My wife and I have had communication problems for years, I became friends with someone else who did not always tell me why my ideas were wrong. Over time we became good friends and my wife thinks we were having an affair. We never had sex and we never snuck around to motels and such. Maybe we had an affair, but not in the traditional since that you would think. I have realized what I was doing was wrong and have cut off my connection with this person. We work in the same building, but different departments. I refuse to give her personal information. I am trying to transfer to another store in the same city. Am I doing enough? Will my wife ever stop throwing this in my face?

Comments please......

You did not physically have an affair, but emotionally you did. You need to communicate to your wife that she is not meeting your emotional needs and you found a person who did. Marriage counseling would be a start. You have to be completely honest about your marriage and what lead you to find emotional comfort in another woman. Going to counseling to talk about your problems will be a step in the right direction. Your wife needs to forgive you, and you need to help her. You have to understand that she feels betrayed and hurt. Ask her what you can do as her husband to help her to forgive you. Hope this helps. Good Luck

We have been going to counciling for a few months. I have told her that she needs to be less critical of ideas she does not like. We both need to be more flexable. But how long does she get to keep bringing this up? Is this a life long thing that will hang over my head??

Hey, believe it or not, my hubby did the same thing you did. It broke my heart. I am still hurting from the devastation that it caused, but here is how I am dealing with it and it may help you to understand your wife's perspective (p.s. kudos for fighting!). Hubby and I are using symbolic gestures to close this door. Ex. I have written a letter to the OW telling her just how I feel about her "friendship" with my husband. Everything in that letter was nasty. As soon as I feel like this whole thing is completely closed (I am certain that there is no contact and will be no contact ever again) I will burn the letter as a way of saying to myself "it's okay now. I can stop thinking about, worrying about it. I can move on". Your wife needs time. In the meanwhile, you need to make major love deposits! Spend as much time as you can doing things together that have nothing to do with everyday life, stress, even marriage. Now is the time to become friends again. How do you be a good friend? Get involved with her interests, compliment her on her achievements, do new things together, ...everything that you would do to make a friends needs to be done. Eventually, the pain will subside, the resentment will fade and you and your wife will be able to move on. She needs time and LOTS of patience. But this will pass and it will be worth it to you, and her! Good luck to you both!

Oh, P.S...you may want to think about moving to another city...starting completely over with your "new marriage" (I say "new" because after an affair everything in the marriage changes and it's like you just started again). This would be a great step to take to put her mind at ease that the OW is completely out of the picture. See what your W thinks of this idea! Get her involved. Show her that you are doing everything that you can to make this go away.