Background Info:

Married for 5 years, together 6 1/2
2 children together (girl, 4; boy, 2)
I have 3 daughters from a previous marriage (14,10,8)
I am 32, he's 29. History of EAs & PAs (1 prior to marriage, went to counseling. 1 two years ago on a weekend trip with his male cousins).

Well, things have definitely of come to a head. I intercepted the cell phone tonight from the charter as I have been suspecting an affair for about a month now. He went ballistic because I had it turned off and hidden. I figured that if he wasn't going to be honest, I would just wait until she called or text him. I know this was disrespective and a power-play, probably very un-MB-like conduct.

However, he admitted an EA with a co-worker. Of course all of his peers at work know me, hence the 68 text messages as then all would be alerted to the indiscretion. All I wanted was the truth. Three times down, once a cheater (PA or EA), always a cheater. I asked him to leave and he is left, but claims that he will pack later this morning once everyone is gone. I needed the truth, I got it. Next comes the pain, the anger, etc. I am worried about how the kids will take it as I don't intend to tell them that daddy has a new girlfriend. Any thoughts on how to break it to them that daddy is moving out? It will definitely be a long weekend.
Gosh, I am really spiraling here...sorry...I was asked in on a previous board why I married him if he had an affair prior the marriage when I was pregnant.

I married him because I loved him, I do love him, and forgave him for the cheating. My husband is a couple of years younger than I am and this is his first marriage. I had been where he was in regards to making poor choices in my first marriage and I realize through experience that other people outside the marriage do not solve the real issues in the relationships that we truly to care about.

I am not sure why I am back on the boards except that even while I have asked him to move out, I love him. I know that my pride is hurt (again) and that I just don't trust him on a lot of levels emotionally. I am scared. I think someone posted earlier today that even coming here, while asking for a separation, divorce or whatever, means that people still desire some hope or chance of rebuilding. I don't know what hope would look like in my situation because I think that our marriage definitely has issues, especially as we are a blended family. But the habit of turning outside of the marriage to fix those problems is a pattern. I believe Holding said that bad habits have to be broken, and while I have pushed for ongoing MC, H will attend 2 sessions and quit. I have gone along in many instances and I believe that he would have to make the personal decision that his patterns and choices need work. I don't believe really that he intends to do anything but move on. He is young, he took on a lot at an early age. I don't consider that an excuse, but I believe that he wants out. One of his cousins is going through a nasty divorce as his wife was cheating and I often commented how personal and involved my H was in that whole thing. I even asked him (as I began to suspect the OW) if he wished he were the one headed off to bachelorhood. Why can't they ever just be honest? It will hurt still, but not like the cheating and lying does.

Even if no one responds, I appreciate this site as a positive outlet for the pain.

Welcome back to MarriageBuilders. During all of this time were you spending time together - doing fun things?

I think I would stand my ground and calmly let him back and leave. He needs to know that there are boundaries in a marriage.

Sorry you are back here, but we will support you.

Hello walkbyfaith,

I don't know if you're still reading,but,after being here a long time now,I truly believe that love is not enough.

I know you love your WH,we all love our spouses.But no one deserves such poor treatment even BY those that we love.It's the hardest thing to let them go,like I did with my WH.But it's necessary to keep your dignity and intergrity.That love that we have for someone also keeps us from seeing clearly like for you and the premarital issues.Love truly is blind sometimes.

I am sorry about your children though.That is always the worst,how they are affected.They are so innocent and do not deserve such pain in their lives.You have a total of 5 kids and it won't be easy telling them but be honest and reassuring and don't go into minute detail.Just facts they can understand at their age level.I would even consider talking to a counselor first on how to approach this with so many kids of varying ages.

I'm sorry that your WH has to learn and grow up now when he should be a devoted husband and father.My WH is a bit like that as well.The timing sux but I am a very strong woman.I will do alright with what I have been dealt.You will to I bet.

{{{walkbyfaith}}}

Stay strong,do what you must~

Much luck to you!

O

walkbyfaith - Can't really tell from your post if you are just "venting" or if you are even looking for advice.

I did read in your post that is seems like you'd like to stay married, but your immediate reaction was to boot him out of the house and the "disrespectful judgment" that he'd prefer to be divorced.

Before I go further let me ask you a question that will hopefully give me some guidance in how to respond to you.

Why did you pick "walkbyfaith" as your system name and what what does that name mean to, or how does it reflect your "faith?"

God bless.