I have been dating an MD for almost a year. I always said I would never date a doctor, but now I find myself doing it. We are fairly serious.

Every once in a while, when he e-mails me, it will also e-mail someone else from his account. The other day, my account was copied as he e-mailed another girl. The e-mail was suspect. Could be interpreted as either inappropriate, or friendly.

I confronted him, and he said she is a friend he has known for a long time. She is married. I have nothing to worry about. That I misinterpreted the e-mail.

I have had someone cheat on me before, and I am very suspicious now. I have looked this girl up on the internet, and have some information about where she works and where she is doing her PhD.

I realize I have some baggage from my ex cheating on me. I'm sure it's possible that I misinterpreted, but I'm still suspicious. I would hate to lose the relationship, though, because I was wrong.

Is there a way to find out more about people on the internet? I have also thought about hiring a PI.

Thanks

Dating an MD
You have every right to be suspicious. The E-Mail does raise a flag and should be pursued.
Perhaps the best course of action would be to E-Mail the married woman, identify yourself, politely state what relationship you have with this MD and ask her some generic interest question about her pursuit of the PHD.
If something is going on I am sure this will get a rise out of the two.

SM

Thank you. Problem is I have already confronted him about the e-mail. I am afraid if I e-mail her, she will tell him, and they will be more careful. I have been through the lies and such before. In my last marriage. My ex had one physical and one emotional affair. It was so easy for him to pull the wool over my eyes.

I want to investigate this myself. And find proof. That way, I have no doubt.

Thank you again.

oh the other problem. He works in my hospital. I don't work for him, but he has a lot of interaction with my department. I don't want the department to lose business.

If I find out that he is cheating, I want to let the girl's husband know and I will leave MD. I just cannot go through infidelity again.

How formal and serious is your relationship? The dynamics are a lot different when you're dating as opposed to being married. You said "fairly serious".

If you have to find out, try a keylogger program to get his password, monitor his emails, and get chats and screenshots. Worked for me.

it's time to be mature...did you discover the email on a company computer? How did you find it? If you found it on a company computer, drop it at work.

Again, dating is different from marriage. I am newly divorced and a med professional. You will not cause your dept. to lose business should you break up...now if you act irrationally during a breakup, you'd might lose credibility, but if you keep things business and your personal life separate from your work life, then you're fine...I oughta know...I was/is dating a clinician I used to work with. We were 100 percent professional at work. When we broke up last year, it did not affect either of us or our work. And now we're going out again.

I understand how it feels to be a BS, but not everybody is the same.

If you're that worried, then get the darn pi. I had one after I caught my xh. Found out all I needed to know in one night.

And I found your comment about "I swore Id never date a doctor" kinda sad...my best guy friend in the world is a physician; my bro in law is a physician, and I have many physician friends who are imho...very fine people and of the ones married, good and loving wives and husbands. What does happen from time to time is found in any career where there is a large earning potential...as with my xh. Suddenly found himself making alot of money and in his foggy brain theorized that money = happiness instead of getting what life was really about...and he began a life that could be summarized by this quote that was read aloud during one of my contempt hearings "I lived like a rock star and loved every minute." It's not the profession that makes somebody bad, it's if they let the dollar rule their lives and their morality.

The dating part is simple. If he's a creep, dump him. Serious or not so serious, it's not like it's a life or death thing...not at all like a divorce. Personally, if it's me, and I had these very deep suspicions, I'd dump him. Doctor, plumber, ceo, or fry cook...it doesn't matter. If the person's a creep dump them. You could grow old spending your time worrying what somebody COULD do to you.

Like it or not, people are sovereign and may associate with anyone they choose...you cannot control this.

As I see this, you have only one option that will work: Talk to him about how you're feeling and give him a chance to decide if you're worth changing his behavior for.

I think you fear that he may decide that you're not. It is a distinct possibility that he won't, but those are the risks you take in developing a relationship.

I will assert that if you do not get this issue resolved and your relationship proceeds to marriage, that your then-H will feel "tricked".

You are DATING. Neither of you have the right to invade the other's privacy at this point.

If I were in your MDs place and I discovered you "checking up" on me, that would be a serious reality check (likely end of relationship). However, if you simply expressed your concern and your feelings to me openly and honestly, I'd be much more inclined to work with you. If you do this and you cannot come to a satisfactory agreement, then you know what you have to do.

My advice to you would be different if your were married...but you're not.

Low

You said it's fairly serious, but is there an agreement that you won't date other people yet?

You can google her name and email address for starters, but what sort of info are you looking for? I guess I don't know what finding information on her will get you.

It is a bit odd that he has an old friend who he regularly corresponds with but hasn't mentioned to you before. Have you met his regular group of friends and does he normally discuss them with you?

Sorry, more questions than answers here.

Dobie

You need to read the book He's just not that into you. Also 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives.

I find your name interesting. Now really, are you interested in the guy, or is it the MD that attracts you. IMHO, I'd dump the guy and go to med school.