My husband of nearly 4 yrs has reunited with his high school sweetheart via the internet. They exchanged emails & photos. I was fine with this much, as long as I'm in the loop & everything's in the past. I'm not a drama queen.

Now she calls our home when I'm at work or at school. She called once when I was home, & quickly hung up. She lives in another state, & I know nothing physical has occurred between them, but I found emails between them in which my husband is flirting & saying that I've come to the conclusion he is not giving her up. He talks in his emails about sleeping with the phone under his pillow so he doesn't miss her call (he works nights & sleeps days).

I've expressed my opinion that this is inappropriate & that no other friends would arrange for their phone calls to be when I'm out of the house. My husband says it's all in my head - there's nothing wrong with his friendship with this woman. I believe it's an emotional affair & a betrayal of our vows.

I can't even get to Plan A because he refuses to acknowledge he is in an inappropriate relationship & ruining our marriage. He says it's me. And I can't provide what's missing in our relationship if he won't tell me.

Do you think I've overreacted? I've been heartsick for a week since finding the latest email about sleeping with the phone under his pillow. Divorce is not an option for me, but I need help. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Your opinions & advice would be most appreciated. Thanks for your time.

RoseRed,

It certainly doesn't sound like a "harmless" relationship to me!!

Your HUSBAND is having inappropriate conversations and emails with an OW (other woman) In essence he is involved in an emotional affair.

No it is not in your head! he would love for you to think that....that is the way the WS behaves... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> while in the "fog" of the A.

Just like abuse....weather emotional or physical they are both DAMAGING so is an Affair of either!

You do need read read read here.

And suggest M/C (marriage counseling) for the two of you. Do you attend church? If you do, you could go together and ask your pastor or preist if this appropriate behavior so your husband can hear it from him!

THIS IS NOTHING FOR YOU TO JUST OVER-LOOK!!! You are NOT over-reacting! Your husband is not thinking about you right now. It's about him...

That is the mindset of the partner involved in an affair.

I am soooooo sorry you are here! But, one thing you have going for you is that she is not in the same area as you.
So physically they can not "get together" as easily!!! Which is a plus for the marriage.

Blessings,
Atruheart

RoseRed

Even if you and this OW were close friends and you knew your husband and she were friends also it is inappropriate for your husband to communicate with her privately and secretively. This has moved onto an emotional affair which he is enjoying at your expense. If the OW has a Boyfriend or Husband they must be told of this contact. If not perhaps you could plead with her parents for help to end this contact. Take note your husband will not be pleased with you exposing thier inappropriate behavior and probably will become angry since he is loosing an exciting feeling. Be calm and just keep reminding him you love him, want to stay married to him and this can be worked out.

SM

Rose Red,

I concur that an EA is going on between your H and OW.

You can start to Plan A without input of your H.
I started by being more helpful around house and making sure that I was more available to W. Spending more time together will help, my W and I are like you and your H, one works days and one works nights.

On this site, there is a posting by worthatry called WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for betrayed spouses. Read it, make a hard copy of it, and believe in it. It was the one most important item that helped me deal with the initial shock of my W's A.

Read the articles that are in the main body of this site. They will help you develope a plan to deal with the A.

Vaya con dios,
GVS

Look, to be blunt, Men and Woman cannot be friends. Even if a man is not attracted to a woman, if she were to touch him "erotic like", they get arroused. Many men say that they be friends but its a lie or they are gay, this is one of the "MAN SECRETS", the difference between men and woman is some men will be thruthful about the "MAN SECRET", but woman have a secret too but they never give up the "WOMAN SECRET". So now that i have given up the "man secret", i think its about time you shared the "WOMAN SECRET", whatever it is we want to know.