mbtrk and HHH, gawd almighty do I know where you're coming from!<P>My W acts so empty-headed at times that I just want to pack her bags and toss them AND her out the door! Who wants to be married to a juvenile, new-age theory spouting imbecile masquerading as a 32 year old woman? Not me.<P>The thing is, Plan A is more about YOU than it is the wayward spouse. It's about polishing up your good qualities so that they shine for her AND for you, to remind you of how great a spouse you are. Afterall, it's YOU who is suffering the most and it's YOU who cares enough to try to make things better no matter what.<P>The key thing is, always take the high road and don't be afraid to talk about how you feel in a non-threatening way. Because when a WS is confronted with the fact that they are hurting your feelings and 'why' their actions or words are rude, they cannot turn away from the truth of it. <P>It's difficult, this Plan A stuff. Because the WS is often unaware of the fact that you simply cannot spend 24 hours a day 'improving' yourself. We also have to rest, we also have to relax, we also like the 'work' to come to an end once in a while. During which time the WS is just going about her (or his) routine day. Like I say, the WS acts childish while we must continue to rebuild and maintain.<P>I'm in my 8th month and things have improved drastically. But there are pitfalls along the way. Constant exposure to unimaginative dolts at her job who spout new age crap are a nuisance. My W is naive to the machinations of the world. She seems (like many people today) proud of her common-place ignorance. As though it's a badge of 'regular down-to-earth-ness'. She is also weak-willed and somewhat prone to a groupie mentality. <P>Ignorance is still ignorance.<P>But, it's something I am gently correcting in her, by sharing her interests and 'showing' her (without attempting to guide her) a greater understanding of the things she comments on.<P>Sorry, I don't mean to ramble. But I feel that I have no one to talk to and this Plan A stuff is not for the weak.<P> <P> <P> <P><BR>

Hey all...<BR>Plan A is not for the weak...for sure. This post won't be long because I'm at a loss for words I guess. After the conversation that I just had with my wife...I think, or am almost positive that her EA...just went PA.<BR>I now think that I am gonna be physically ill...<P>So much for wedding vows and promises...her comment was "I broke them". <P>Time to re-eveluate this whole mess...<P>~Mike~

PA is tough. My wife probably slept with several men in several months. Even after catching this she continue to do this. My only hope is that she started counseling finally. See my post.<BR>I also like to cry.

HHH,<BR>My nightmare continues...the last two days have been hell. I pray that it will end soon, but it doesn't look that way.<P>My wife has been going to counciling. A lot of good that did. Her councilor told her that she didn't need to be there. She was a strong independent woman who knew what she wanted. Go for it. Great...just great.<P>So now my wifes councilor is fueling the fire along with her best friend that did this to her husband 6 years ago. She had an affair and now is married to the guy. And they are happy...my wife keeps using them as an example.<P>Good luck in your endeavors...<P>~Mike~<P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

"I think, or am almost positive that her EA...just went PA.<BR>I now think that I am gonna be physically ill..."<P>I know what you are going through. I just heard from my WS's sister that my WS is spending all her time with EA. Sounds almost like she is living with him. <P>And the people that she decides to talk to, are not counselors, but are people who will fuel the fire, people that won't say very much about the whole situation.<P>

Hey AMD,<BR>It's amazing the roll models our WS's seem to hang around with. Of course they would forsake anyone that has a clue because those people know how wrong they are. My WS has basically estranged herself from her family because none of them will except the fact that she is doing something stupid.<P>Whether she comes out of this without being hurt...who knows. There has to be some kind of justice someday...what comes around...goes around!<P>Mike

Do not give up ! I know it is not easy. I am also suffering and want to cry but I will do my best.

Hey all...<BR>I went to pick up my kids today at my in-laws and my MIL gave me a great big hug and said we know you love our daughter. You don't need to take any more crap from her. She is wrong in what she is doing and we are ashamed of her.<P>It's pretty bad when your own parents won't support your endeavors... Why won't she wake up and smell the coffee???<BR>Mike

My in-law is very supportive also. I agree with you.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mbtrk:<BR><B>Hi Steve and HHH,<BR>how do I let her know that I love her without telling her so, and she won't let me meet any of her EN. This is so hard that it is becoming very painful to keep this up.<BR>Mike</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Read Pauls letter to the Corinthians... Chapert 13... Love is ACTIONS... not Feelings or WORDS... Deeds my friend... Learn them so that become WHO you are....<P>Even that may not be enough for a Hardened Heart... but the CHANGE in you will make all the differcne for your Pain.<P>Peace<P><P>------------------<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mbtrk:<BR><B><BR>It's pretty bad when your own parents won't support your endeavors... Why won't she wake up and smell the coffee???<BR>Mike</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Same here, She has had to dump all her friends, family and get all new ones. fair weather ones too... People she never knew 12 months ago and the kind of people she would have never hung out with...<P>Its the low self esteem... In her new group SHE IS QUEEN, because they are Low lifes...<P>DEEP in side she knows... but thing of ALL the Things in Human History that people have been capable of thinking are right when they were so obviously Wicked...<P>You need to Hang in and Grow... Remember this... even if she says your marriage is DEAD... God specializes in RAISING the dead.<P>= )<P>Peace<BR><P>------------------<BR>

