My wife of 14 years and mother of my 2 beautiful daughters has admitted an 'emotional' affair with another man. She has told me that she has had these feelings for him for the past 6 weeks but that nothing has ever happened. What she doesen't know is that 3 days before admitting the affair to me - I discovered that there was sex involved and with whom. She has not revealed him to me and has denied that anything happened(by the way I found out via email records). She and I both want to work on our marriage and remain a family. My question is should I reveal that I actually know the truth? The second thing is a little more difficult - the individual is a friend. We have a group of 6 couples who socialize on a regular basis. The participants in the affair are my wife and one of the other husbands. I'm supposed to be going golfing with this guy is 3 weeks! Now, because she doesn't know of my knowledge, she has suggested a dinner with the other affected couple and playing golf with them regularly this summer. </font>

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Sorry, got cut off. The question really is should I expose the knowledge I have to the OMW(who is a dear friend), the OM, and to my wife. I feel that if I do she will react severely to the lack of privacy that I have shown her by snooping and that I will drive her further away.

Carefully expose!

You need to expose this affair. Why? so the betrayal stops and the healings starts. She said she wanted to work on the marriage but she isn't being 100% truthful to you. Ask her how is she going to give to a marriage while she is not being 100% honest to you before you expose the affair?

Come back and tell us what happens. Please if you do confront this guy, do not be physical!
Good luck.

Ali~

Hi Arbur,

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry you find yourself here under these circumstances.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel that if I do she will react severely to the lack of privacy that I have shown her by snooping </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gently explain to her that she is not entitled to a secret hidden life. There is really no room for "privacy" in an intimate marriage.

Exposure is recommended to shine the light of day on your wife's affair. Affairs don't look very pretty when they're exposed to the bright light of day. Informing the other man's wife will help your wife maintain no contact and give them an opportunity to work on their own marriage. And yes, NO CONTACT between BOTH of you and the other couple is CRUCIAL to recovery. As long as there is any contact, your marriage will not be in recovery. Your wife needs to write a no-contact letter which you should read and mail to the OM.

Read the concepts page here for more guidance.

Best of luck.

Nat