Heck I don't even know why, but I just need to let it out somewhere.

It's currently 2:30am and about 7 hours ago I found out my wife has been having an online affair with some guy around this area. I found out as well that they had even planned to meet at a hotel this friday. An event she covered by explaining it was a conference.

I really never suspected anything until a few weeks ago when her behavoir changed dramatically. See I work as a systems administrator for a local company here. Security is my top priority, as such I log everything at home, not for fear and distrust of my spouse, but rather for security reasons.

I had never had the need to go look at logs until these past couple of weeks, and what I found devestated me. I can't even bear to type it out.

I confronted her about it, and at first she denied it. Then she balled up in tears and asked for forgiveness. Begging me to forgive her and not to leave.

I just.. I couldn't take it. I left the house and walked around the block. Called my parents who offered to come pick me up and let me stay there.

Right now, I'm sitting here typing this out and she is sleeping on the couch.

What I'm asking is.. where do I go from here. I really love this women, I always have. But how do I go about repairing what I think is broken now.

At this point I'm just not sure about anything. I feel like a failure as a husband and a man. I seriously contemplated hurting myself and have decided to use my work insurance to visit the Madison Center here in town tomarrow.

/Lost in Indiana

Hi SeanN,

I'm sorry you find yourself here at Marriage Builders but would like to welcome you. You will find a lot of reading material on this site which you should familiarise yourself with a little, and theres lots of great people who have been in your situation who will offer you their support and advise. If you find the going slow on this particular board, you can try the General Questions II board which has the most traffic.

I feel for you man. It has been just over 3 weeks since my wife told me. I was in total shock for the first few hours and didn't know how to feel or what to do. It was much harder since she had the affair almost a year ago with one of our old neighbours. Also she was 3 months pregnant with our 2nd child at the time.

We have since been going to a therapist and are trying to work out our issues. I am not sure what your relationship is with your wife, but mine was getting better since the birth of our 2nd child. Then she dropped this bomb shell on me and now we are on the verge of splitting up. At the time of her affair we were going through a rough time and I was not very loving and was not communicating very well with her.

What has really helped me in this situation is the Lord. I have been what you would call a lazy christian. The first person I turned to was a pastor from our local church. He provided great guidance and was a great listener. He told me not to tell everyone about the situation as that may make it harder for you both to work on your relationship. He told me to turn to the Lord and tell him everything and he will help you with your forgiveness of her. Hope this helps.

Sean,
I'm sorry for your pain. This is a good place to be. This site has reading material that I found really helpful in the first few weeks.

I know it's hard to find out your W was in this type of relationship with someone. With time and perhaps a very good marriage counselor, you will come to learn why it happened. Internet affairs are very addictive and a fantasy life. It isn't because you were a failure or less than a man. Just know that thousands of marriages survive and are in the end, stronger. It's a painful process.

Keep talking with your wife if you can. And read, read, read. I'll think good thoughts for you and if you need to vent or ask questions, this is an excellent board. You have just experienced what they call "D-Day" here (Discovery Day). It is probably the most awful day in this process as many will tell you.

Hang in there and please be safe. It isn't worth hurting yourself. You are probably in shock. Things will get better.

I'll warn you now... this is going to sound insane...

I just want you to know that I've been reading and posting here at MB since 1999. So I've read a lot of stories. Yours, m'man, is on the upper end of encouraging.

I know you are hurting pretty bad right now, but in many ways you are very fortunate. For starters, you caught it before it crossed that certain line and also (more importantly) your wife seems extremely repentent and willing to commit to recovery. These two facts alone are rare and put you a few steps up one the road to healing.

You will find that not only can you get through this, but your marriage can improve and you will learn skills to 'affair-proof' your marriage and make sure it never happens again!

Welcome to MB.

dewt

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 05:44 AM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

Sean,
I am also sorry you have found yourself here, but let me tell you that you are among friends.
I agree with Dewt, you are very lucky you caught it early(even though it doesn't feel like that). I hope that you continue looking on this site, b/c there is a lot of wonderful info here. I found out 2 months ago, and am still in tremendous pain, but my H and I have applied some of the principles since day 1 and they have really helped! It does get better, even 2 months out!
I hope that you find what you need to heal, and that your W finds what she needs as well.
True

Sean,


Sorry you find yourself here, but on the other hand good you are here. I'm also a BS and I know how you are feeling but I know some things you don't but hopefully you will find out. You can save your marriage, life gets a whole lot better (even better than b4). Don't make any drastic decisions right now. Stay with us and post here. Tell us more about you and your wife. Also you might want to check this thread which I found very usefull. Please don;t hurt yourself see if you can get your doctor to get some Antidepresants for you (still remmeber that they take 4-6 weeks to kick in). Good luck and any thing you need we are here for you.


Bob's guide to the newly broken hearted (or somthing like that)

Sean,

You still with us?

O