You guys have probably discussed this before but I have never seen it. What did the OW want with my H? He looks o.k. but not great, doesn't have much money (he has to give most of it to me), he's very quiet, not much personality, lives with his parents, will not have money to even give her a home,(at least not for the next 10 years). What is the attraction? For that matter, why did I want him?<P>AD

I have often thought that too. Mr Stud, he isn't....But he was my Mr. Stud. In fact I never saw a woman trip over herself when he passed her.....but he could make my heart pump overtime. Isn't it funny....The things I found so attractive in him are the things that most women turned their noses up at. I guess it is that comfortable love we have/had. That unconditional love that <BR>made us keep on loving them. I often wonder what she saw in him too. Heck, he had bigger breasts than mine. A beer gut that couldn't be sucked in and a bald spot taking over his head. What she saw, I don't know....maybe the same things I did. Things that didn't really matter. He was just plain and simple....a nice guy.<BR>Nancy

AD,<P>When I had the EA, the only thing the OM gave me was attention and caring that was needed to help me cope with my Dad's stroke. He is not better looking than my H, not nicer than my H to me (pre-h's affair, at least), not smarter although he is a doctor, but did make more money - whoopdie-doo, who cares.<P>Why is the OW attracted to my H??? My H is handsome, smart, makes a whole lot more money than she has ever been used to, can treat a woman really good and is a tender and attentive lover. OW is 50, had nobody but a "sex friend" since her H dumped her 3 yrs. ago when he had an affair on HER, is in fincancial debt up to her @ss, and has been described as "homely" by my H and others (true, as I have also seen her picture). She is trying to improve her circumstances with MY H! Also, he is the first guy to show any interest in her and he's cute!<P>By the way, I found out this week that I HATE HER GUTS, too! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi Everyone,<P>The gal that wanted my husband was 19 years old. I think that she just loved the challange of getting something (my husband that is) that was needed/wanted elsewhere so greatly. It was like a big achievement for her to have him want her over me. She had to have been on some ego trip or something. My husband is 45 and cute for being so, but even then...he has a 45 year old life style. He has children,a wife, home payment, etc.<P>The OW prided herself on being "beyond her years" when it came to dating men. When I contacted her I told her, "listen sweetheart, life is short, be as young as you can for as long as you can. What the HE!! do you want with an aging, income fixed, hair losing, gut growing, child supporting man?" She said that she did not know. Maybe she had some sort of sick love/hate thing with her dad (who had to be as old as my H) that leads her to older married men. Who knows?<P>Meg<BR>

Roll Me Away<P>If you hate her, then I hate her! (Not too hard to do right now)<P>So she's a predator. That's what I think about my OW too. She left her H for another man several years ago, and from what I understand has had many affairs since then. I know my H is to blame for this, too, but I do feel she came on to him. I think he tried to fight it for a while. She began working at the same company in October and by January they were involved. I've heard that she has had many workplace affairs. The only problem is, she seems to be stuck on my H.<P>AD

AD,<P>I do hATE her. I didn't think I could - but she is TREATENING MY FAMILY!!!! I'm suffering , my kids are suffering and mygrandkids are suffering. She is partially to blame, so I HATE her. I HATE my H, too, but not as much as her, although I don't know why this moment.<P>I think my H came on to her at first. But, I saw some old e-mails in the recycle bin of cimputer in June and he was still telling her he was inlove with me. I guess she was so desperate she was willing to take the scraps from our marriage.<P>It is hard for me to respect her as she has already been a VICTIM of infidelity, like us. Would YOU ever heap this pain and destruction on anyone NOW that you know what it feels like?????????????????? For me - HELL NO!<P>How can she do this with a clear conscience KNOWING what I and the children am going through?????????? WITCH! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Roll Me Away,<P>I've had all those feelings, too. I've had moments when I've wanted to beat the crap out of her and I still don't know what I will do if I see her face to face. Not only for what she did to me, but for what she did to my sons. She KNEW my h was married and had these children and it has not bothered her one bit. She has called my attorney because the people in the workplace found out about their affair and threatened to sue me for harassment. I had nothing to do with their secret getting out. She actually called my home once when my H was at a family school night with us, I guess she was afraid he had stayed here. The nerve of that woman to act like I was causing her problems when she had destroyed my family. My only hope is that she uses and abuses him to the point that he sees thru him.<P>AD

AD,<P>NOW you're talking - beat the crap out of the OW! HMPF! That's what I wanted to do on Christmas Day. That b!tch had the nerve to come to Atlanta and stay with my H and his friend and have the holidays HERE...just a few short miles from OUR home. <P>I hated him and her for doing this <P>I guess her son was at his Dad's, but I didn't ask because I didn't want to know.<P>She is pathetic and this is probably her only chance to get a man. She is a little manish looking herself...outdoorsy with no makeup and a little "rough" looking. Not at all my H's type...honestly when I found out he was in the affair I assumed it was a younger girl, blond haired and maybe even a dancer or Hooters-type. My H, like most men, can really appreciate the beauty of a woman. I am thin and in great shape, but NO Hooters-type. This woman is really plain, dumpy and she really looks 50. Not disparaging the age, becuase I am 44, but I never thought he would go for a woman that old (he is 52). Just surprised at her age and her LOOKS (YUCK), compared to what I would have guessed he would have picked. <P>One more major surprise - my H and I are very financially responsible and this women has an unbelievable amount of credit card and line of credit debt - you wouldn't beieve the amount if I told you!!!! I can't believe that alone didn't make my H turn and run like a jackrabbit!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

You know I cannot understand that fact myself, even about myself. I was the OW and knowing my OM makes about 1/3 less than my husband does. Also we do not have credit cards and are far better off.<P>My OM was in debt to his eyeballs. Made not bones about that fact and how his wife spent money. He said that we would not have much, he would want them to stay (strapped) in their huge house with swimming pool...etc and he would be obligated to them for many more years.<P>Yet at the time I was so blinded by false love I couldn't see or think straight. Nothing mattered but being with him, the only love of my life. Am I ever glad I woke up and saw the light!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Susan (edited December 28, 1999).]

