont

Hello,

I am so sorry for you. Your wife allowed him to do this to her in your home? She allowed him to kiss and touch her later when you were in the house also? This is beyond disrespect and humiliation to you and your marriage. By the way, I do hope she got checked for STD's. There was a letter about a year ago about a married woman who contacted genital gonnarhea from giving oral sex to her lover.
I think you must be a very forgiving man. How do you think your wife would have reacted if the roles had been reversed? Her behavior and in your
home is just so sad for you and your marriage. Again how could she not know how destructive this would be for you and your marriage? You must love her very much to wish to remain in this marriage.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Have you confronted this neighbor of yours? Considering what he did (in your own home no less), to say that he disrespected you and your friendship would be the understatement of the year. It seems like he's not answering for what he did. And it's sad that your wife didn't have enough respect for herself or you to put a stop to it. And it's a shame that because of this piece of dirt, you have to move away.

You sound like a very nice forgiving man and I wish you alot of luck with your marriage.

Michael

I have confronted him. I think he wants so badly for me to beat him up so he'll feel we're somewhat even. I told him that he can just spend the rest of his life feeling bad about what he did to my family and his. His kids best friend was my 2-1/2 year old son and now NONE of the kids have been able to play outside or even see each other to say goodbye.... just absolutely ridiculous. I'm trying to be strong and I want my marriage and family to stay together no matter what, as long as my wife does too.

W2FI,

I am sorry about your situation. OM in my WW's A also lived in neighborhood, though not next door. I can't imagine how you get throught each day.

You are definitely making the right decision to move away.

Some words of advice though. After moving, you will need to work immediately on what got you both to this point. My WW's A continued for 3 years after we moved away 500 miles from OM.

It is not all about the OM. It took 2 to have the A. The distance helps end this A, but then you need to understand how you got there and how to avoid it in the future. Otherwise, you will be prone to another.

Be strong!