My husband recently (over the weekend) opened an ICQ account on our computer There is not a single person on his contact list be he keeps getting IMs from these 21/22 year old girls asking if he can talk now or when a good time would be. All of these girls have a link on their profiles for a swingers website I went to this web site and it is personal ads for sex basically...I also have ICQ and have never in 7 years recieved IM's from anyone on this site so I am wondering if H may have a profile on there and that is how these girls are getting his #. So should I be suspicious or am I just paranoid?

I'd be very suspicious, but I can understand why you don't want to be. The truth will be very painful for you. I'd suggest seeing if you can find out if he has a profile on the website or get some of the software tracking for your spouse. Are there any other red flags as well that you can see might be pointing in this direction? Good luck to you.

Hello SSueSnow,

Welcome to MB.

If I were you,I would be aware.

How is your H doing in other areas? Is he a good and loving husband(H)? Is he detached or depressed? Would you say your marriage is healthy?

If you are serioulsy concerned about this then you can do two things,in my opinion: get some keylogger software to monitor the computer activity like Godhelpme suggested or bring your concerns to your H right away.

You can probably tell a lot about what he is feeling by his reaction to the question.Some people are good at hiding their emoitons but if your H were to become angry and defensive and talk about "invasion of privacy",I would say that is a red flag and that you need to do more investigating.He may be hiding things from you.

If nothing is going on then he would be very supportive and open about his dealings on the comp.But also,porn and other explicit sex sites and inappropriate online behavior is a major problem in this country now so it's quite possible your H isn't being entirely honest with you about what is going on inside.

Don't conssider yourself paranoid,just cautious.Trust your feelings.

O

Thank you for the suggestion on the key logger I am going to do that today... As far as my H goes on being good in my opinion no everyone else thinks he is perfect. He knows me vey well and somehow know exactly what I need when I need it, so my needs are met only when they have to be to keep homelife calm. You had mentioned porn and that has been an ongoing battle for almost 5 years I know he still does it but I have no proof because he has gotten so good at covering his tracks. I went tothe website that the girls IMing are linked to because I was going to see if he had a profile but when I put in the search criteria it brought up over 600 men in our state with very explict photos, I will not sift though them for the simple fact that I don't need to look at other men in that way if you know what I mean.

You also asked about his behavior he is completely normal he's not depressed or withdrawn actually he is quiet the opposite which I guess is a behavior change. I wanted to ask H about this the other night and ask if he's been watching porn agai but he can straight lie to my face and I wouldn't know the difference...

Come on. He's getting IMs from swinging girls and you're not sure whether to be suspect? If a girlfriend of yours came to you with the same question, what would you say?

I'm not trying to be harsh. I feel for you and ayone who thinks her H might be straying. But I think you already know the answer to this one.

Too