I have been doing some more reading regarding informing the OW's S. I am not sure what to do here.

As I have posted my H told me several months ago that OW had filed for divorce. Later he told me it had turned into quite a hassle over settlements. Then H told me that OW had remarked to him "maybe she made a mistake and should just go back with her H". My H's response was "well is that what you want"? She said "No". At this point I don't know if she went through with divorce or not? H says he doesn't know.

So my concern is in exposing the EA to OW S if indeed they are still in the midst of the divorce he the S could use it which would entail dragging me into it to promote his case for a bigger settelement. I don't care if he would get more I simply do not want to be a part of it.

So though everything I have read says the other S should know (and I agree they certainly have the right to) would it be ok in this case to not expose?

If not how do I go about finding out whether they are divorced or not?

Hi again AWife,

I am glad that your suspicions were finally validated.However,what your WH has said has been said before.He wants to stop his behavior but what is he DOING to stop it? Talk is cheap and as many of us here know,this doesn't always translate into positive behavior.Sometimes it's said to throw you off track or appease you temporarily.

You might get differing opinions about whether or not to expose to the OW's H but IMO,I say yes,you should.At this point,you have no indication that your WH is TRULY going to end this EA,you have no idea what is really going on in the other marriage and many times it's anyone's guess what really happens.

OP's tend to lie about how BAD it is in their marriage so the MM or MW will feel badly for them and want to "resuce" them.Other times it's just plain hogwash intended to keep the MM or MW with them even if their marriage wasn't bad at all and their spouse is at home with children really hurting.

It is not your problem what happens to the OW and her H or what settlement they reach or don't.The state of their marriage is not an issue to you,only that you are exposing the EA so everyone has knowledge of what was going on.Lies have to be stopped.And your goal or concern here is to save your marriage.The OW's H has a right to know what his WW has been up to as well.If she is mad that you expose,and she will be,that is tough.She is the one who kept up her sahre of the deception,selfishness and pain.If she doesn't want to feel the repercussions and fallout of an A then she SHOULDN'T BE IN ONE.

Assume that the A isn't over,that the marriage of OW is still intact since you do not really know what is going on until you speak with the OW's H and tell him(he could be an ally) and that your WH,if he is truly serious about ending it and seeking professional help for his adultery problems,WILL draw up a NC letter with you,to review,agree upon,sign and send.You have no loyalty to this homewrecking OW so don't for one second take into account her feelings,her marriage or her statements.That is not your concern.Whatever happens to her and with her H is due to HER infidelities,her choices.

This is what I would do if in your position.I wish you luck!

O

P.S. Please check out the MB bookstore here online for some great books to help you and your WH deal with the A and rebuild your marriage.Please get into counseling too.*PRO marriage for you both AND IC for your WH.