About 3 weeks ago husband had a dream about a guy from my past. We seperated 16months ago for 4 months. He had contacted attorneys, I had made living arrangements. I thought it was over. I slept with this guy in his dream. He asked me about it and I said yes. I told him I was truley sorry and would never do this again. I feel much remorse for my actions. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot change what has happened but only learn from it. I am at a loss of words for him. I know he hurts. He is the type of person if it is broke, crush it. He is threatening seperation. I don't want to go thru with that again. He has to do what he chooses. I hear threats of divorce and seperation in just obout every argument we have. He has done some things with women that I know about. I even saw one time. He didn't sleep with her that I know of. But do we really know everything? It is just something I had to get over so we could go on. I hope the same for him. I don't want to loss my husband. I truley love him and if there was anyway I could change what I have done I would. Any ideas? Thanks for listening.

Lost Wife
Sorry to meet you under these circumstances!
Seems you and your husband have a bit of honest talking to do. From what I understood from your posting both of you may be guilty of some forms of infidelity. You may strongly consider finding a pro marriage counselor and having them help you two in sorting out all this.
If you two truly wish to rebuild your marriage the first place to start is open and radical honesty between spouses.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_honesty.html
Also have a hard look at the concepts listed here
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html
one of which is radical honesty.

SM

Last February after our 4 month seperation we did about 6 months of counciling. It did us alot of good. I was shocked when he told me of the dream. I never told him because I didn't want to hurt him. I had made a mistake and nothing ever came out of it. We got back together and went to counciling and have been doing fine execpt for your normal spats. But when we do get into arguments.....He does tend to threaten divorce. I just feel it was so long ago and it is over that we need to move on. He just wants to rehash everything. Which I try to understand. But it has been a little over a year since our last seperation. I just don't know if I can deal with him walking out the door over this. I have a son, this can't continue. I look back and there are things that I have had to suck up. I didn't like it but it was best for the family. I feel he is more in the punish mode. I don't get involved with the yelling and fighting. I just don't answer the phone. Then he dosen't come home till late. He wants to make me jelous I am sure. I don't have time for it. I feel if he can find something or someone else than that is a choice he will have to make. It will hurt. But I am tired. I have been alone in my life. It was lonely at times but also peaceful. The accusing and rehashing the past does no good. It only makes the situation worse. I hope I don't look like I am trying to escape accounabilty here. I am not. Just under the circumstances I ask for some grace. It is not like I was seeing this guy for months and living with my husband. It was a one time thing. I told him I can't believe I answered "yes" to his question. Just some things are left better unknown. I have to think about myself. What he did over a year ago while we were seperated would do nothing for me today. Maybe I think different than most.

Lost Wife
My first perception is......
Sounds like your Husband has some unresolved issues that did not come out in counseling or some newer issues he is currently dealing with now.
The divorce threat seems to be retaliation for the hurt he felt during the separation but the recent outbursts may be founded elsewhere.
Just a thought..... Is it possible he is having an emotional affair with someone?

May want to consider heading back to counseling.

SM

Sorry this is going to sound cruel. But I don't care if he is having an emotional affair. I just hope she keeps a clean house, meets his needs and has a good job. Cause she is going to need all of it. I also hope she can deal with the baggage of 3 divorces and 3 kids. Our seperation a little over a year ago seems like yesterday to me. All the crap over the last 6 years seems like yesterday. It is turning into rotten fruit. I know my attitude is bad. Over the last few days I have delt with his verbal bashing and everything is my fault all the way to bashing my parents. He knows I can't stand it when he brings my parents into our fights. I don't do that to him. He knows when he does this it makes me want to get in there with him and rip him a new one. I met Brad when I was 24yrs old. He was 37. Boy would I ever get in there and romp with him. NO MORE!!! I just can't do it. I can't do that to myself or my child. When things get like this I have to look at him as dangerous and be on guard with my mouth shut! I know that is the best thing to do. But when he calms down he dosen't want to discuss his mouth and neither do I. In fear of letting him have it cause I have allowed him to hurt me without retaliating. I have always said, nothing ever stays the same, everything changes. I am not the same person I was when I was 24. There are somethings I have come to terms with. Somethings cannot be fixed. You just wait for the next thing to break.

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: LostWife ]</small>