My H and I have been together for 20 yrs. I would say over the past 10 yrs we have drifted apart. Things started getting better for us again about 5 yrs ago. We decided to start a family. My Son is 2 yrs old now. Last summer I started to really feel unhappy and thinking maybe we should seperate, but didn't truly want to lose him. Things weren't getting better for the two of us and we were drifting apart again.
This past Christmas H went to his office christmas party. He didn't come home that night. Says he stayed over somebodys house because he drank too much and couldn't travel home. things became very bad and he continued to drink, which he has had a problem with for years and he suffers from depression. It became so bad after that night and he couldn't get control of himself saying that maybe we should seperate. So we decided to start marriage counseling. I didn't want the marriage to end and would do anything to keep us together as a family. Just before New years I found notes that he had written. He had a "sexual encounter" the night of the christmas party with a co-worker and got caught with her in his office. They were going to charge him with rape if they both didn't say it was consentual. He says that they both blacked out and if he wasn't drinking it never would have happened. Of course I was devastated. We decided to continue MC. I feel that I have been giving my 100% and he still wasn't in this fully. He has been drinking much more than he ever has been. He keeps telling me he will stop and that he is feeling so guilty about what happened. This past weekend I found his journal. Mostly what was in it was about this other woman and how he is in Love with her. They work with each other. She waits for him after work and they walk out of the building together. Just last week they were planning a lunch together, basically he wants to find out about her feelings towards him. I confronted him with what I found and I told him that I want a divorce. How do I live with someone and try to work on this marriage when he loves somebody else. He told me that its more of an infatuation. He wants to work on our marriage, he loves me but there were many reasons why he betrayed me. Which I somewhat understand. We didn't have much of a marriage, we were more like roommates living together. but now to find his journal. How do I continue to work on this marriage. He swears that he will stop drinking and that he doesn't want this other woman that he wants to be with me and our son. How do I believe him? I feel so lost and alone. He told me that he is not going to go to lunch with her and he is going to stop drinking to save our marriage. Do I believe him? I believe that he will try and stop drinking but I don't believe that his feelings for this other woman are not real and that he still may pursue her. I am so confused.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

Your husband needs to show you with ACTIONS that he wants to save your marriage. Don't listen to anything he says. Instead, watch what he does.

I suspect that the affair has more to do with his drinking than anything. And don't pay any attention to his "love" for her. They all say that.

Keep reading and posting here, and we will help you through this.

Thank you for your quick response. Thank you for the smile when you said, "And don't pay any attention to his "love" for her. They all say that."
I want to believe him and we have been having wonderful weekends together with the 3 of us together as a family. Thats why I guess I am hurting so bad, when I found the journal saying he has feelings for her.