Hi,
this is my first post ever... been a lurker for years. I am newley separated from my husband of 17 years. He took off about 6 weeks ago, our marriage has been on the rocks for at least 7 years. At least
2 affairs that I know of, tried working things out but, it did not work out, and I was tired of being treated in such a way. He finally walked out. Haven't heard a word from him, his family hasn't either, But we know he is ok through his friends.

Marriage is over for good this time. But here is the problem,,, I have worked with MY Boss for 12
years and he is a great man, and I have always admired him, he is married with 3 children 1 in
college one 17 and one 15. I have always admired his integrity and thought his wife was the luckiest woman alive, because he would never be capable of, messing up his family, or an affair.
He has always been a valued member of the church and the whole community loves and respects him.

Fast forward... we have always had a good working relationship, I have a great job and never could make the money that I do now, any where else and at this point I sure need it. So I have to try and work through this problem. He sent me flowers last week, surprise!!! I never said any thing to him the next day, so he sent an email. He pretty much confessed that he wanted more. and thought I did too.. I know he has been having trouble with his wife. but never did I think he was capable of this. I do so much admire this man, and it really has broke my heart that he did this. I kinda think
he wanted to lay it on the line before anyone else
came knocking at my door. In my email I told him
thanks for the flowers and I thankful for the friend I have in him.... reply friend.... he emailed back and said he was sorry, that he must have read more into it. He would never speak of it again. I have been chatting with a guy online, and
I had told him about it about a week before this happened and I could tell that he didn't like it .
So in his email he told me never to speak of my guy friends, very jeolous it seems.

Now, he should have known me better than this, I being on the other end of 2 affairs with my husband, of which he knew about. I would never be
the other woman, never would I want to be the person that would cause such pain to a beautiful family and I can't believe he stepped over the line. So what do I do know??? I can't lose my job, I need it so bad. I have got to try to work throug h this. He calls me almost every night, but has never said anything else about the situation.

I also feel like any man is capable of cheating, given the right circumstances, if this man is, any man is. I am still in shock!!

Do any of you have any advice??

hmorgan
Sorry to meet you in this fashion but I am glad you came to MB to ask questions.
First off you already know any relationship other than Boss, Worker at this point is wrong even if you have second thoughts. IE: "Well Kinda" comment.

It is good you cut him off at the pass but now you must stick to your guns and not allow any further contact of this nature to occur.

As far as your job is concerned, I doubt he will dismiss you that easily since you have evidence of his infidelity.

Proceed with diplomacy and caution reassuring him that you are and only wanted to be a friend and any other indication you may have sent to him not knowing you did, you are truly sorry for.

Try to give him an honorable way out.

Now, to be up front with you......
You inadvertently created this dilemma by confiding in him about your husbands infidelity. I know it felt comfortable, wanted your boss to know, and he seemed compassionate toward you, but he also developed a closer emotional relationship toward you that is so inappropriate to say the least.
His Jealousy should also be of concern since he is not thinking very straight at this time. He wanted you, which he could not have, should not have, was rejected and is now angry and slighted.

Very sticky situation!
Just limit your contact to only business other than saying your sorry for misleading him.

SM

Worried about your job?

Take the e-mail, include all "headers" and file it in a safe place. If you're terminated it is a classic case of sexual harrassment....

As a formerly divorced guy working it out with my XW I will tell you you're doing the right thing....I refused teh advances of several married women. It amazes me as to what it has become "out there"...

good luck..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He has always been a valued member of the church and the whole community loves and respects him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmorgan - It IS amazing, but very few people, (Other Persons, Wayward Spouses) look like crazy people on the outside.

But ACTIONS do speak louder than words many times.

I am concerned that this man may hold a position of authority in his church, but his actions with you indicate he should not be in such a position. He needs to really get into the Word of God and understand that Adultery is a big "No-No" with God.

If he has done this with you, it is possible that you are not the "first." I would suggest taking a copy of the email with you and having a private conversation with his pastor. Someone needs to be having a loving conversation with him about begin obedient to God's commands, and the best person for that, at this time, would seem to be his pastor, per a Matthew 18:15-20 intervention.

God bless and continue to protect yourself.

Hi Hmorgan,

As to your job, I would not worry about it. Since your boss said he would never mention this again, it was probably a lapse in judgment.

I think the man has probably been judged too harshly. You are right that in the right circumstances, anyone is vulnerable to an affair, but not just men.

The fact that he has always been seen as a moral person does not mean that he is now pond scum. In my experience, men who are like this usually have wives who take them for granted. You said yourself that you thought his wife was very lucky. He has probably gone with neglected emotional needs for a very long time, and is just very lonely. The problem is that a good man is not attracted to women who frequent singles bars. So he has probably stayed out of this type of place for a long time. However, he became attracted to a woman who is not like that at all.

Advice? Do not mention this to him ever again. Do not talk about relationships, or any personal matters. Be pleasant, but not sweet. A man who is neglected is very vulnerable to this. Also, I would suggest that you anonymously send his wife a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It sounds as if his wife has no idea of how to treat a husband, unlike most of the women on this forum.