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Exposure 101 - the details
#457041 03/03/05 01:24 AM
Joined: Mar 2005
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Moriarty
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I've read all about exposure and agree it is something that needs to get done. However, I can't seem to find a framework that'll let me do it most effectively.

- Should I call/email OM? Contact his siblings/parents/friends (via email)?
- What exactly should be said to these people? 'Just wanted to let you know that X is having a physical and emotional affair with a married woman. I'm her hubby, and I and my children would appreciate your support in repairing our marriage?'
- Her BF supports the A in a 'you deserve to be happy' way. She's in the throes of a D herself
- Her coworkers don't know anything


I don't want to do more hurt than necessary, but agree outside pressure is what's needed to make it stop.
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457042 03/03/05 01:33 AM
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I prefer posting it on a bilbourd down town for all to see. That might be a little much for you. Do you have any evidence? You could just email him telling him if he ever contacts your wife again you will expose it to the rest of his family. I take it your wife knows you know. Who all knows? Her family?
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457043 03/03/05 01:46 AM
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Moriarty
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Yes, I have evidence of an EA and some PA. I believe he knows I know. Aside from that, only the my and WS's best friends know. I've got an email list of the OMs friends, and phone numbers for his family.

She's in the process of moving out to "find herself", and DDAY was about 3 weeks ago.

I don't know that threats are the best thing, and I don't want to drive her into his arms. I can tell by her emotional reactions that she still loves me, but she's too fogged up to think straight. Right now it's the "I deserve to be loved", "I deserve to be happy", "why don't you want me to be happy", etc.
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457044 03/02/05 02:48 PM
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One of the things I did was to ask my wife if it was ok for me to do the things with another woman that she had been doing with the OM. Of course she said no. I waited to long for requesting NC and their EA built up more as time went on. I hope you don't wait to long before exposing it as I did. They just grew closer and more deceptive. I can't tell you what to do and I understand the fear of driving her away. I feel you need to expose it because once they become emotionally atached they won't break it off on ther own.
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457045 03/02/05 03:24 PM
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Moriarty
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So back to the initial question.

What exactly do you do to expose it? Tell friends/family/coworkers that "X has been having an EA/PA, and that it needs to stop in order for our M to survive"?
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457046 03/02/05 09:45 PM
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I called my FWW's brother and wife, told my kids, and most importantly, I called the OM's parents and asked them to help me break the affair that my FWW was in. Exposure puts pressure on the lovers and it tests the strength of the relationship of the affair. Exposure may be the tool to break the affair down quickly. It is the single most important tool I used to disrupt my FWW's affair. Good Luck.

TooSoon
Re: Exposure 101 - the details
#457047 03/02/05 09:55 PM
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