I just needed to say thanks for this website. I dont really feel like "infedility" is an issue for our marriage, but I do feel "cheated on"??? Our fifth baby is 7 weeks old and last week I found out that my husband has been watching porn and masterbating. And he did so the night after I gave birth to our baby (I was still in the hospital). I am exhausted from talking (arguing) about this but I dont feel like I can move beyond this without complete honesty and I dont feel like I've gotten that. (three days after my first discovery, I found that there has been this issue for more than 18 months, maybe as much as 2 yrs!) My husband conveniently "forgot" about times and where I was! I just dont buy that! How could he not know where I was? At any rate, I am hoping to use some of Dr. Harley's tips on "radical honesty" to move beyond this. I thought my marriage was fine... sure sex was not as often as pre-children, but what married couple's is? I didn't think we had THAT big of an issue, and come to find out, it was! AND... he lied all the way till he couldn't deny my proof! He says he "admitted" it.. no he didn't... he got caught! There is a BIG difference. Anyways, thanks again for having this place.... I REALLY hope this helps us because the way I feel now, I'd rather NO man at all than one that lies to me!

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Hello imama2many,

Welcome to MB.

It's not that uncommon for some men to feel rejected and in second place,so to speak,when it comes to children.The time of it just being the two of you and having quality time together as a couple can evaporate with each successive child.Unless you make time for yourselves it can take a toll on your marriage.Then there's the whole "Madonna/Whore" complex issue for other's.

I am not saying this behavior of your H is appropriate at all.I believe porn is a scourge of society and it's creating so many problems for men and women and in marriages yet women still get used and abused and exploited and many are making money of of ALL of us.SICK!

The first step here I think is for your H to recognize he has a problem.Dr.Phil believes as well(from what I have heard on his site and shows) that spouses should be building the relationship together and not detaching and using porn as a way to get off.It's not healthy by any means.Your H has a living breathing woman at home: his WIFE.And using porn and masturbation for sexual release can make many of us feelunwanted and unloved.Then it's vicious cycle of resentment and sadness and more of the same for both spouses.

I would say that a good heart to heart talk to your H about this and how it makes you feel is in order and that MC would be beneficial.If your H refuses and says he doesn't have a problem,then that is not good.This is definitely something that needs to be addressed.

Openess and honesty are important for both of you at this point and for a healthy marriage.I hope your H will join you in working on this.

O