THanks to all who have posted.<BR>The story keeps taking more and more twists. I won't go into details here. If you want more check in GQ 2. Needless to say, to see my wife and look at her beauty, and think that some slime bag has the inside track to her heart now, is killing me. <P>From talking to her, our marriage is over. I am not ready to give up the ship yet though. It's hard when the WS rewrites history and can't remember anything good about the marriage and sees only bad things.<P>I hope that the OM and his W can work things out because that will take that factor out of the equation. I'm not gonna bank on that though. WHen I talked to her, he was very disenfranchised about his 15 year marriage. <P>I think that both WS's need to be admitted to some Mental hospital because anyone that would cause this much pain to another human being is definately a sick individual!<P>Mike

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mbtrk:<BR><B>To All,<BR>The roller coaster ride continues...with no sign of slowing down. Last night my wife was at my house with the kids when I got home from work. I started to cook supper and she was just hanging around. I asked her if she wanted to stay and she said sure...I would just be by myself otherrwise. So we had dinner with the kids and all was fine until she started talking Divorce again. <P>She said that there was no hope of reconciliation and that we needed to make plans for the divorce. She said "why would I put you and the kids through this if I was going to reconcile?" <P>I said.."do you think that everyone who separates plans on getting back together?" No reply from her except that she is different from everyone else and doesn't change her mind. So here I go dealing with someone who won't read or look at anything that doesn't deal with divorce. It's too bad that she thinks that this is the only solution to the problem.<P>For someone who wants her space, she seems to call a lot and want to be around more than she should. Anyone got any insite into this weird behavior?<BR>Mike<P>[This message has been edited by mbtrk (edited January 21, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hi! Mike: my five friends and I are all going thru this bull...they all went the divorce route...however, i stuck it out...they are all angry that I did not join thri band wagon...however..I believe that you must and try to hang on...not only for you but for the children. They are the ones who are hurting the most. How old are your children..my are 15,13,and 9. The one who hurts the most is the 9yrs. so, my suggestion, is to try to hang on. It will not be easy. It is extremely difficu;t. Many night I laid awaking wondering why..why H did it to us and the children. Maybe she won't change her mind, but I feel that she maybe having second thoughts about this. She hangs around too much. When she starts talking about D..ask her ..how do you think the children will feel, what will their little lives and minds be like...and most important...now that this is out in the open..it should die a natural death..she is living in a fantasy world. No responsibilities. Reality will set in. She will be sorry in the end. Good Luck<BR>

sounds like a plan. Keep going..it has to work... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nighthawk:<BR><B>mbtrk, I started reading this and thought it was my post! I'm in the same place you are,everything in mine is so close is not even funny!If you get a chance,look at my post it's in general questions 2.Topic,what do I do now help.The one thing I left out of mine is we have two little ones at home too.Maybe we can compare notes and help each other. I'm not quitting,I love my wife more than life itself and I'll do everything in my power to save my marriage and family!I think your as determand as I am!<BR>nighthawk...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hi guys,<BR>I have also been posting in GQ2. My wife and the OM both seem to think that the kids will be OK. We love them...that's all they need is what I have heard. I talked to the OM wife the other night and she said he is saying the same things. <P>Nighthawk...I would love to compare notes. It seems like every one of these WS's are reading from the same script! It's uncanny.<BR>My e-mail is "mbtrk@aol.com".<P>This morning was just one more instance of looking at someone that I used to know that is totally out of it.<P>She brought up the issue of us not spending anymore time together. I said I really miss you. She said that she is madly in love with this opther guy. I asked her how she felt about breaking up two families. Her response...We are in love...that's all that matters. His family is his business. OMG...how can this woman look at herself in the mirror??? I asked her if she felt good about herself...she said I feel great and I see nothing wrong with what's going on. I am ending this relationship before I begin something with him. <P>HELLO...you have been having an EA with him for close to a year!!! <P>I am so disgusted with her right now I want to puke. Someone remind me why I want to stay married to this person??? It's a good thing my kids are so young and they don't understand. How do you explain to a 5 year old that the reason their mother is not living at home is because she can't control herself. I just say that we love mom and we have to say our prayers that she will come home soon. <P>Last week sucked. 4 days of something new happening, and causing more pain. THis week starts off the same way. Does it ever end????<P>Mike<P>

Hi guys,<BR>I have also been posting in GQ2. My wife and the OM both seem to think that the kids will be OK. We love them...that's all they need is what I have heard. I talked to the OM wife the other night and she said he is saying the same things. <P>Nighthawk...I would love to compare notes. It seems like every one of these WS's are reading from the same script! It's uncanny.<BR>My e-mail is "mbtrk@aol.com".<P>This morning was just one more instance of looking at someone that I used to know that is totally out of it.<P>She brought up the issue of us not spending anymore time together. I said I really miss you. She said that she is madly in love with this opther guy. I asked her how she felt about breaking up two families. Her response...We are in love...that's all that matters. His family is his business. OMG...how can this woman look at herself in the mirror??? I asked her if she felt good about herself...she said I feel great and I see nothing wrong with what's going on. I am ending this relationship before I begin something with him. <P>HELLO...you have been having an EA with him for close to a year!!! <P>I am so disgusted with her right now I want to puke. Someone remind me why I want to stay married to this person??? It's a good thing my kids are so young and they don't understand. How do you explain to a 5 year old that the reason their mother is not living at home is because she can't control herself. I just say that we love mom and we have to say our prayers that she will come home soon. <P>Last week sucked. 4 days of something new happening, and causing more pain. THis week starts off the same way. Does it ever end????<P>Mike<P>