My H's Ow had to be a loser. Here she was a single mom of a 6yo boy who lived 500 miles away from my H, a man she met in a bar while he was on a business trip and had lunch with the next day before he came home. No sex at the point when they met.She looks him up from his business card TWO YEARS later and they start up a friendship that develops into a long distance EA. What was she ever thinking, I only have one idea. She was looking for someone who would listen to her pitiful life and maybe leave his wife and three kids so she would have a daddy for her kid. NOT.My H says that even if our marriage had not worked he wouldn't have pursued a relationship with someone who had a young child,he had his own to take care of. She was a FOOL and I'd love to laugh in her face and say HA HA! I try to pray for her pitiful self though and ask God to straighten out her sick mind so she can get an available man !

Susan,<BR>I think how people handle money is a major relationship interaction - in other words, if the two in the relationship view money very differently, it can be a relationship breaker. The point I am trying to make is that that the OW is very cavlier with money and my H is very conservative..he and I pay off the credit card bill in full each month. <P>mthrrhbrd,<P>What a story - unbelievable that she could contact him after so long of a time, with such a little to go on between them!<P>I wonder how many other men she contacted first and maybe he was just the first to "bite"? REALLY desperate!!!<P>Roll Me Away <BR>I think her spending patterns will be a major LB at some point in their relationship, unless she changes 180 degrees. <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

The OW in my H life is older than him and myself. We are both 37 and she is 40. I believe her present H is 36 and her first H was younger too. She must like younger men. Her present H makes very good money and the time of onset of affair with my H, he was making good money too. Now he has a new job at half the money. When I finally saw her in court a few weeks ago, she was nothing like I expected. She looked about 10 years older than me, dyed hair, tan, perfect nails and dressed very nicely. She was FAKE. She had on so much makeup that a putty knife would probably snap in two. Of course that did make me feel better. But we are really opposites. My hair is natural....I only weigh about 100 lbs.....my nails aren't that great......no tan.....very little makeup.... and I love sweat shirts and jeans (although I wore a borrowed suit that day) But the best part of all is that I am a much better person. I could never do what she did and even if I had....I would have been remorseful. So inside and out I am more real and more beautiful. He loses.<BR>Nancy

MENTAL,<P>Another point we have in common, my kids said the OW wore so much makeup her face would crack if she smiled. Other than that, I have been told that she looks quite a bit like me. That's a little wierd!<P>Ad

I'm sorry, I did not make myself clear in my earlier post. But yes, how people manage their money can really be a big relationship breaker. My view of handling money is more like yours. But, I was thinking about this perfect love I thought I had. Later I could imagine being married to him and being in debt up to my eyeballs too (something I have never been used to. We don't even use credit cards so we DON'T get surprised every month.) Talk about starting out with a big lovebuster!!! It could have been a disaster, but my point was when we are attracted to the OM, it is amazing the things we can overlook!!!!!

Susan,<P>I see now what you were trying to say. It is the same for my H, too. He is overlooking that negative aspect of the OW - much different spending habits than he is used to. This must be the fantasy part. I wonder what else he is overlooking about her....<P>AD and Mental,<P>I have a picture in my head of what these women look like and it is cracking me up...you guys make them sound like real clowns with all that make-up! LOL!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

My H is attractive (physically fit, nicely dressed, etc.) compared to OW's bald older looking & abusive H. My H has a good job and makes a good income. (But, if he were to divorce me, and left me for her, I could guarantee that he wouldn't have that much.)<P>My H is a nice, affectionate & loving person (when he wasn't involved in the affair). I really don't know how he treated the OW since I wasn't there to see it.<P>All I do know is that the OW is a battered wife and my H felt pity for her. He wanted to help her sorry a$$ and sacrifice our marriage to do it.<P>My H was drinking very heavily at the time, and hated himself. He was very vulnerable. I don't know what OW saw in him. She met him at the bar. (I know that if I were single and I met someone like him a person who drinks heavily, I would be turned-off.) But, the OW is very needy and desparate and wanted a way out of her lousy marriage. (By the way, my H has since breaking off the affair...quit drinking.)<P>OW lives in a slum-like apartment....we have a nice house. OW went after my H who was vulnerable at the time (we were having problems in our marriage). She pretended to be a friend to him...someone to tell his problems to...of course, she had a different agenda.<P>My H says that OW reminds him of a man rather than a woman. She is 180 pounds, built like a man, looks aged and you can tell she has had a hard life, not attractive in the face, not intelligent. My H says that she has nothing over me, and said that if he weren't drinking, he wouldn't even have been where he was.<P>Sorry...got off the topic and went on another tangent. But, I believe that my H is a better man than her H. She knew it, and that's why she wanted him.<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited December 29, 1999).]