My husband and I just found out yesterday that our son has been unfaithful to his wife. I do not know to what extent at this time.

We are heartsick. Our son has apparently been leading a double life, preaching and teaching at our church while drinking, smoking and carrying on with other women. I can't help but want to blame myself. Where did I go wrong in raising him?

We are totally in support of dil. They have 2 boys, ages 2 and 4. We are encouraging her to do whatever it takes. We feel she tends to enable him to some extent, so we're trying to help her realize that.

I'm trying to encourage her to visit this site. I have written my son a letter, letting him know that I know and pleading with him to consider his family and relationship with the Lord. I don't know what else to do.

I haven't been able to eat or sleep since finding out. My husband is just angry. I'm afraid he'll make it worse. Our two daughters can't stop crying. I can't imagine the pain my poor dil is going through.

I am praying continually for them. What else should I be doing? I am trying to not offer too much advice, lest dil resent me at a later date.

Mongo2four

First this isn't your fault. Your son is not necisarly a bad person but a person making bad choices right now. You need to be there for his whole family now. Understand now that it is in the open he will start to feel the guilt and depression may set in with shame. Unfortinately his wife will need to be strong and help him pick up the pieces. You can help her in that as my mother in law is with my W's EA. The first thing your son needs to understand there can be no contact(NC)with the other woman(OW). Please have your husband read on this site too. Just as you we are a christian family. In my case the OM was a good friend in our church. We are all human and sometimes the temptation and our pride allow sin into our lives. Remember Jesus wouldn't let the adualtress woman be stoned so stand by your sons family and help all of them. God bless you and give you stregnth.

RHM
Praying for all of you.

Hello mongo2four,

Welcome to MB.I am glad you found us but very sorry to hear that your son has made this choice to be unfaithful.

You sound like my MIL if she were to post here.When the news came out of my Wayward Husbands(WH's)Infidelity,we all lost a lot of weight,had sleep problems,anxiety,shame,depression,etc.It was very hard on everyone including my children,not just me.My In-Laws wanted to help so much but they too were so ashamed at their son's behavior.They kept telling me that they thought they had raised him right.I told them what he did was NOT their fault.It's a CHOICE.Your son could have done so many other appropriate things besides cheat and carouse with other's and exhibit poor behavior.He sounds lost and confused.Maybe he is even going through a mid life crisis(I don't know how old he is).

The best thing you can do is just be there and listen.That helps a lot.Encourage your DIL to come here.I can't express enough what kind of strength she will get from being here with other's that know exactly what she is going through.We can help her.Tell her that.Tell her we will be waiting if/when she is ready.

It is critical that she have a plan and know how to deal with this if she wants a chance to save her marriage.It is very difficult to recover from Infidelity and most of us here are betrayed spouses( BS's) that are trying to learn and help other's.Unfortunately though, many WS's do not make it here but if anything,your DIL can have *personal recovery if not Marital recovery too.That will be a BIG benefit for her to move on in life after this mess.

Again,please get your DIL here and we can work with her.There is a lot to learn and do.I hope she will consider it.

Mongo,it is wonderful that you care enough to try and help and are seeking out information.Please take some time to read our threads and especially over on the General Questions board.It is very painful to hear what is going on but it will give you some insight into what adultery/infidelity is about and how we deal with it.

Lastly,in dealing with your son,I would hasten to add that you should in no way support his bad behavior.That does not mean you need to disown him but do let him know that you do not approve.In the not too distant future,it will impact your son that he doesn't have the approval of his family and that will also wear on the other woman(OW) if there is one specific one.

Take care and do stay with us.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I saw my dil today and things are getting a little better. Our son has agreed to meet with a preacher of a neighboring congregation, since his church doesn't have a hired preacher. He has repented to her and is making promises to remain faithful. She informed me that they will both be going forward in church on Sunday, which is a major step! I've sent her to this site and will be not returning, so she'll feel more comfortable posting, knowing I'm not here. I did order them a copy of Surviving An Affair, that should arrive sometime next week. Other than prayer, I guess I'm doing what I can. Thanks so much for the support and encouraging words.

mongo2four

Your a great MIL! Glad to hear they are starting to get help and recover. Prayers for your family.

RHM