I am new to all of this and I am so confused and hurt. I feel like my life has been 100% ripped apart and I do not know why.

My husband and I have only been married for 2 years and 2 months and it alredy feels to me like it is over. For about 6 months now it has our marriage has been unraveling and I had no clue about. I nre that we had some issue but I had no clue that they were this bad.
My husband is active duty marine corp. and is currently in Iraq. He left 3 days 4 days ago for a 7 month deployment. Prior to him leaving we had taken a trip to florida To finalize the adoption of my two oldest children. The adoption took place on friday we all went to the parks on saturday and we came back home on Monday. It was a long 12 hour trip. When we got home everything was still good but I came down with the flu with in hours of getting here. I went to bed early. I woke up in the middle of the night 1:00 am to get sick and I hear my instant messager bling. I walk out in the living room to find him cybrsexing with some girls on line. I was so mad I right away started saying I am sorry and so on. Well Itold him I would not accept this apology this time because we have been through this before. He became violent so I just let it rest. When he went to woirk the next day I decide to snoop I just could not let things rest. I never can. I have always had trust issues and I really thought we were working through all of this. When he came home he moved out and we were planning for divorce. two days later I find out that he is having an affair with another marines wife. I retaliated out of anger and pain. On valentines day he decided he wanted to move back home and try to work this out so I agreed. He left for Iraq less than a week later. The stress of deployment is hard enough on all of us including the kids. His behavior makes everything worse though. I do not know how to handle this. I have concidered just moving home and giving up. I know that I love my husband so much that even that hurts from time to time but this is not the first time we have been down this road. He does not see that he has done anything wrong and will not talk about any of it with me. When he does I find out it is all lies. What do I do. How do I handle it? and Is there anything that I can do to get through the next seven month with such uncertanty? I am so confused anyones opion would help.
Sorry that this was so lond and thank you for listening.

Hello TD,

Welcome to MB although I am sorry you are in pain and dealing with Infidelity.

You are not the only W here that has a Military spouse and having trouble so I hope in some way that makes you feel less alone.It sounds as though you have had a hard time for a while dealing with your WH(wayward husband)and his past actions and betrayal.And now he is deployed for 7 months and you are left hanging with all these emotions and uncertainties.

I am going to call on Mortarman to see if he will respond to you and I am sure other's will be along soon.Do keep in mind though that this board is slower than the General Questions and all the boards are pretty slow during the weekends.So,if you don't get many responses right away,it's most likely that people are out with their kids or families.It's not a reflection upon your post.

If I may suggest,take a look at the MB bookstore here online and get some of the recommended reading."NOT Just Friends" by Shirley Glass is also great.

Do you know if the Affair(A) with this other Military wife is over for good? Was it ever exposed? Your husband also sounds like he has an addiction to online porn which is in itself a whole 'nother problem.It appears your H has a lot going on inside himself that isn't very good or appropriate and IC would be a positive move on his part but if he doesn't want to acknowledge these problems or accept resonsibility,that is a big roadblock to any healthy marriage or recovery.

Your situation isn't an easy one for sure TD.But do keep the focus for now on those beautiful kids and taking care of you and learning ok? You can only change yourself so work on that while your H is away.

More to come,hang in there~

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that I love my husband so much that even that hurts from time to time but this is not the first time we have been down this road. He does not see that he has done anything wrong and will not talk about any of it with me. When he does I find out it is all lies. What do I do. How do I handle it? and Is there anything that I can do to get through the next seven month with such uncertanty? I am so confused anyones opinion would help. Sorry that this was so lond and thank you for listening.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TD welcome to MB.

You have to sit down with your H and calmly, quietly and respectfully convey to him that unless BOTH of you truly commit yourselves to do everything in your power to resolve the issues that have brought your marriage to this place, that it is only a matter of time before the marriage ends in divorce. Avoid the temptation of blaming him and instead offer him the opportunity to work on resolving the issues in a mutually and emotionally safe environment. During his deployment, please take the opportunity to read Dr Willard Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'Love Busters', and 'His Needs, Her Needs' as well as all the articles on this website such as What Are Plan A And Plan B. Above all, you are not alone and you will make it no matter what the outcome of your marriage is.

TMCM