Not too long ago, my husband and I reached an agreement to seperate because things were not going well in our marriage. In this process I reached out to a friend,whom by the way, was also having problems with him spouse. My H found the e-mail, one in particular, that stated "All I can offer you is a shoulder to cry on, let me know if I can be of any help." The message he got was that coming from the opposite sex, it was a come on and not sincere. We have since been in counseling.......to no improvement, but he is threatened that this other man is more interested in a relationship or a good time rather than offering honest and sincere moral support. Is there anyone who can tell me different? Or am I not seeing something from the inside out? Help!

It's hard to say from such little info. My friend came over to comfort my wife after I was assigned over seas. They built up such a bond that she kept their private meetings, conversations flirting and so forth from me and then lied about it when I found out. In short they had a EA. She couldn't and didn't want to believe that she built up a emoyional bond woth him. She knew from the begaining that it was wrong but she began to rationalize it away because he made her feel so good about herself. He met all those emotional needs that was hard for me to do 3000 miles away. Soon she began to with draw even from conversation from me. Does this sound familure? Maybe not. The one thing that is important is for you to understand is God intended for you to be one in your marriage. If this OM is causing a wedge real or not and it disturbs your H then the best thing to do is to have NC with him. Consentrate on your H and the marriage. I hope this helps and please don't take this as a scolding it isn't meant that way. God bless the both of you.

Dear RHM,
the only reason I reached out to someone else is because he has known me for a considerable amount of time, and needed comfort, that I never got in my own personal relationship. I did the God thing, church thing, prayer thing, and still am doing it. I am hoping to see change, but am not keeping my hopes in any of it, being realistic as to where we both are in this tumultuous relationship. The other man is not an issue, but is to someone who is insecure and not sure of how I feel towards him anymore. I did at one time love him, but it is only a sincere love from one human being to another.

Your husband feels betrayed. As a man they want to be there for the woman, physically and emotionally. The fact that you could not communicate your innital needs to your H is what leads others to find comfort in the arms of another. You need to communicate your reasons to your H for why you spoke to the other man to begin with.