boy the tears have been flowing today....<P>H did not come home for x-mas....he called and I died....all he said was Merry Christmas and asked about my parents.....<P>He is on leave now but I dont know when he is coming down.......<P>I am still getting "I dont know" as his answer to questions and he is mad about money and that I have not got a job yet......<P>I have tried to explain that I just cant take any job and that I should be starting one in january but that is not good enough.....<P>At this point death would be so much less painful.......<P>DONT freak out I am not going to do anuthing but I am not going to lie and say it has not crossed my mind.......to he honest I dont know that he would care.....<P>amanda <P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

amanda,<P>If anyone can relate to the deep depression - it is me right now. Mine started on Christmas Eve. I got no phone call, no card, no gift and no e-mail, so you got a little bit more acknowledgement than I did.<P>This is the WORST time - the holidays are hitting us like never expected. I thought I was doing quite well, considering, and then got slammed down.<P>I am trying to remember what my H told me last Wed. which was last time I saw and talked to him. He is coping by compartmentalizing. He didn't explain, but I guess I took it to mean that he is try NOT to think of me or us while he is away....<P>Try to hang it there, amanda. That is all we can do...focu on making it today and then tomorrow and we will feel better soon. We have to focus on the positives in our lives and this is hard to do when the pain is so strong...but, we must keep trying.<P>Hanging in there with you,<P>Roll me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I am so sorry... I understand the depression too...although mine lately has manifested itself as anger. <P>I know the feeling of hoping that a plane would fall from the sky and strike you dead...not that you'd off yourself, just would be nice if "nature" or "God" or someone took care of it for you. How well I understand.<P>Hang on... for YOU!!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>Broken heart, broken promises, broken spirit... let me rest!

I REALLY can relate. I'm losing it tonight. I'm lost. I was ok today but I hate going to bed alone. This sucks so bad. <BR>Hang in there. Weneed to be strong for ourselves.<BR>I'll be praying for you.

thanks for all the support....It would be nice if My H was this supportive.....I just miss him so much and wish this would all end....one way or another...<P><BR>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

Hi Amanda,<P>I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I know what it's like. It hurts so bad. I read your profile, & you separated in October.<P>Your H needs some time right now to sort things out. He's no doubt very confused. The best thing you can do right now is stay as calm as you can when he does call you. Keep your conversation as upbeat and pleasant as you can. NO questions, absolutely NO pressure. You want his interaction with you to be relaxed, with no unhappiness, pressure, or guilt. You're in the "Plan A" stage which is one of the toughest places to be. Read all you can about this stage. There are several of us doing this very thing. <P>You're basically going to have to go against all your natural feelings and reactions. Do not over react, do not threaten, make no demands, do not yell, or scream, and try very hard to not cry in front of him (this one is the toughest!).<P>Hang in there, Amanda. We will be here to help support you.