My husband of 12 years was having an affair with a friend of mine. We are trying to work things out - he is being wonderful BUT I just can't get past the fact that he had the affair. He slept with someone else, someone who was a friend. Will I ever let go of it? Will I ever forgive him? I just do not think that I am going to make it day to day.

I am sorry that you are here, and that you are going through all this pain. We have all been there, and have felt exactly the same.
How long has it been since you found out about your H's affair? In the early days I felt like that quite often. It is STILL ealry in my recovery, but I am doing better, so I am sure you will too.
Please read EVERYTHING on the site...there is some wonderful info here. Don't think too much of it if people don't reply right away...especially on this board. If you have a more pressing matter post over on the General Questions board.
IF you want to work things out, it is going to be hard, so please do not expect miracles....even if your H is being wonderful. He has hurt you in the worst possible way, so it will take a lot of time to forgive that...keep being patient. Express to him that you are HURT and although you still love him, you need time to heal, and he needs to be the one who helps with the majority of that.
Keep posting, and reading, and talking to him.
Hope everything works out and you get the happiness you deserve.
True

Hello Jacqui,

Welcome to MB although I am sorry you are here for Infidelity.

You have just experienced the worst trauma you could in marriage:the betrayal of your spouse.And,you have the added painful realization of the other woman(OW) being your friend.

There is a lot to learn but you have found a very supportive place here.

So how do you begin to deal with all of this and all the overwhelming emotion? We have plans.

Like truetoself mentioned,read all of the concepts here.

1)Take a look at our online bookstore for recommended reading.Suggestions we always give are for SAA(Surviving and Affair) and HNHN(His Needs,Her Needs) by Dr.Harley.Other's are "NOT Just Friends" by Shirley Glass(excellent) and "Tough Love" by Dr.Dobson to start.

2) Read up on Plan A and what that means.

3)Get into counseling either with or without your WH.You need professional help,don't think you can do it alone.

Do you know if the A is truly over? Was the "friend" (OW) married? If so,does the spouse know? When was the last contact that you are aware of?

How is your WH treating you now? Does he account for all his time? Do you have any kids?

Please get a profile.If you do plan of staying with us,it will help other's who don't know your story to have a bit of an idea what's going on.

Do not try to get past the A so quickly ok? It's not going to happen.It takes,on average, 2 years to feel recovered from an A.Some more,some less but it's average so take it one day at a time.If you are really struggling,talk to your doctor about AD's(antidperessants),they have helped a lot of us here;keep coming here to post and vent,we are here to listen;make sure you are in counseling with a PRO marriage counselor or consider callig Steve Harley or Penny Tuppy for assistance.They are great.

Lastly,check out the Recovery message board and do some reading there.I don't know just how committed you both are to Recovery or when this all happened to you but you will find very inspriational stories there but also alot of pain and frustration.Recovery is a very long and bumpy process to get through but worth it in the end if you can save your marriage and have it be better than ever.

O